Would you escalate, or consider it a lesson learned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think by escalating things you'd be undermining your daughter. She already handled it; she didn't allow them to search her backpack and held her ground that she was innocent. Empower her by letting her own response stand for itself.

+1. Going into a bag in a store isn't bad behavior. The lesson to be learned is to stand up for yourself when authority tries to push you around, and she learned that lesson all by herself. I think the only thing I'd do is tell my daughter I'm proud of her.

+1

But no surprise that DCUM is full of “just comply” types.

It’s a rent a cop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

Because 9/10, they don't want to involve the police. They want to try to scare the kid into thinking they are going to be in trouble so they cough up whatever merchandise they stole. And then they send them on their way with some vague but not actually banning "don't come back". It's more work for stores to get the police involved and actually attempt to detain someone. If they can get them to just put back the merchandise, that's the best option.

+1 is better for everyone usually not up get the police involved. Of course if you don't want to deal with security, you can escalate it like your teen did. But from what you did the store did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Refusing to open the bag shows disrespect for officers - I’d have a talk about that.

You're sick in the head. There were no officers involved and even if there were OP's daughter did right thing.

No wonder this country is succumbing to fascists with boot lickers like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

Next time have her call you first. It is a bit weird. I would call and complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

Because 9/10, they don't want to involve the police. They want to try to scare the kid into thinking they are going to be in trouble so they cough up whatever merchandise they stole. And then they send them on their way with some vague but not actually banning "don't come back". It's more work for stores to get the police involved and actually attempt to detain someone. If they can get them to just put back the merchandise, that's the best option.

OP again. This makes sense. I was targeted by the police as a teenager and accused of having drugs, which I didn’t, and didn’t know I didn’t have to allow them to search my car, just because they asked. My uncle was a LEO and later told me they didn’t have any right to search my car, and that I could have said no, and was upset I had allowed them to violate my privacy like that. I’ve always questioned authority after that and I don’t like that authority figures target specific groups just because; it feels like an injustice and I think this just flooded back those feelings for me.

Thanks for talking me down!

At least you know how minorities feel when ICE comes around without a warrant and smashes the window if they don’t comply while throwing the person to the ground and five of them pile on the person. The backpack seems a little petty when you think of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

THIS.

I’m such a rule follower, I’d probably allow the bag to be searched and then kick myself later for it.

Depending on what kind of store it was, I can see how she might easily have objects in her bag that the store carries (makeup, pens, hair stuff, etc.). Purses are literally collections of small items you want and presumably the store she was in also carried the types of items she was interested in. I certainly don’t keep receipts for everything I buy to carry in my purse, and unless I’d had something long enough for it to be depleted or show signs of wear, I don’t know how I’d be able to prove to the store that the item in my purse that matches something they carry was legally purchased (either at their store or a competitor’s) and not shoplifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are way over-reacting. Tell your child that:

1. Teens are often prime suspects in stores because so many of them steal. Yes, that is true. It's a high-risk demographic.

2. When security asks to look at your bag, generally people say yes. What is security going to do, put stolen goods in your bag to accuse you of theft? The cameras are rolling. That's way above their pay grade.

3. They gave up because they sized up your kid and decided she probably wasn't too much of a risk.

4. Your teen can continue to refuse having her bag searched if she wants. She might be escorted out of the store one of these days, and have to deal with police. That is a choice. It doesn't mean she will be charged with a crime, unless the store is missing an item they think was stolen at the same time your teen was there.

Me again. When my DD was in middle school at Westland, in Bethesda (a public school full of well-to-do families), she was shocked to learn that some of her classmates liked to go to Montgomery Mall and steal little trinkets from stores, as a game. None of them were poor, they could all afford to pay. I told her to stay well away from those girls and never go shopping with them, as she could be left literally holding the bag.

Oh, it has nothing at all to do with not being able to afford something. I went to a hoity toity boarding school where girls were from super, super wealthy families, some billionaires, and many of them LOVED to shoplift. It was for the thrill. Also a sense of entitlement that they are rich and powerful enough some run in with a plebian store clerk or security guard will mean nothing. As an UMC student this was shocking to me, but they were just like, "I see it, I want it, I steal it." She needs to stay away from people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

Because 9/10, they don't want to involve the police. They want to try to scare the kid into thinking they are going to be in trouble so they cough up whatever merchandise they stole. And then they send them on their way with some vague but not actually banning "don't come back". It's more work for stores to get the police involved and actually attempt to detain someone. If they can get them to just put back the merchandise, that's the best option.

OP again. This makes sense. I was targeted by the police as a teenager and accused of having drugs, which I didn’t, and didn’t know I didn’t have to allow them to search my car, just because they asked. My uncle was a LEO and later told me they didn’t have any right to search my car, and that I could have said no, and was upset I had allowed them to violate my privacy like that. I’ve always questioned authority after that and I don’t like that authority figures target specific groups just because; it feels like an injustice and I think this just flooded back those feelings for me.

Thanks for talking me down!

At least you know how minorities feel when ICE comes around without a warrant and smashes the window if they don’t comply while throwing the person to the ground and five of them pile on the person. The backpack seems a little petty when you think of it.

They are arresting non-minorities too and its mainly hispanic so using minority is too general of a word.

[Anonymous]

Why the heck was she bringing a backpack in the store in the first place? Huge mistake and a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck was she bringing a backpack in the store in the first place? Huge mistake and a red flag.

Kids leave school and go hang out with their friends, they go into shops to look around, etc. Totally reasonable to have backpacks. I use a laptop backpack when I go to my office, and on the way home from work I do errands. I go into stores with mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck was she bringing a backpack in the store in the first place? Huge mistake and a red flag.

There is a decent chance she was or was at least attempting to shoplift and security rightfully targeted her and caught her. Groups of kids go into business after school and terrorize the place- this goes for restaurants and stores. They’re going to be wary of a group of teens with backpacks and especially suspicious of one opening her backpack in the store.

These aren’t cops so people can stop the “only losers just comply” nonsense. They’re security who didn’t want cops to get involved so they needed the kid to prove she wasn’t shoplifting. If she truly wasn’t, it’s an easy ask. My guess as someone who teaches teens is she was if not in the process, working herself up to doing it, then was flustered and mad and embarrassed they caught her. Either way, she learned the lesson- don’t take a backpack in and then start digging around in it while shopping, and if you do, know that it looks weird and they might ask.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised anyone stopped her. My friend worked at a Marshall’s and they were not permitted to stop a customer even if they saw them putting items in their bag. There’s a reason why all the makeup is locked up in Target. Locking up items is less confrontational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think by escalating things you'd be undermining your daughter. She already handled it; she didn't allow them to search her backpack and held her ground that she was innocent. Empower her by letting her own response stand for itself.

+1. Going into a bag in a store isn't bad behavior. The lesson to be learned is to stand up for yourself when authority tries to push you around, and she learned that lesson all by herself. I think the only thing I'd do is tell my daughter I'm proud of her.

+1

But no surprise that DCUM is full of “just comply” types.

It’s a rent a cop.

There are times and places to stand up and other times when it’s no big deal to display your innocence and move on. Knowing when to comply and when to fight back if important. Not everything needs to be a fight.

[Anonymous]

I would call the store manager, explain what happened and let them know they have lost you as customers by having overly aggressive security stop young people who were innocently shopping. Then I would put it on social media.

We have lost many of our rights and safety in our current environment. We do not have to stand for it. It is traumatic to be stopped by armed men, period. Especially when doing nothing wrong. It is sad that so many people say its not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

People bring backpacks into stores all the time, like when they are commuting home from work or school. My white middle aged husband brings his backpack so he can put the items he purchased into his backpack. He never gets stopped and asked to empty his backpack. Our rights should not be different because age, race or gender.