Was my reaction reasonable?

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Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

Ugh. Not a fan of this. Household duties do not include doing favors for the husbands coworkers. He looks like the savior at her expense.
SAHM here and I am home to take care of MY kids

She's fifteen. A job is a positive thing for her and part of taking care of her is doing the minor work necessary to facilitate that.

Communicating with your spouse is also a positive thing! One does not negate the other.

You're right, which is why I said in my comment that I would ask before offering anything like this. As the person with the more flexible time, though, I wouldn't react negatively if my wife failed to ask me about something like this. That work is part of fulfilling my obligation to my child and my marriage vows.

OP didn't have a child or make marriage vows to this random coworker.

Exactly. There is something utterly gross of him to loan out his child and wife's services without their approval. We must have some of those project 2025 people here.

I'm the one who touched the nerve by talking about your time not being your own, and I'm not remotely a Project 2025 person. I'm not sure what exact connection you see.

That's hard to believe. You have no respect for other individuals if this is something you would do. People have agency and you are advocating for taking it away. I'm not the one who responded to your post btw.

I wish people would read what I actually wrote. I was VERY clear several times that I would not DO what her husband did. I am, however, a very strong believer in holding yourself to a higher standard than you hold other people. High standards for your own behavior and a lot of grace for others has yielded a lot of happiness in my own life, especially in my marriage.

I'm the person with the more flexible job, the primary parent, etc. and if my wife signed me up for something like this, I would cheerfully take on the obligation as part of my obligation to her. The same way I've cheerfully taken on the vast majority of other parenting obligations, which she can't fulfill because of work. I'd appreciate the heads up, but I wouldn't be annoyed not to get it.

If that sounds like right wing politics to you, I don't know what to say.

I just can't with you. You wouldn't do this but would "CHEERFULLY" accept this as an obligation as a parent and spouse. You would cheerfully accept someone not being respectful of your time or your opinion? Good luck with that. The rest of us don't buy this "bright side" crap. Women constantly have stuff like this happen to us. If you are actually a man maybe that's why you don't get this. Many women have spouses who are people pleasers to other people but not to them.

I am a man, but as I said, I'm the one who all this stuff falls on on, so I know what it's like and I know how I handle it. My approach has yielded a great deal of happiness in my personal life. Has yours? You don't seem very happy.

That is because as a man who is the "primary parent" you are considered a saint to everyone around you, while women who do the same or more are never congratulated for taking care of their own children.

Maybe in your sad circle. In ours, any man who isn't an equal parent is looked down upon. The dads actually got after another one a few weeks ago when his wife was the one who took their children home from a party and he stayed. They shamed him because she had had a rough week and could have used the down time by staying with her friends and he should have taken the kids home.