Would you escalate, or consider it a lesson learned?

[Anonymous]

Can she do something else after school besides shopping in a group unsupervised? That’s a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the store manager, explain what happened and let them know they have lost you as customers by having overly aggressive security stop young people who were innocently shopping. Then I would put it on social media.

We have lost many of our rights and safety in our current environment. We do not have to stand for it. It is traumatic to be stopped by armed men, period. Especially when doing nothing wrong. It is sad that so many people say its not a big deal.

Um, there is no mention of anyone being armed. It wasn't even LEO of any kind. OP seems to think it is a problem that they DIDN'T involve an armed officer. Which is bizarre.

And are people suggesting that stores (regular employees) should not ask questions when it looks like somebody might be shoplifting?

I teach high school and it’s crazy how in the last few years, kids and parents are SO affronted by the idea an adult or authority figure might correct inappropriate behavior. Kid will get in trouble for something they OBVIOUSLY should not do and be like “yo chill why are you being disrespectful” and then their parent gets mad at US because how dare we say the kid can’t be in the hall cursing at the top of their lungs at school. Op immediately wanting to yell at a manager for this is completely in line with this new crop
of parents and how they never want any consequence for their kids, ever.

There wasn't inappropriate behavior. Existing as teenager in public with a bag isn't something that should result in consequences.

She didn’t just “have a bag.” She was in a group of teens and had a backpack, which many stores won’t even allow in because of shoplifting, and then unzipped it and rummaged around in it. Most likely she WAS about to shoplift and they approached her because she was being shifty and knew that simply asking her would deter her from actually doing it. Some of you are dense and/or unaware of the hell that groups of unsupervised teens put businesses through - why do you think so many shopping centers now say unaccompanied teens cannot be on the premises?

[Anonymous]

DCUM: “I wish we had standards for public conduct like in Europe or Japan where everyone behaves properly.”
Also DCUM as soon as these standards are enforced: “I’m calling my lawyer because I should be able to do whatever I want without any shaming.”
The only lesson here is for your daughter to not futz around with her backpack in Sephora with her friends. The fact that you want to call in the troops over this is absurd. This demographic truly seems to believe their children are perfect angels.
I saw a kid pulling feathers off a peacock at the zoo and said “don’t do that.” The mom flipped that I corrected her kid.

[Anonymous]

What does fooling around in your bag mean?

Good for your DD. I would let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the store manager, explain what happened and let them know they have lost you as customers by having overly aggressive security stop young people who were innocently shopping. Then I would put it on social media.

We have lost many of our rights and safety in our current environment. We do not have to stand for it. It is traumatic to be stopped by armed men, period. Especially when doing nothing wrong. It is sad that so many people say its not a big deal.

Um, there is no mention of anyone being armed. It wasn't even LEO of any kind. OP seems to think it is a problem that they DIDN'T involve an armed officer. Which is bizarre.

And are people suggesting that stores (regular employees) should not ask questions when it looks like somebody might be shoplifting?

I teach high school and it’s crazy how in the last few years, kids and parents are SO affronted by the idea an adult or authority figure might correct inappropriate behavior. Kid will get in trouble for something they OBVIOUSLY should not do and be like “yo chill why are you being disrespectful” and then their parent gets mad at US because how dare we say the kid can’t be in the hall cursing at the top of their lungs at school. Op immediately wanting to yell at a manager for this is completely in line with this new crop
of parents and how they never want any consequence for their kids, ever.

There wasn't inappropriate behavior. Existing as teenager in public with a bag isn't something that should result in consequences.

She didn’t just “have a bag.” She was in a group of teens and had a backpack, which many stores won’t even allow in because of shoplifting, and then unzipped it and rummaged around in it. Most likely she WAS about to shoplift and they approached her because she was being shifty and knew that simply asking her would deter her from actually doing it. Some of you are dense and/or unaware of the hell that groups of unsupervised teens put businesses through - why do you think so many shopping centers now say unaccompanied teens cannot be on the premises?

If a store wants to enforce rules against bags or unsupervised minors, they're allowed, but that doesn't transform going into your bag into inappropriate behavior. It's a normal thing to do. The rest of this is just your stereotyped assumptions about what teenagers are like. Plenty of teenagers don't steal and shop without causing "hell." If you're the teacher above, you should quit. You cannot fairly teach a group about whom you are so bigoted.

[Anonymous]

She was probably stealing. That's how we did it as teens - one person unzipped the bag and the other casually bumbled around with lipstick that happened to make it into the bag. Your kid isn't an angle either, OP. I would be proud of her for standing her ground but on the other hand, it sounds like she knew what they would find. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

malls and stores are pretty anti teen right now. Many places are not allowing backpacks and many places are not allowing kids. I would talk to your kid about that and say that should keep that in mind. Learning to be aware of your surroundings and situation is part of growing up as is learning to not be in the wrong place and the wrong time. If she is very offended, she should stop shopping at that store.

[Anonymous]

She should have just opened the bag and showed the security officer its contents. Stores deal with theft from teenagers all the time and this sounds like a reasonable request given the circumstances. Teens also need to learn that they do not get to do whatever they want.

[Anonymous]

I love how OP is paranoid because a security guard was paranoid about her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD15 and her friends stopped at a well-known store on their way home from school, one of her friends needed to purchase something. DD was stupidly fooling around in her backpack when she was approached by undercover/plain clothed security, and accused of stealing. They asked to see inside of her backpack, she stood her ground and said no, then they threatened to call security, to which she told them fine, go ahead, and that she wasn’t stealing. At that, they let her go and told them to leave?

Obviously, lesson learned: don’t fool around in your bag at a store, I guess? (I wouldn’t say it’s unusual or even inappropriate for a woman to access the inside of her bag inside of a store? I know I have in the past, for various and sundry reasons. But I digress.)

I’m a little fired up. If this was an employee of the store, clearly they had no proof of shoplifting (she didn’t, and I trust her) or they would have detained her or at the very least, called security as they had threatened to do, and it feels somehow like ageism and harassment. At worst, this wasn’t even an employee, but some random person following around 15yo girls.

I’m considering escalating and speaking to a manager, at minimum to find out if this person following the girls was, in fact, and employee, and if so, where they get off accosting them needlessly and without clear proof. Thoughts? Do I need to take a breath and step back, or would you be upset, too?

This is a few days old, so I hope you took a deep breath and calmed down. I think had they called the police you would be similarly upset probably even more so! Your daughter and her friends matched the profile of a shoplifting group. Maybe that store has had similar looking girls steal stuff in the past so they were checking. No need to get so upset.

[Anonymous]

I think most innocent teens would just allow a glance in the bag. Many of them with jobs get bag checked everyday. Costco bag checks all their employees. Nobody roots around, you just hold the bag, open and they glance in.

Your daughter being so much resistance about it makes me think she was stealing. Most teens would feel intimidated and just show it. I would much rather deal with the bag check than have to leave my bag at the front.

And as a parent, my teens were told that teens are often suspected of shoplifting, and that when they're in stores to keep their hands out of their pockets and their bags, because it can look suspicious. I also told them not to go into stores with people who think shoplifting is fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing to open the bag shows disrespect for officers - I’d have a talk about that.

You're sick in the head. There were no officers involved and even if there were OP's daughter did right thing.

No wonder this country is succumbing to fascists with boot lickers like you.

NP. LOL! I bet you were the type who looooved snitching on your neighbors during COVID.