How do you discipline or punish your 18 YO?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

No, 18 is not an adult. They can do all those things legally, but probably should not, especially be drafted. The law doesn’t define adult correctly, it is very arbitrary. Your 18 year isn’t any different from your 17 or 16 year old mentally, physically. No reason to treat them like a fourty year old.

You're insane. Do you realize that your child could leave tomorrow and you would have zero legal claim to him after that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS had a 2 hour school delay this morning because of snow. DH and I each asked him to shovel driveway and sidewalks this morning before leaving for school. He did not; he slept in and left for school while we were at work.

This is out of character for him, although he can be lazy. Just usually not so in-your-face disobedient to reasonable requests.

How would you handle?

I would just have him do it when he gets home.

I wouldn't "punish" a kid that age unless it involved something dangerous or illegal (assuming they are still relying on me financially.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grounded for a day or two, no phone or screen time until job done. Required sit down meeting to explain why it wasn’t done.

Lol controlling much?

You are sick

I think they were kidding, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

Legally, means nothing. It’s very low IQ to think “oh Jonny’s old enough by law to do xxx, then I shouldn’t set rules or give consequences”’. 23 year olds are barely adults, let alone eighteen year old children.

[Anonymous]

If this is unusual for him, why are we talking about punishment? Talk to him. Say hey, what happened? Then move forward from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

Legally, means nothing. It’s very low IQ to think “oh Jonny’s old enough by law to do xxx, then I shouldn’t set rules or give consequences”’. 23 year olds are barely adults, let alone eighteen year old children.

It means everything. Tell that to the government if they try to draft him. You can't even talk to his doctors without his consent anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is unusual for him, why are we talking about punishment? Talk to him. Say hey, what happened? Then move forward from there.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

It isn’t. Just cause my kid is magically an “adult”, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking their phone away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There wasn’t that much snow, how did you both get to work? He was probably running behind and didn’t have time. And how do you know he didn’t do it. Are you home from work already?

I am treating my 18 yo very differently now and wouldn’t punish for something like this. I would ask what happened and if he forgot, overslept or what? Then I would move on. This would not be that big of a deal.

I’m quoting myself and adding more to reply. I’m actually quite strict with my 18 yo because I’m trying to get him ready to leave for college. I wouldn’t care about this because there isn’t much snow.

If the driveway still needs shoveling later, I’d remind him to do it. It’s the same if he cooked and didn’t wash the pan. I’d tell him to wash it later. There is no punishment. Just do it later. We are past the point of punishing and arguing now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

What they are legally and emotionally are not one and the same.
We don’t just give up on them when they’re 18. They’re part of a family and should help out.
I would make him do it after school if it still needs doing.

I didn't say he shouldn't help you FFS. Everyone who lives in the household should help out. I specifically said several times he should do it after school. However, if you're still taking his phone away as punishment at 18, you've completely failed as a parent. That's who I was responding to.

It isn’t. Just cause my kid is magically an “adult”, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking their phone away.

Well I never said you're not a shitty parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

No, 18 is not an adult. They can do all those things legally, but probably should not, especially be drafted. The law doesn’t define adult correctly, it is very arbitrary. Your 18 year isn’t any different from your 17 or 16 year old mentally, physically. No reason to treat them like a fourty year old.

You're insane. Do you realize that your child could leave tomorrow and you would have zero legal claim to him after that?

Yes, that’s fine. It doesn’t mean they’re a real adult, like a 40 or 50yo would be. Why is that so hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

I think you have to start to treat him like an adult.

What would you do if you told your spouse you would shovel before you left, but then you slept in instead?

Probably shoot him a text, right? "Hey I overslept and didn't get to the sidewalk - will be home at 6 and will do it then." or something like that.

So that's what he should do. I think the main thing is to wait and see what he does about skipping it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take phone or car away for x amount of days.

at 18?????

Ridiculous. He shovels when he gets home. Case closed.

Ridiculous, how?

18 is a teen child.

18 is not a child. 18 is an adult who can sign legal contracts, be drafted, and vote. You treating him like a 10 year old doesn't change that.

No, 18 is not an adult. They can do all those things legally, but probably should not, especially be drafted. The law doesn’t define adult correctly, it is very arbitrary. Your 18 year isn’t any different from your 17 or 16 year old mentally, physically. No reason to treat them like a fourty year old.

You're insane. Do you realize that your child could leave tomorrow and you would have zero legal claim to him after that?

Yes, that’s fine. It doesn’t mean they’re a real adult, like a 40 or 50yo would be. Why is that so hard to understand?

Why do you keep repeating that stupidity? They are legally adults. It's a fact. You seem to have a problem with basic facts.