Would you escalate, or consider it a lesson learned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

Because 9/10, they don't want to involve the police. They want to try to scare the kid into thinking they are going to be in trouble so they cough up whatever merchandise they stole. And then they send them on their way with some vague but not actually banning "don't come back". It's more work for stores to get the police involved and actually attempt to detain someone. If they can get them to just put back the merchandise, that's the best option.

OP again. This makes sense. I was targeted by the police as a teenager and accused of having drugs, which I didn’t, and didn’t know I didn’t have to allow them to search my car, just because they asked. My uncle was a LEO and later told me they didn’t have any right to search my car, and that I could have said no, and was upset I had allowed them to violate my privacy like that. I’ve always questioned authority after that and I don’t like that authority figures target specific groups just because; it feels like an injustice and I think this just flooded back those feelings for me.

Thanks for talking me down!

[Anonymous]

The brats shouldn't be going into stores in herds in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Refusing to open the bag shows disrespect for officers - I’d have a talk about that.

I’m not so sure. If they believe someone is shoplifting, the burden of proof is on them, not on me. Sounds like they didn’t have proof at all, only suspicion.

[Anonymous]

I think by escalating things you'd be undermining your daughter. She already handled it; she didn't allow them to search her backpack and held her ground that she was innocent. Empower her by letting her own response stand for itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The brats shouldn't be going into stores in herds in the first place.

This poster’s language is coarse but I also think the girls were misbehaving to be targeting, even if they didn’t steal. There is a way to behave in public and I’m guessing they weren’t.

[Anonymous]

I think that's pretty normal as a scenario especially because yes, teens get suspected more, and with a backpack or large bag even more. So add fiddling with the bag, and they might ask because they are just doing their job. It would have been just fine to open the bag right there to show what was (not) in it, but your dd's choice worked out in the end and no harm was done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think by escalating things you'd be undermining your daughter. She already handled it; she didn't allow them to search her backpack and held her ground that she was innocent. Empower her by letting her own response stand for itself.

+1. Going into a bag in a store isn't bad behavior. The lesson to be learned is to stand up for yourself when authority tries to push you around, and she learned that lesson all by herself. I think the only thing I'd do is tell my daughter I'm proud of her.

[Anonymous]

Most stores don’t allow backpacks for this very reason. You can trust her, but no one is zipping and unzipping backpacks in stores. She was shoplifting

[Anonymous]

Everyone handled this fine. Your daughter was okay in standing her ground. The employee was okay for how they handled it. They probably do get teens stealing all of the time. And yes, they were targeting because they were teens with bags in the store.

No, you don’t escalate because nothing happened and everyone behaved appropriately. Tell your DD to try to avoid bringing backpacks in stores because, unfortunately, lots of kids make poor choices.

[Anonymous]

You are way over-reacting. Tell your child that:

1. Teens are often prime suspects in stores because so many of them steal. Yes, that is true. It's a high-risk demographic.

2. When security asks to look at your bag, generally people say yes. What is security going to do, put stolen goods in your bag to accuse you of theft? The cameras are rolling. That's way above their pay grade.

3. They gave up because they sized up your kid and decided she probably wasn't too much of a risk.

4. Your teen can continue to refuse having her bag searched if she wants. She might be escorted out of the store one of these days, and have to deal with police. That is a choice. It doesn't mean she will be charged with a crime, unless the store is missing an item they think was stolen at the same time your teen was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are way over-reacting. Tell your child that:

1. Teens are often prime suspects in stores because so many of them steal. Yes, that is true. It's a high-risk demographic.

2. When security asks to look at your bag, generally people say yes. What is security going to do, put stolen goods in your bag to accuse you of theft? The cameras are rolling. That's way above their pay grade.

3. They gave up because they sized up your kid and decided she probably wasn't too much of a risk.

4. Your teen can continue to refuse having her bag searched if she wants. She might be escorted out of the store one of these days, and have to deal with police. That is a choice. It doesn't mean she will be charged with a crime, unless the store is missing an item they think was stolen at the same time your teen was there.

Me again. When my DD was in middle school at Westland, in Bethesda (a public school full of well-to-do families), she was shocked to learn that some of her classmates liked to go to Montgomery Mall and steal little trinkets from stores, as a game. None of them were poor, they could all afford to pay. I told her to stay well away from those girls and never go shopping with them, as she could be left literally holding the bag.

[Anonymous]

When I'm in a store and need to fumble around in my backpack, I purposely do it out in the open where all eyes could be on me. Just for the comfort of the store. Not saying your DD needed a different location but the point is, now as an adult, I think of these things. I think more like an employee or manager of the store, and know what it might look like.

No one wants to accuse another of stealing, It's a reasonable guess though that stealing could happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Are you foreign?

[Anonymous]

What race is your daughter?