Was my reaction reasonable?

[Anonymous]

I would just ask DH what the family's plan is for DD's transportation there and back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

Ugh. Not a fan of this. Household duties do not include doing favors for the husbands coworkers. He looks like the savior at her expense.
SAHM here and I am home to take care of MY kids

She's fifteen. A job is a positive thing for her and part of taking care of her is doing the minor work necessary to facilitate that.

NP. I agree with this last statement but not at all that OP’s time is family time. She should have been consulted. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

For your trouble,DH gets to make dinner for the week. And no pizza, I want a protein,a starch and a green vegetable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

Ugh. Not a fan of this. Household duties do not include doing favors for the husbands coworkers. He looks like the savior at her expense.
SAHM here and I am home to take care of MY kids

She's fifteen. A job is a positive thing for her and part of taking care of her is doing the minor work necessary to facilitate that.

Communicating with your spouse is also a positive thing! One does not negate the other.

You're right, which is why I said in my comment that I would ask before offering anything like this. As the person with the more flexible time, though, I wouldn't react negatively if my wife failed to ask me about something like this. That work is part of fulfilling my obligation to my child and my marriage vows.

OP didn't have a child or make marriage vows to this random coworker.

[Anonymous]

As a SAHM, I’d expect it to be cleared with me- to make sure I don’t have a known conflict that week. Likely just a formality, as anything major would already be shown on the family calendar.

Beyond that, I generally expect to drive the kids in the summer- activities, part time job, sports etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I’d expect it to be cleared with me- to make sure I don’t have a known conflict that week. Likely just a formality, as anything major would already be shown on the family calendar.

Beyond that, I generally expect to drive the kids in the summer- activities, part time job, sports etc.

I think it’s sad that you always have to announce your plans on a “family calendar”, even plans you make when your spouse will be occupied at work. That’s really, really sad that YOUR time is controlled like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to explain to his coworker that DD is willing to do it but no one is available to drive her, so they will have to pay for uber, if DD is allowed to take uber. Otherwise she can't do it.

+1
They’ll need to uber teen her both ways or she can’t do it. Her commute is also wasting 40 mins of her time when I’m sure she could have found a babysitting job closer and gotten paid for that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, I’d expect it to be cleared with me- to make sure I don’t have a known conflict that week. Likely just a formality, as anything major would already be shown on the family calendar.

Beyond that, I generally expect to drive the kids in the summer- activities, part time job, sports etc.

I think it’s sad that you always have to announce your plans on a “family calendar”, even plans you make when your spouse will be occupied at work. That’s really, really sad that YOUR time is controlled like that.

DP. It’s sad that you see information as the same thing as control.

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter being paid? I would be so pissed at my dh.

[Anonymous]

Yes I get it.

Even though you would have surely agreed to do this - - the mere fact that your husband made the commitment w/o even asking you would make me miffed.

I would have a talk w/him about not doing stuff like this in the future plz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

Are you joking? You opinion about time not being our own is insane. She said her husband has done this before. I would refuse to drive daughter and tell dh he gets to figure it out. He is showing a clear lack of respect to her and is probably a people pleaser who will crap on his wife while pleasing others. I'd give him hell.

You people telling op to not make a big deal of this are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no, dear. My time ALWAYS belongs to me. I choose what to do with it at all times. I'm no one's indentured servant.

100%. Who are these crazy people posting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

Ugh. Not a fan of this. Household duties do not include doing favors for the husbands coworkers. He looks like the savior at her expense.
SAHM here and I am home to take care of MY kids

She's fifteen. A job is a positive thing for her and part of taking care of her is doing the minor work necessary to facilitate that.

No dear. This is also a job for op. Don't pretend it isn't. He doesn't get to volunteer her out to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally reasonable to be a bit irritated. Your emotions are your emotions, and you have a point. What matters is how you handle it. If you're snappish or peeved, that's immature. If you say something like "ugh, there goes two hours of my day, sigh" then that's uncalled for as well. But I think there's a path of good communication for this.

"Hey honey - I can drive Larla to the babysitting gig for that week this summer. But I'm a bit irritated that you made this plan without asking me if I was available or if that worked for me. What if I had something scheduled, like a doctor's appointment or something? Or other plans for that week? I would appreciate it if you didn't offer up my time without checking with me first."

Then see what he says. If he says "Oh, sorry didn't think of it, I'll check next time" then you're all set.

Note what is not in here: "You always do this." If he does it again, then you can throw in a "We talked about this before - remember that week of shuttling Larla to babysitting in the summer? I'm frustrated that it happened again" but that's only once you've had the conversation.

If he says "well, it seems like your job in the summer is to take Larla where she needs to go, and this falls under that umbrella" then you have a calm discussion about it and find agreement or a compromise.

Handling this any other way than a calm discussion IS an overreaction.

Who are these people here trying to train us to be stepford wives. Your assessment of what is a reasonable conversation about this is utter hogwash. He is way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a little annoyance is understandable, and I would have checked with my spouse. I also think two 20 minute drives a day for a week is an incredibly small commitment on a day when you're not working. I wouldn't think twice about that. It's the length of a long movie and not worth having emotions about.

Most people's time is not "their own." Either you're working and it belongs to your boss or you've got household obligation and it belongs to the household.

Strongly disagree. Everyone's time is their own. A spouse can volunteer you if they know you well enough, but sometimes that is not the case. If this is a regular thing because OP's husband thinks like this PP, then I understand OP's annoyance.

I don't work at all, but my husband learned a long time ago not to volunteer me for anything before asking my permission!