Girlfriend obsessed with her dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all childless people are selfish and self centered? Forget the dog stuff...there is some really crazy stuff being said in this thread.

That is quite the pot-stirring take! You'd have to have a real chip on your shoulder to come up with that.

Not my take.

"But I think the most realistic answer is from the.poster who said: "Childless women (and men) in their 40s are self-centered and will not compromise much, they've never had to put someone else's needs before their own. Not sure you want to deal with all this."

[Anonymous]

Going back to the dog, I grew up with GSPs. A GSP is the type of dog that really is a commitment. They need at least two hours of rigorous exercise and mental stimulation every day. I don't know your girlfriends situation but it's not like a GSP needs to be babied so much as they need dedicated owners who are outdoors a lot and have the time and money to invest in its health and quality of life. A GSP is not the kind of dog for apartments in cities. They are hunting dogs for people who actually use them to hunt, or for people who are very very outdoorsy which seems to be the case with your girlfriend. If you share a love for the outdoors, then it may be worth it to work things out and agree to some sort of compromise as to which rooms are couches the dog can be allowed. If you aren't very active or don't enjoy spending weekends hiking with your dog, then a GSP is not right for you and a GSP owner is not the girlfriend for you.
And yes, they are VELCRO DOGS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your gfs attachment to her dog is a way for her to avoid real intimacy with people. That includes you. Move on

Op, if you changed just a few details like the dog breed and your ages by a few years, I know you. And I think the above is true about your GF.

I mean, it's probably not you, but I know someone in almost the same boat.

Our mutual friends are contemplating staging an intervention because the GF's obsession with the dog is borderline pathological. Anytime she is not with the animal she watches it and even talks to it via video monitor. And she avoids staying long at any social gathering because the dog "has separation anxiety" and she needs to get home to give it love.

We miss our friend but worry we'll never see him again since they're thinking of moving in together. I also worry about the dog.

[Anonymous]

She's in the range of normal, OP.

Personally, I do not allow any dogs on the furniture. But my dog perforce needs to be taken into account into all my plans! I usually try to book a sitter for him when we go on trips, just because he's reactive to other dogs, and there's not knowing what kind of dog we'll encounter. If he was better behaved, I would bring him, probably.

I think the mental health day she takes every two weeks with her dog is a brilliant idea, and has probably helped her weather all sorts of stressors in her life. It's not for the dog, even though she might say it is. It's for her. It's no different than losing your spouse to a day of gardening, golf, sailing, horseback riding, or whatever else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All that sounds fine. But if she insists on taking the dog into grocery stores and restaurants, or sneaking it into places she knows dogs are explicitly banned from, she is a sociopath and you should dump her immediately. Not kidding.

We take our dog out to eat. She needs to eat too.

That makes sense. It's really hard for dogs to find time to eat, with their busy schedules and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That all sounds normal for a higher needs dog. That's just what owning a high energy dog requires. If she doesn't interact and exercise her dog regularly it's likely to start exhibiting some destructive or difficult behaviors.

Dogs are a big commitment, she sounds like an appropriate dog owner.

As a lover of Border collies, I wholeheartedly agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

You are devoted to two souls and she is devoted to two souls. Why is it different if yours are kids and hers are mom and dog?

That being said, if it seems too much, break up or get ready to put up with it for at least 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Most people wouldn't want to plan their life around the needs of someone's elderly mother and needy dog, unless they love that person and receive same love from them. If you don't love her or she you, move on now as this is going to take a toll on your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Oof, you sound like my ex-bf.

I have a high-energy doodle who needs similar hiking trips/exercise needs, or she's a neurotic mess. I wanted to bring her on trips because boarding is EXPENSIVE ($300-400 for a weekend trip, when I wasn't even the one who wanted to go on these trips!) She's allowed on the couch because why not?

My ex-bf used to complain endlessly about her and what a horrible dog she is. He eventually started pressuring me to get rid of her, and I finally I caught him kicking her.

This is the reality of life with a dog. If you want someone to put you first (which, to be completely honest, is not something that's going to happen as you're a single father and can't put a woman first), end things before you get resentful and hurt the poor dog.

[Anonymous]

An entire day for quality time with the dog sounds like a lot.

[Anonymous]

Big dogs are a boyfriend substitute and little dogs are a baby substitute. Seems like your seat’s taken already.

[Anonymous]

She sucks. This is a huge red flag because what happens is when Fido croaks, she’s just going to focus her attention on another dog or another dude. She sounds like a toad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since your GF doesn't have children, the dog is her "child". It's obvious that the dog is attached, because she gets so much attention. Childless women (and men) in their 40s are self-centered and will not compromise much, they've never had to put someone else's needs before their own. Not sure you want to deal with all this.

You sound envious. Sorry parenting is more than you anticipated. Lol

Envious of what? Not having to exercise a dog daily because I have children?

Nope. Her freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My (45M) girlfriend (40F) has a dog whom she loves as a child. I have two teenage kids with my ex (shared custody) and GF does not have or want children of her own.

I like dogs, but my girlfriend is devoted to her dog at another level. Not so much in the weird annoying babyish way like taking her dog in a stroller or something like that, but in the way that the dog is pretty central to her home life and has to be accounted for in any or all plans. The dog is a rescue German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) that has very high exercise needs. Every other weekend, my girlfriend must take the entire day to go on a hike or “spend quality time with my dog.” The dog is allowed on all the furniture except the bed which was a compromise. It also has to come with us for every trip we take unless it is a plane trip. She’s a nice dog, but is very attached to my GF and kind of a neurotic Velcro dog.

Is this normal for a 40-year-old woman? Or is this a red flag? I want to invest in this relationship but I understand that neither of us is each others priority. My kids come first, of course, but with her, I think I’m in third place, behind (1) her 78-year-old mother and (2) her dog.

You are devoted to two souls and she is devoted to two souls. Why is it different if yours are kids and hers are mom and dog?

That being said, if it seems too much, break up or get ready to put up with it for at least 10 years.

Yup because your child and mom are equal to dogs. That might be true for you PP normal people value people more than dogs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all childless people are selfish and self centered? Forget the dog stuff...there is some really crazy stuff being said in this thread.

That is quite the pot-stirring take! You'd have to have a real chip on your shoulder to come up with that.

Not my take.

"But I think the most realistic answer is from the.poster who said: "Childless women (and men) in their 40s are self-centered and will not compromise much, they've never had to put someone else's needs before their own. Not sure you want to deal with all this."

100% and there is nothing wrong with it. I do feel envious of them in some ways though wouldn't trade lives.