Girlfriend obsessed with her dog

[Anonymous]

My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

[Anonymous]

That all sounds normal for a higher needs dog. That's just what owning a high energy dog requires. If she doesn't interact and exercise her dog regularly it's likely to start exhibiting some destructive or difficult behaviors.

Dogs are a big commitment, she sounds like an appropriate dog owner.

[Anonymous]

I would personally find that very annoying and a turn off. Dogs on furniture drives me nuts.

How serious are you? Are you looking to remarry and she is a potential candidate? If so, I'd say this is probably evidence that you aren't ulitmately compatible enough to be life partners. If you're just dating and aren't looking to cohabitate, then I think it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds normal for a higher needs dog. That's just what owning a high energy dog requires. If she doesn't interact and exercise her dog regularly it's likely to start exhibiting some destructive or difficult behaviors.

Dogs are a big commitment, she sounds like an appropriate dog owner.

+1. This is just normal dog owner behavior. It's not for me, so I don't own a dog, but it's not obsessive or weird.

[Anonymous]

It's very normal.

But if you are wondering if someone's devotion to keeping their dog healthy and happy is a red flag, this is probably not the best match.

[Anonymous]

I'd stat with clarifying what you are asking. What boundaries do you want her to have with the dog that she does not currently have? Then go from there.

But I suspect these 2 are a package deal, so this forum's feeling about all this doesn't really matter. Your feelings do. I like dogs, but not to this level. I do not think they should be the most emotionally important relationship that you have. But I can also see how a 40 single woman would get here. Her 30s were spent watching her friends get married and have babies. That creates some loneliness in even the most independent person.

[Anonymous]

It's 2026 and your GF's life with her dog is a thing. Lots live as such with their pets.

It appears to be a turnoff for you ... Move on.

[Anonymous]

It's normal for dog people but not for normal people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

Say less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal for dog people but not for normal people.

This, though I would say it is normal for dog people but not for non-dog people. It is estimated that 45-50% of American households have a dog so I am not sure you can say non-dog people are the "normal" ones. They are both normal, but different. But I think OP would be better with a non-dog person and OP's girlfriend would be a better match with a dog person.

FWIW, I am a dog person (married with kids -- all of us are dog people) and I would not even make the compromise of no dog on the bed. I would just move on.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of people with dogs don't revolve their lives around the dog or let the dog dictate everything. I have two large dogs. They don't go on the furniture, I don't take them with me everywhere I go. They are loved, taken care of, and exercised, but not at the expense of human relationships.

I have a friend (female friend, I'm female as well) who won't go anywhere without her dog. Anywhere. It's extrememly annoying to have to revolve everything around wher eyou can go with dogs, how long you can leave them in the car, etc. OTT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds normal for a higher needs dog. That's just what owning a high energy dog requires. If she doesn't interact and exercise her dog regularly it's likely to start exhibiting some destructive or difficult behaviors.

Dogs are a big commitment, she sounds like an appropriate dog owner.

That’s exactly what I was thinking as I was reading his post. Some dogs require a lot of care and it sounds like she has one of those dogs.

This is something you embrace and accept, or move on from, but it’s not something you can change or will change.

Frankly, she sounds great.

[Anonymous]

It would be too much dog for me and clearly for you also.
I see red flag with so many things when taken to extreme. She could easily spread the love to many dogs in shelter and not suffocate that one dog and her relationship.

[Anonymous]

I am not seeing the issue. Your life should revolve around your kids.

[Anonymous]

I like my dog better than I like most people.