Girlfriend obsessed with her dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

It's normal to take good care of other living beings. It's actually a good sign of her responsibility. However, it doesn't reflect well on you that you're unhappy in life if you're not #1 or 2. Why do you feel such a need to rank and judge? Why is it not ok for her to put two living beings higher in importance than you, when you are clear that your kids will always come first. She's not number 1 to you either. Don't you think that's a little sexist?

[Anonymous]

I had an old BF whose life centered around his dog. Every date centered around the dog's schedule. I finally got tired of being a distant #2 and broke up with him. My first pet as an adult with a bird!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your GF doesn't have children, the dog is her "child". It's obvious that the dog is attached, because she gets so much attention. Childless women (and men) in their 40s are self-centered and will not compromise much, they've never had to put someone else's needs before their own. Not sure you want to deal with all this.

You sound envious. Sorry parenting is more than you anticipated. Lol

Envious of what? Not having to exercise a dog daily because I have children?

Nope. Her freedom.

Um. Looks like she doesn't have much freedom with a Velcro dog who dictates her life! It sounds more like having a baby for the lifetime of the dog. My kids are teens now and I have way more freedom than someone with a neurotic Velcro dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

It's normal to take good care of other living beings. It's actually a good sign of her responsibility. However, it doesn't reflect well on you that you're unhappy in life if you're not #1 or 2. Why do you feel such a need to rank and judge? Why is it not ok for her to put two living beings higher in importance than you, when you are clear that your kids will always come first. She's not number 1 to you either. Don't you think that's a little sexist?

DP. Insane take.

Human relationships come first.

—Dog lover/owner

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is a huge red flag, OP. Talk to her openly if this is what she wants. If she doesn't improve then her actions speak louder than words and you need to decide what to do after that. I would break up with this level of neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is a huge red flag, OP. Talk to her openly if this is what she wants. If she doesn't improve then her actions speak louder than words and you need to decide what to do after that. I would break up with this level of neglect.

Don't talk, just dump. The evidence is in. OP obviously has problems moving on. Just pull the trigger.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a caring, responsible dog owner. Nothing about her behavior is a red flag. On the other hand, I find it really odd that you have a problem with her hiking and spending the day with her dog every other weekend. She doesn’t need to spend every minute you’re available with you. If she wanted to hike by herself every other weekend because she needed some alone time, that also should be okay. I’m sure you expect her to work around your schedule with your kids and other demands/ needs you have. That should go both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Face it, OP wants a woman at his beck and call, to live as he sees fit, and when he has time for her.

OP, move on. She's too independent for your neediness.

This is spot on. I hope the GF dumps him and finds a man who respects that she has needs, interests, and responsibilities in her life other than just him.

[Anonymous]

OP try expanding your dating pool outside of white women as the odds for encountering this would then be minimal.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I like to hike or long walk every weekend and I don't have a dog. I just like taking long walks to reset. Spending one day a week hiking doesn't seem like a big issue.

[Anonymous]

Dating dog moms aren’t worth it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP try expanding your dating pool outside of white women as the odds for encountering this would then be minimal.

Yes! This is toxic whiteness.

[Anonymous]

Op, why you are spending so much time on this girl? Apparently, she doesn't care and find her dog to be more trustworthy and better companion than you. It is going to get worse in the future so either had a clear chat and willing to walk away or suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Face it, OP wants a woman at his beck and call, to live as he sees fit, and when he has time for her.

OP, move on. She's too independent for your neediness.

This is spot on. I hope the GF dumps him and finds a man who respects that she has needs, interests, and responsibilities in her life other than just him.

I think it is going to be the other way around. If you give less importance for human interaction then you really don't need a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going back to the dog, I grew up with GSPs. A GSP is the type of dog that really is a commitment. They need at least two hours of rigorous exercise and mental stimulation every day. I don't know your girlfriends situation but it's not like a GSP needs to be babied so much as they need dedicated owners who are outdoors a lot and have the time and money to invest in its health and quality of life. A GSP is not the kind of dog for apartments in cities. They are hunting dogs for people who actually use them to hunt, or for people who are very very outdoorsy which seems to be the case with your girlfriend. If you share a love for the outdoors, then it may be worth it to work things out and agree to some sort of compromise as to which rooms are couches the dog can be allowed. If you aren't very active or don't enjoy spending weekends hiking with your dog, then a GSP is not right for you and a GSP owner is not the girlfriend for you.
And yes, they are VELCRO DOGS.

DP. This makes sense to me.

We have a little doodle. Of course he is allowed on the furniture. His purpose in life is to snuggle with people.
But he doesn’t sleep in our beds, we leave him with friends or family if we go out of town, and I have never changed plans to dedicate an entire day to taking care of him.

But I can see that certain breeds who aren’t just bred as family pets might need this kind of attention. And, of course you can’t leave a dog that needs two hours of active stimulation every day in the care of an eighth grader who lives down the street.