How do you discipline or punish your 18 YO?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

Did you know that you can't see your 18YO's grades or talk to their doctor unless your adult offspring signs a legal waiver allowing you to do so?

Yes, that doesn’t make them an adult though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

Did you know that you can't see your 18YO's grades or talk to their doctor unless your adult offspring signs a legal waiver allowing you to do so?

Yes, that doesn’t make them an adult though.

Sure does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

It isn’t. Just cause my kid is magically an “adult”, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking their phone away.

Well I never said you're not a shitty parent.

Well, then all DCUM parents might be shitty parents, because their so involved in their 18 year olds college application process.

There is a difference in providing guidance and advice and treating your 18 year old like a 10 year old by taking his phone away.

But you’ll take your 17 year olds phone away? Taking a phone away isn’t treating them like a 10 year old, it’s treating them like the teen child, that they are. The phone isn’t payed by them either.

Stop trying to put words in my mouth. I never said I would take it away from a 17 year old either. Just face the fact that you've been a shitty, ineffective parent if you are resorting to this tactic at 17 or 18. They are ADULTS!!!! Start treating them like adults.

Okay, atleast your consistent right. But no, 17 and 18 year olds are literal children, not adults. My god.

"you're"

I don't know how many times I need to say this. 18 year olds are adults. If he broke the law, he would be treated as an adult in the legal system because that's what he is. But sure, mommy, take his phone away. That will teach him.

The law is BS. Do you think everything about the law is 100% correct 100% of the time?

What difference does that make? My opinion of the law does not change it one iota.

If the law is your only justification as to why teenage high school children are adults, that should speak for itself.

It's not my justification. It's a fact. Again, you seem to be struggling with basic facts.

I also said several times that parenting your 18 year old adult the same way you parent your 10 year old is completely ridiculous and ineffective, and if you're still using the same tactics at 18 that you did at 10 you failed. A logical person knows this already.

Fact based off of what? From where? I really feel sorry for your children. Your being contradictory right now by saying that you need to parent your 18 year old adult. It isn’t ineffective to take your teen child’s phone way, it works best.

I can't decide if you're really this dumb or just pretending to be. 18 year olds are adults in the eyes of the law. THAT IS A FACT!!!!!!!!!!

Please show me where I said you don't need to parent them at all. My mother still parents me from a different continent at almost 48 years old. She doesn't punish me by taking my phone away, which is what you're trying to do. Just idiotic and purposefully obtuse.

Adults do not need parenting.

Are 18 year olds and almost 48 years olds the same?

You're an idiot.

You’re more of an idiot and emotionally stunted and immature to think that you as an almost 48 year old are the same as a teenage high school little child.

[Anonymous]

My kids like money and the stuff I provide them. Also I can see my 18 yo’s grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't punish adults.

BS - if someone speeds, the city disciplines them with a ticket. If someone behaves well the government rewards them with tax breaks. We NEVER escape carrots and sticks.

OP - if you are still giving allowance lower it if the behavior is consistent (3 strikes). You can also cut phone payments, car insurance, etc. Plenty of carrots and sticks. We took away our daughter’s allowance for consistent tardiness. She has anxiety which chronically causes her to be late - this doesn’t fly in the real world. If I have employees that are chronically late - I don’t keep them past the next layoff round (every 2 years) - if they cannot manage their anxiety it’s not my problem - they’re adults. I also told my kids I won’t pay for degrees in subjects without a clear future - when it’s my money I’m in control. If they were 100% scholarship, they would play by scholarship rules. If they earn and are responsible for themselves they can do as they please. Your kid is an adult - if they depend on you, it’s your rules.

Uhmmmm WHAT?????
Where do I get my money?

Do you not take child credit or tax breaks for mortgages?? You will ALWAYS have to pay taxes and if you behave well, in the government incentivizes that behavior through tax breaks - why is that hard for you to see?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

It isn’t. Just cause my kid is magically an “adult”, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking their phone away.

Well I never said you're not a shitty parent.

Well, then all DCUM parents might be shitty parents, because their so involved in their 18 year olds college application process.

There is a difference in providing guidance and advice and treating your 18 year old like a 10 year old by taking his phone away.

But you’ll take your 17 year olds phone away? Taking a phone away isn’t treating them like a 10 year old, it’s treating them like the teen child, that they are. The phone isn’t payed by them either.

Stop trying to put words in my mouth. I never said I would take it away from a 17 year old either. Just face the fact that you've been a shitty, ineffective parent if you are resorting to this tactic at 17 or 18. They are ADULTS!!!! Start treating them like adults.

Okay, atleast your consistent right. But no, 17 and 18 year olds are literal children, not adults. My god.

"you're"

I don't know how many times I need to say this. 18 year olds are adults. If he broke the law, he would be treated as an adult in the legal system because that's what he is. But sure, mommy, take his phone away. That will teach him.

The law is BS. Do you think everything about the law is 100% correct 100% of the time?

What difference does that make? My opinion of the law does not change it one iota.

If the law is your only justification as to why teenage high school children are adults, that should speak for itself.

It's not my justification. It's a fact. Again, you seem to be struggling with basic facts.

I also said several times that parenting your 18 year old adult the same way you parent your 10 year old is completely ridiculous and ineffective, and if you're still using the same tactics at 18 that you did at 10 you failed. A logical person knows this already.

Fact based off of what? From where? I really feel sorry for your children. Your being contradictory right now by saying that you need to parent your 18 year old adult. It isn’t ineffective to take your teen child’s phone way, it works best.

I can't decide if you're really this dumb or just pretending to be. 18 year olds are adults in the eyes of the law. THAT IS A FACT!!!!!!!!!!

Please show me where I said you don't need to parent them at all. My mother still parents me from a different continent at almost 48 years old. She doesn't punish me by taking my phone away, which is what you're trying to do. Just idiotic and purposefully obtuse.

Adults do not need parenting.

Are 18 year olds and almost 48 years olds the same?

You're an idiot.

You’re more of an idiot and emotionally stunted and immature to think that you as an almost 48 year old are the same as a teenage high school little child.

That is not what I said. But it's not surprising that someone who can't grasp that 18 year olds are legally adutls also can't grasp something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't punish adults.

BS - if someone speeds, the city disciplines them with a ticket. If someone behaves well the government rewards them with tax breaks. We NEVER escape carrots and sticks.

OP - if you are still giving allowance lower it if the behavior is consistent (3 strikes). You can also cut phone payments, car insurance, etc. Plenty of carrots and sticks. We took away our daughter’s allowance for consistent tardiness. She has anxiety which chronically causes her to be late - this doesn’t fly in the real world. If I have employees that are chronically late - I don’t keep them past the next layoff round (every 2 years) - if they cannot manage their anxiety it’s not my problem - they’re adults. I also told my kids I won’t pay for degrees in subjects without a clear future - when it’s my money I’m in control. If they were 100% scholarship, they would play by scholarship rules. If they earn and are responsible for themselves they can do as they please. Your kid is an adult - if they depend on you, it’s your rules.

We aren't discussing the law or work. We are talking about a parent and their adult kid, who will face adult consequences, not get spanked by mommy. OP asked about how to "punish" -- we are saying, you treat them like any other adult who didn't meet your expectations. That's not the same as "punishing" a child.

I am not discussing the law here either. Did you even read the part that follows “OP” or were you so triggered your lizard brain stopped you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids like money and the stuff I provide them. Also I can see my 18 yo’s grades.

You exerting control over your 18 year old through money doesn't make them any less of a legal adult. They can choose to leave tomorrow and you'd have zero control.

[Anonymous]

"You don't punish adults."

This. If this is an otherwise good kid, let it go. Suggest asking them to come in 1-on-1, asking them the why, hearing them, then tell them how it affected you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't punish adults.

BS - if someone speeds, the city disciplines them with a ticket. If someone behaves well the government rewards them with tax breaks. We NEVER escape carrots and sticks.

OP - if you are still giving allowance lower it if the behavior is consistent (3 strikes). You can also cut phone payments, car insurance, etc. Plenty of carrots and sticks. We took away our daughter’s allowance for consistent tardiness. She has anxiety which chronically causes her to be late - this doesn’t fly in the real world. If I have employees that are chronically late - I don’t keep them past the next layoff round (every 2 years) - if they cannot manage their anxiety it’s not my problem - they’re adults. I also told my kids I won’t pay for degrees in subjects without a clear future - when it’s my money I’m in control. If they were 100% scholarship, they would play by scholarship rules. If they earn and are responsible for themselves they can do as they please. Your kid is an adult - if they depend on you, it’s your rules.

Uhmmmm WHAT?????
Where do I get my money?

Do you not take child credit or tax breaks for mortgages?? You will ALWAYS have to pay taxes and if you behave well, in the government incentivizes that behavior through tax breaks - why is that hard for you to see?

You are so ignorant of the law it's laughable. The child tax credit has nothing to do with my behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't punish adults.

BS - if someone speeds, the city disciplines them with a ticket. If someone behaves well the government rewards them with tax breaks. We NEVER escape carrots and sticks.

OP - if you are still giving allowance lower it if the behavior is consistent (3 strikes). You can also cut phone payments, car insurance, etc. Plenty of carrots and sticks. We took away our daughter’s allowance for consistent tardiness. She has anxiety which chronically causes her to be late - this doesn’t fly in the real world. If I have employees that are chronically late - I don’t keep them past the next layoff round (every 2 years) - if they cannot manage their anxiety it’s not my problem - they’re adults. I also told my kids I won’t pay for degrees in subjects without a clear future - when it’s my money I’m in control. If they were 100% scholarship, they would play by scholarship rules. If they earn and are responsible for themselves they can do as they please. Your kid is an adult - if they depend on you, it’s your rules.

We aren't discussing the law or work. We are talking about a parent and their adult kid, who will face adult consequences, not get spanked by mommy. OP asked about how to "punish" -- we are saying, you treat them like any other adult who didn't meet your expectations. That's not the same as "punishing" a child.

Ok, let me use simple sentences. You punish your adult child by not paying for things you pay for. If you pay for nothing and they are still living with you then you are paying for housing. I still give my adult kids money. If they have poor behavior I don’t give them money. That is a punishment right.

Btw it was an analogy about law and work - BECAUSE THEY ARE ADULTS at 18 and need to act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

It isn’t. Just cause my kid is magically an “adult”, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking their phone away.

Well I never said you're not a shitty parent.

Well, then all DCUM parents might be shitty parents, because their so involved in their 18 year olds college application process.

There is a difference in providing guidance and advice and treating your 18 year old like a 10 year old by taking his phone away.

But you’ll take your 17 year olds phone away? Taking a phone away isn’t treating them like a 10 year old, it’s treating them like the teen child, that they are. The phone isn’t payed by them either.

Stop trying to put words in my mouth. I never said I would take it away from a 17 year old either. Just face the fact that you've been a shitty, ineffective parent if you are resorting to this tactic at 17 or 18. They are ADULTS!!!! Start treating them like adults.

Okay, atleast your consistent right. But no, 17 and 18 year olds are literal children, not adults. My god.

"you're"

I don't know how many times I need to say this. 18 year olds are adults. If he broke the law, he would be treated as an adult in the legal system because that's what he is. But sure, mommy, take his phone away. That will teach him.

The law is BS. Do you think everything about the law is 100% correct 100% of the time?

What difference does that make? My opinion of the law does not change it one iota.

If the law is your only justification as to why teenage high school children are adults, that should speak for itself.

It's not my justification. It's a fact. Again, you seem to be struggling with basic facts.

I also said several times that parenting your 18 year old adult the same way you parent your 10 year old is completely ridiculous and ineffective, and if you're still using the same tactics at 18 that you did at 10 you failed. A logical person knows this already.

Fact based off of what? From where? I really feel sorry for your children. Your being contradictory right now by saying that you need to parent your 18 year old adult. It isn’t ineffective to take your teen child’s phone way, it works best.

I can't decide if you're really this dumb or just pretending to be. 18 year olds are adults in the eyes of the law. THAT IS A FACT!!!!!!!!!!

Please show me where I said you don't need to parent them at all. My mother still parents me from a different continent at almost 48 years old. She doesn't punish me by taking my phone away, which is what you're trying to do. Just idiotic and purposefully obtuse.

Adults do not need parenting.

Are 18 year olds and almost 48 years olds the same?

Agree. I’m 48 and still get advice but not from my parents - from people I look up to in a similar way than I did to my parents when I was younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't punish adults.

BS - if someone speeds, the city disciplines them with a ticket. If someone behaves well the government rewards them with tax breaks. We NEVER escape carrots and sticks.

OP - if you are still giving allowance lower it if the behavior is consistent (3 strikes). You can also cut phone payments, car insurance, etc. Plenty of carrots and sticks. We took away our daughter’s allowance for consistent tardiness. She has anxiety which chronically causes her to be late - this doesn’t fly in the real world. If I have employees that are chronically late - I don’t keep them past the next layoff round (every 2 years) - if they cannot manage their anxiety it’s not my problem - they’re adults. I also told my kids I won’t pay for degrees in subjects without a clear future - when it’s my money I’m in control. If they were 100% scholarship, they would play by scholarship rules. If they earn and are responsible for themselves they can do as they please. Your kid is an adult - if they depend on you, it’s your rules.

We aren't discussing the law or work. We are talking about a parent and their adult kid, who will face adult consequences, not get spanked by mommy. OP asked about how to "punish" -- we are saying, you treat them like any other adult who didn't meet your expectations. That's not the same as "punishing" a child.

Ok, let me use simple sentences. You punish your adult child by not paying for things you pay for. If you pay for nothing and they are still living with you then you are paying for housing. I still give my adult kids money. If they have poor behavior I don’t give them money. That is a punishment right.

Btw it was an analogy about law and work - BECAUSE THEY ARE ADULTS at 18 and need to act like it.

No, that is control. That is exactly why I left home at 17 and supported myself ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

It isn’t. Just cause my kid is magically an “adult”, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking their phone away.

Well I never said you're not a shitty parent.

Well, then all DCUM parents might be shitty parents, because their so involved in their 18 year olds college application process.

There is a difference in providing guidance and advice and treating your 18 year old like a 10 year old by taking his phone away.

But you’ll take your 17 year olds phone away? Taking a phone away isn’t treating them like a 10 year old, it’s treating them like the teen child, that they are. The phone isn’t payed by them either.

Stop trying to put words in my mouth. I never said I would take it away from a 17 year old either. Just face the fact that you've been a shitty, ineffective parent if you are resorting to this tactic at 17 or 18. They are ADULTS!!!! Start treating them like adults.

Okay, atleast your consistent right. But no, 17 and 18 year olds are literal children, not adults. My god.

"you're"

I don't know how many times I need to say this. 18 year olds are adults. If he broke the law, he would be treated as an adult in the legal system because that's what he is. But sure, mommy, take his phone away. That will teach him.

The law is BS. Do you think everything about the law is 100% correct 100% of the time?

What difference does that make? My opinion of the law does not change it one iota.

If the law is your only justification as to why teenage high school children are adults, that should speak for itself.

It's not my justification. It's a fact. Again, you seem to be struggling with basic facts.

I also said several times that parenting your 18 year old adult the same way you parent your 10 year old is completely ridiculous and ineffective, and if you're still using the same tactics at 18 that you did at 10 you failed. A logical person knows this already.

Fact based off of what? From where? I really feel sorry for your children. Your being contradictory right now by saying that you need to parent your 18 year old adult. It isn’t ineffective to take your teen child’s phone way, it works best.

I can't decide if you're really this dumb or just pretending to be. 18 year olds are adults in the eyes of the law. THAT IS A FACT!!!!!!!!!!

Please show me where I said you don't need to parent them at all. My mother still parents me from a different continent at almost 48 years old. She doesn't punish me by taking my phone away, which is what you're trying to do. Just idiotic and purposefully obtuse.

Adults do not need parenting.

Are 18 year olds and almost 48 years olds the same?

Agree. I’m 48 and still get advice but not from my parents - from people I look up to in a similar way than I did to my parents when I was younger.

So the same thing??? :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids like money and the stuff I provide them. Also I can see my 18 yo’s grades.

Same. Our private school has this thing called the parent portal.