Hosting Wife's College Friend's Daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes!
I personally find it very rude to ask someone (even a good friend!) to host another person for ten weeks!??
Especially w/out offering anything in return.

No I wouldn’t be offended - - I would understand but I would never ask someone that favor in the first place.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think that is a HUGE thing to ask of you, and it was rude to do so IMHO.

I also would not do it. A houseguest for that length of time is just too much. I would not feel guilty at all about saying no. I would be extremely happy to help with anything else but a houseguest for that long is just a no from me.

If there is something else you can offer (help finding a short term rental, availability in emergencies, invite the girl over for dinner etc etc) then of course that would be wonderful.

Citing home renovations usually works pretty well for things like this. There is always something or other happening at our house- even if minor- so it would be at least semi-honest lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is no. Your home is not a hotel. Their child’s housing for the Summer is not your problem.

I also would never ask this of anyone. Wouldn’t be offended if you declined.

This but some people are takers and would he offended. 10 weeks is a long time. You have other commitments for that room during the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I was that 22-year old and our family friends let me stay in their English basement in Georgetown for the summer when I had an internship and did not live in DC. Having said that, I don't think there's one right answer. Everyone's living situation is different and not all 22-year olds are the same, so I think it's silly to make a blanket statement like you absolutely would or would not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in Alexandria (Rosemont) and Braddock Road Metro is about a 10 minute walk away. We have a spare bedroom that has its own bathroom. We have used it over the years for both my parents and my wife's parents as a mini apartment. Both are still quite physically active and retired so they'd visit for two week stretches and take advanatge of the easy and cheap access into DC. It's honestly ideal for guests.

My wife's best friend from college lives in Denver and has a daughter who will be a rising senior in college this summer. She has 'won' a 'prestigeous' internship in DC. My wife's friend, DH and daughter have stayed with us in the past and know this set up would be ideal for her daughter this summer. So, she asked if we'd host her for 10 weeks. Not a single thing was mentioned about compensation.

I don't want her here. I don't want the hassle and drama (she is a bit of a partyer) and honestly, I don't really want just the inconveinance. My wife isn't excited about the idea but is way more open to it then I am.

My question is this:

If you were the mom of the intern, would you be offended if we declined? And if you were offended, why did you not approach this more as a transaction a la "Hey, Ava has that internship this summer and she'd love to stay with you (and enjoy your excellent cooking!) but we know that is a hassle, so, could we barter? You can use our apartment in Vail anytime you want. Deal?"

I would suck it up and do it. If this is a long-term, valuable friendship then you make the effort. Set some ground rules with the daughter but I'd do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I was that 22-year old and our family friends let me stay in their English basement in Georgetown for the summer when I had an internship and did not live in DC. Having said that, I don't think there's one right answer. Everyone's living situation is different and not all 22-year olds are the same, so I think it's silly to make a blanket statement like you absolutely would or would not do this.

+1. I can't imagine saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I was that 22-year old and our family friends let me stay in their English basement in Georgetown for the summer when I had an internship and did not live in DC. Having said that, I don't think there's one right answer. Everyone's living situation is different and not all 22-year olds are the same, so I think it's silly to make a blanket statement like you absolutely would or would not do this.

I also was a 22 year-old and came to DC from out of state to do a spring internship. I found and secured my own housing for this on my own. Would never think of trying to impose on somebody. It was not hard to find housing for three months, I just rented a corporate furnished apartment in Arlington. Their daughter should be finding her own housing. I would definitely say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I was that 22-year old and our family friends let me stay in their English basement in Georgetown for the summer when I had an internship and did not live in DC. Having said that, I don't think there's one right answer. Everyone's living situation is different and not all 22-year olds are the same, so I think it's silly to make a blanket statement like you absolutely would or would not do this.

I also was a 22 year-old and came to DC from out of state to do a spring internship. I found and secured my own housing for this on my own. Would never think of trying to impose on somebody. It was not hard to find housing for three months, I just rented a corporate furnished apartment in Arlington. Their daughter should be finding her own housing. I would definitely say no.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in Alexandria (Rosemont) and Braddock Road Metro is about a 10 minute walk away. We have a spare bedroom that has its own bathroom. We have used it over the years for both my parents and my wife's parents as a mini apartment. Both are still quite physically active and retired so they'd visit for two week stretches and take advanatge of the easy and cheap access into DC. It's honestly ideal for guests.

My wife's best friend from college lives in Denver and has a daughter who will be a rising senior in college this summer. She has 'won' a 'prestigeous' internship in DC. My wife's friend, DH and daughter have stayed with us in the past and know this set up would be ideal for her daughter this summer. So, she asked if we'd host her for 10 weeks. Not a single thing was mentioned about compensation.

I don't want her here. I don't want the hassle and drama (she is a bit of a partyer) and honestly, I don't really want just the inconveinance. My wife isn't excited about the idea but is way more open to it then I am.

My question is this:

If you were the mom of the intern, would you be offended if we declined? And if you were offended, why did you not approach this more as a transaction a la "Hey, Ava has that internship this summer and she'd love to stay with you (and enjoy your excellent cooking!) but we know that is a hassle, so, could we barter? You can use our apartment in Vail anytime you want. Deal?"

Its rude and unfair to ask anyone to host anyone for 10 weeks. If they say yes, its a headache for them and if they say no, they are in awkward position, even souring the relationship forever.

[Anonymous]

Do recommend a safe extended stay hotel near her office, show her around, treat her with a brunch and offer for help if there any emergency happens. Other than that, a 21+ college senior should be able to handle on her own. If not then she shouldn't accept this position.

[Anonymous]

My DH's nephew crashed with DS and his roommate for six weeks, it was really difficult for DS to sleep and for all of them to share single bathroom/toilet in morning. It was also invasion of privacy for the roommate to have someone on living room couch. This strained DS's relationship with roommate forever.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t ask and I wouldn’t host. Easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in Alexandria (Rosemont) and Braddock Road Metro is about a 10 minute walk away. We have a spare bedroom that has its own bathroom. We have used it over the years for both my parents and my wife's parents as a mini apartment. Both are still quite physically active and retired so they'd visit for two week stretches and take advanatge of the easy and cheap access into DC. It's honestly ideal for guests.

My wife's best friend from college lives in Denver and has a daughter who will be a rising senior in college this summer. She has 'won' a 'prestigeous' internship in DC. My wife's friend, DH and daughter have stayed with us in the past and know this set up would be ideal for her daughter this summer. So, she asked if we'd host her for 10 weeks. Not a single thing was mentioned about compensation.

I don't want her here. I don't want the hassle and drama (she is a bit of a partyer) and honestly, I don't really want just the inconveinance. My wife isn't excited about the idea but is way more open to it then I am.

My question is this:

If you were the mom of the intern, would you be offended if we declined? And if you were offended, why did you not approach this more as a transaction a la "Hey, Ava has that internship this summer and she'd love to stay with you (and enjoy your excellent cooking!) but we know that is a hassle, so, could we barter? You can use our apartment in Vail anytime you want. Deal?"

It’s rude and unfair to ask anyone to host anyone for 10 weeks. If they say yes, it’s a headache for them and if they say no, they are in awkward position, even souring the relationship forever.

They are only in an awkward position if they say no because it’s a very reasonable request. It feels awkward because they deny a service they could easily afford to offer. This is being selfish.
No one would be in an awkward position if they deny something they can’t reasonably afford to offer. If they were being asked for example to give $10m, they wouldn’t be in an awkward position for saying no.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read all of the posts so maybe someone already said this, but I would draft a contract with what you can live with - including a curfew, if you so desire - with some minimal compensation. Declining outright seems harsh, but they may walk away from all of your conditions.

[Anonymous]

I'm very curious how men and women would handle this differently. It seems women are still overly concerned with being nice, or I should say, more accurately, appearing to be nice.

It's a huge ask and the friend didn't acknowledge that and didn't offer to pay. It makes friend's life much easier as she and her daughter don't have to spend any time looking for housing and puts all the work on op and family.

I wouldn't do it just because it is too long of a stay and it blocks the grandparents from visiting.