Would you escalate, or consider it a lesson learned?

[Anonymous]

Why would she need to dig into her school backpack during a shopping trip? Did she need access to her laptop, binders, or homework folders? What bs. That doesn’t add up, sorry. Kids should be going straight from school to shopping either. Come home, have a snack and start homework. Plan a shopping trip on a weekend with friends without school backpacks. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would she need to dig into her school backpack during a shopping trip? Did she need access to her laptop, binders, or homework folders? What bs. That doesn’t add up, sorry. Kids should be going straight from school to shopping either. Come home, have a snack and start homework. Plan a shopping trip on a weekend with friends without school backpacks. Lesson learned.

This should say shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People bring backpacks into stores all the time, like when they are commuting home from work or school. My white middle aged husband brings his backpack so he can put the items he purchased into his backpack. He never gets stopped and asked to empty his backpack. Our rights should not be different because age, race or gender.

That's a delightful idea, but let's get serious. Teens shoplift a lot. There are some stores that won't let teens in when backpacks or in groups larger than two. This is perfectly legal. If OPs daughter has a problem with it, she can take it up with her peers. FWIW, my DD and a friend were stopped once at a grocery store we go to all of the time. She was insulted, but also conceded that lots of kids her age do shoplift so it made sense.

[Anonymous]

Lesson learned and OP knows it. OP said their DD was “stupidly fooling around in her backpack”

Kid needs to learn and seems kid did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

So if they had detained her, the police had been called, and she then proved her innocence, you’d think it’s fine and that’s the way I want it to go next time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think by escalating things you'd be undermining your daughter. She already handled it; she didn't allow them to search her backpack and held her ground that she was innocent. Empower her by letting her own response stand for itself.

+1. Going into a bag in a store isn't bad behavior. The lesson to be learned is to stand up for yourself when authority tries to push you around, and she learned that lesson all by herself. I think the only thing I'd do is tell my daughter I'm proud of her.

This. Your daughter did good and now it's over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

So if they had detained her, the police had been called, and she then proved her innocence, you’d think it’s fine and that’s the way I want it to go next time?

+1. Think about what you're asking for. You want them to elevate every suspicion that a teen is shoplifting to security and the cops? Why? She was messing around in her backpack, which you acknowledge was stupid, and rhe reason it's stupid is because it looks like shoplifting behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People bring backpacks into stores all the time, like when they are commuting home from work or school. My white middle aged husband brings his backpack so he can put the items he purchased into his backpack. He never gets stopped and asked to empty his backpack. Our rights should not be different because age, race or gender.

Is your husband with a group of friends and then going into his backpack and fiddling around inside of it in the middle of the store? I doubt it. If he was, he would be stopped too.

[Anonymous]

Holy over reaction Batman.

[Anonymous]

What did she steal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call the store manager, explain what happened and let them know they have lost you as customers by having overly aggressive security stop young people who were innocently shopping. Then I would put it on social media.

We have lost many of our rights and safety in our current environment. We do not have to stand for it. It is traumatic to be stopped by armed men, period. Especially when doing nothing wrong. It is sad that so many people say its not a big deal.

They don’t care if they lose a shoplifting teen as a customer and the security person is not armed, dummy. It’s loss prevention. They knew she was trying to shoplift and successfully deterred her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the store manager, explain what happened and let them know they have lost you as customers by having overly aggressive security stop young people who were innocently shopping. Then I would put it on social media.

We have lost many of our rights and safety in our current environment. We do not have to stand for it. It is traumatic to be stopped by armed men, period. Especially when doing nothing wrong. It is sad that so many people say its not a big deal.

They don’t care if they lose a shoplifting teen as a customer and the security person is not armed, dummy. It’s loss prevention. They knew she was trying to shoplift and successfully deterred her.

Sounds like Sephora or Ulta. I'm sure they won't miss the hordes of thieving girls after school who need to rummage in their backpacks.

[Anonymous]

If you escalate and she actually did shoplift (which could be likely), your DD might end up with a real police situation. Is that what you want, OP?

[Anonymous]

Make her read
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_American_Boys
as punishment and warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would she need to dig into her school backpack during a shopping trip? Did she need access to her laptop, binders, or homework folders? What bs. That doesn’t add up, sorry. Kids should be going straight from school to shopping either. Come home, have a snack and start homework. Plan a shopping trip on a weekend with friends without school backpacks. Lesson learned.

This should say shouldn’t.

i


NP. Agree.