What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Promposals.

My kids have gone to proms with a huge group of friends. Sometimes with a date even. But, it has been seen just as a party. Not any of the prom craziness.

Do you really "not allow" the kids to do this or do they just choose not to? This is a weird thing to claim as a cultural family value.

Both. I find it very odd that it is treated with such importance by some kids and their moms. It is insane. You are going to school for a party with your classmates. There is no need to treat this like your kid is getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

Haha, ok. That’s what they tell you.

Once they’re in college, we hope they’ll continue to live by the values we raised them with, but ultimately they’re adults and their choices are their own. We have no reason not to trust them. My son in college does have a girlfriend, but he says they’re not having sex, and she’s a conservative , so I’m inclined to believe him, we have no reason not to.

Conservative? Trump supporter?

Her and her parents both are trump supporters, but our family is independent. She comes from Georgia.

NP. I'd MUCH rather my son dated and had sex with someone than dated someone who is a trump supporter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Promposals.

My kids have gone to proms with a huge group of friends. Sometimes with a date even. But, it has been seen just as a party. Not any of the prom craziness.

Do you really "not allow" the kids to do this or do they just choose not to? This is a weird thing to claim as a cultural family value.

Both. I find it very odd that it is treated with such importance by some kids and their moms. It is insane. You are going to school for a party with your classmates. There is no need to treat this like your kid is getting married.

Again, what you see on social media is not reality. I am 50 and was born in the US and have been here my whole life and raised 3 children here and have never known anyone personally who has done or received an actual “promposal” the way you are describing it. Again, this is a stereotypical thing that is not actually reality. Of course you see the instances on social media of the extremely few who have actually done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

I knew plenty of people in HS whose parents “forbid” them from dating. Guess what? They definitely still had boyfriends and girlfriends. They were just sneaky about it and had parents that “trusted them completely” because of course their kids never lied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

Haha, ok. That’s what they tell you.

Once they’re in college, we hope they’ll continue to live by the values we raised them with, but ultimately they’re adults and their choices are their own. We have no reason not to trust them. My son in college does have a girlfriend, but he says they’re not having sex, and she’s a conservative , so I’m inclined to believe him, we have no reason not to.

This is the funniest post I’ve ever seen on DCUM.

Gentle reader:

Your college son with a girlfriend is absolutely having sex. And that’s normal.

When I was in college we still had landlines in the rooms and my roommate’s parents would call on Sunday morning and she’d still be over at her boyfriends house but I would always tell them that she had just left for church but would call them after mass. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

And what about when they go to sleep away camp - though I am assuming you also forbid that.

[Anonymous]

Play football
Beach Week
wear half shirts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

Wow. Where to begin here. Lady, you are way too controlling. And kind of weird. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is actually hilarious. I don’t know a single person who owns a gun (and I’m a republican). I also don’t know a single person who owns a pitbull. And I would say the vast majority of people I know don’t do sleepovers.

I love how people hate when Americans stereotype non-americans and they just do the same exact thing.

And for the first time I am hearing that non-American teenagers tell their parents everything and never lie 🙂.

Really?? I'm a Republican living in a deep blue state and I know a lot of people who own guns, including plenty of Democrats. People probably just don't talk about their guns with you since you aren't a gun owner yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

Did you go to school with your kids? Did you go with them to socialize with friends? You have no idea of they acted upon romantic interests.

[Anonymous]

My parents “forbid” dating and I can say I pretty much followed their expectation. I didn’t see the point in getting attached to a boyfriend when we were all going to college in different places. Plus the boys in my school were kind of gross for the most part. I knew other kids with similar parents who dated anyway. I guess it depends on the kid and how much they buy in to your beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

And what about when they go to sleep away camp - though I am assuming you also forbid that.

We never did sleep-away camps. Usually, even when we did any EC related camp with the school teammates - we were with them since DH or I were handling the hotels, flights, logistics etc. Their summer was usually jam packed with classes, projects, prepping for competitions and volunteering with their teammates etc and then we all were also going for lots of vacations with family and friends. No, they did not have a shagging weekend.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what's counts as "American cultural things" other thank things that are some by some portion of the population here. There's a ton of variety of sub-cultures and it's a big country.

A few things our family doesn't do:

Gun ownership, drug use and pitbulls -- all absolutely not
WWF or similar
Big cars
Home firecrackers
Trampolines
Motorcycles


Some things mentioned by others that our family does do (or did do as out kids are now in college):

Sleepovers (tons of them)
Dating in high school
High school parties
Son helped a friend make a promposal poster