Would you escalate, or consider it a lesson learned?

[Anonymous]

DD15 and her friends stopped at a well-known store on their way home from school, one of her friends needed to purchase something. DD was stupidly fooling around in her backpack when she was approached by undercover/plain clothed security, and accused of stealing. They asked to see inside of her backpack, she stood her ground and said no, then they threatened to call security, to which she told them fine, go ahead, and that she wasn’t stealing. At that, they let her go and told them to leave?

Obviously, lesson learned: don’t fool around in your bag at a store, I guess? (I wouldn’t say it’s unusual or even inappropriate for a woman to access the inside of her bag inside of a store? I know I have in the past, for various and sundry reasons. But I digress.)

I’m a little fired up. If this was an employee of the store, clearly they had no proof of shoplifting (she didn’t, and I trust her) or they would have detained her or at the very least, called security as they had threatened to do, and it feels somehow like ageism and harassment. At worst, this wasn’t even an employee, but some random person following around 15yo girls.

I’m considering escalating and speaking to a manager, at minimum to find out if this person following the girls was, in fact, and employee, and if so, where they get off accosting them needlessly and without clear proof. Thoughts? Do I need to take a breath and step back, or would you be upset, too?

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god get a grip . It’s a reasonable ask of a group of teens at a store fussing with their bags and your kid is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

I will add that it’s unfortunate that your dd and her friends were targeted, but it’s because teens frequently steal and put the stolen goods in backpacks. It’s not that crazy to suspect your teen of doing this. I would hate to own a store and know that teens do this for fun and to be rebellious when it’s literally a crime.

Why not be sympathetic to the store who loses money every year to dumb teens instead of being mad at them.

I’m all for standing up for yourself, but to me this is a case where I would tell my teens “just show them you didn’t steal anything and move on”

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be upset. This is one of those good life lessons about how doing something completely innocent can look bad to others. No harm was done. Cops weren't called. They didn't try to take your daughter in the back and hold her. They weren't banned from the store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

[Anonymous]

Please don't tell me you actually think this was some rando following around your daughter and her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

They weren’t asking to search her backpack, they wanted her to open it so they can look.

When she starts coming home with extra goods, you might want to consider that she might actually be stealing. Put a poll on here and I bet a whole bunch of lawyers/doctors/stand up citizens of dcum will fess up that they stole lipstick and baseball cards or whatever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

I will add that it’s unfortunate that your dd and her friends were targeted, but it’s because teens frequently steal and put the stolen goods in backpacks. It’s not that crazy to suspect your teen of doing this. I would hate to own a store and know that teens do this for fun and to be rebellious when it’s literally a crime.

Why not be sympathetic to the store who loses money every year to dumb teens instead of being mad at them.

I’m all for standing up for yourself, but to me this is a case where I would tell my teens “just show them you didn’t steal anything and move on”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

Because 9/10, they don't want to involve the police. They want to try to scare the kid into thinking they are going to be in trouble so they cough up whatever merchandise they stole. And then they send them on their way with some vague but not actually banning "don't come back". It's more work for stores to get the police involved and actually attempt to detain someone. If they can get them to just put back the merchandise, that's the best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

Really? Would you similarly let the police search your property without a warrant? I wouldn’t. I sure wouldn’t allow some random stranger that access. You should understand your rights and use them.

The store security isn’t in the same realm as police. You aren’t exercising constitutional rights with the Target security guy . You are perhaps simply just proving you’re not shoplifting if they think you are so they don’t call the cops and escalate it.

OP here. That’s my issue, I think: if they thought she was shoplifting, why didn’t they call actual security for proof, or the actual police? It just makes me wonder if it was actually an employee of the store.

So you think some nefarious man poses as security and attempts to interact with teen girls by accusing them of shoplifting?

[Anonymous]

Refusing to open the bag shows disrespect for officers - I’d have a talk about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t she let them see inside the backpack? If I were innocent, I would say “sure go ahead”

This