Hosting Wife's College Friend's Daughter

[Anonymous]

If my best friend from college with whom I remain close enough that she has actually visited me with her family and stayed in my house asked for this kind of help I would make it work. I might not be thrilled about it but I'd do it. And no, I wouldn't charge and no I wouldn't have all the silly "rules" that posters are suggesting or make her sign anything etc. Y'all have lost your minds.

[Anonymous]

Tell them yeah but also tell them when you will be in Vail! Great trade!

[Anonymous]

I would host and not charge anything but have rules in advance. Like, meal times are x and if you can't make those times your are responsible for your own meals. Clear out a section of the fridge for her. All eating is too be done in the kitchen and dining room. No guests, no smoking anywhere on property, even outside. Quiet hours. Maybe the rules are so annoying she will find another place to stay ha ha ha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I mean, congrats for being rich?

My budget doesn't afford feeding an adult for three months, or for paying for their hot water, their electricty, their dishwashing detergent, their ....

Are you seriously calling that person rich for offering a room?

Some people are less picky. We live in a large house and have multiple extra bedrooms. I would not want an extra person in the house unless we were already close.

A week? Sure. Whole summer? No way.

Yes, they are rich if they can take on the care of an adult for three months for free. Are you really this stupid?

Apparently you are. I’m poor and we take in family and friends all the time. My brother in law, wife and two kids lived with us for a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let a friend's college graduate son stay for 6 months. The family offered modest rent as part of the request which was nice. I wasn't familiar with how they raised their kids but this guy would walk around shirtless in underwear. And would sit out our family dinners in an adjacent room although he was invited to eat with us. It was all OK but awkward.
I am not sure I would host again. Some young adults still need to learn how to be a houseguest. But how do you not want to help out a young adult with their first real big city job?

This is on you fir allowing it to happen. The first time you say, "in this house we cover up when we leave our bedroom," "in this house we eat together," etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let a friend's college graduate son stay for 6 months. The family offered modest rent as part of the request which was nice. I wasn't familiar with how they raised their kids but this guy would walk around shirtless in underwear. And would sit out our family dinners in an adjacent room although he was invited to eat with us. It was all OK but awkward.
I am not sure I would host again. Some young adults still need to learn how to be a houseguest. But how do you not want to help out a young adult with their first real big city job?

I hosted a teen for a month and it was obvious the kid never did an ounce of housework. I already have 3 kids. My kids would at least take out the trash. The girl just would put her dirty dishes in the sink. She often didn’t want to eat what we were eating. The whole visit was very awkward. The girl also obviously didn’t want to play with our elementary daughter.

Personalities matter a lot.

It would be one thing if the kid wanted just a room for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, some of these posters don’t have children in college. When you get an internship in another city, securing housing for this limited time period is very difficult. The friend took the easy way first and called the OP hoping for a 1 and done. If the OP responds negatively, the friend and her child need keep looking. For the record, local colleges will rent out dorm space to students on internships. While not glamorous, this option would probably be the easiest. You only need bedding and your clothes.

OP mentioned her cooking. I would not want to be responsible for feeding this person for months.

We live in a large house and have 3 spare bedrooms. I think I would consider letting someone stay in our basement. It has its own entrance and bar down there. I wouldn’t even like that because I don’t let my kids take food downstairs.

I also like to turn the alarm on and whenever we have guests, I don’t want them to set the alarm off so we usually keep it off.

I have a teen who had an internship is another city. I rented him an apt. We had friends but we would never ask them since apts are smallish in that city.

Ok so you are a rich selfish miser. Poor people would let her stay and let her sleep anywhere she can find including the couch or floor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let a friend's college graduate son stay for 6 months. The family offered modest rent as part of the request which was nice. I wasn't familiar with how they raised their kids but this guy would walk around shirtless in underwear. And would sit out our family dinners in an adjacent room although he was invited to eat with us. It was all OK but awkward.
I am not sure I would host again. Some young adults still need to learn how to be a houseguest. But how do you not want to help out a young adult with their first real big city job?

This is on you fir allowing it to happen. The first time you say, "in this house we cover up when we leave our bedroom," "in this house we eat together," etc.

+1. This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend should not have asked and it’s certainly fine to say no.


“I can’t take on a summer houseguest, but we would be thrilled to take her to dinner and be a local resource for emergencies.”

I think this is the best “no” response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I mean, congrats for being rich?

My budget doesn't afford feeding an adult for three months, or for paying for their hot water, their electricty, their dishwashing detergent, their ....

Are you seriously calling that person rich for offering a room?

Some people are less picky. We live in a large house and have multiple extra bedrooms. I would not want an extra person in the house unless we were already close.

A week? Sure. Whole summer? No way.

Yes, they are rich if they can take on the care of an adult for three months for free. Are you really this stupid?

No. They are not rich LOL...but they are also not unsocialized trailer-trash ill-bred, poor.

I would absolutely host family and friends I want to host for multiple months, but I am reluctant to take responsibility for someone else's kid. This is a big responsibility and curtails my own freedom and privacy. But, if it was one of the responsible, thoughtful and pleasant young adults that I know, I would have no problem.

Money and space is not the issue, imho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, some of these posters don’t have children in college. When you get an internship in another city, securing housing for this limited time period is very difficult. The friend took the easy way first and called the OP hoping for a 1 and done. If the OP responds negatively, the friend and her child need keep looking. For the record, local colleges will rent out dorm space to students on internships. While not glamorous, this option would probably be the easiest. You only need bedding and your clothes.

OP mentioned her cooking. I would not want to be responsible for feeding this person for months.

We live in a large house and have 3 spare bedrooms. I think I would consider letting someone stay in our basement. It has its own entrance and bar down there. I wouldn’t even like that because I don’t let my kids take food downstairs.

I also like to turn the alarm on and whenever we have guests, I don’t want them to set the alarm off so we usually keep it off.

I have a teen who had an internship is another city. I rented him an apt. We had friends but we would never ask them since apts are smallish in that city.

Ok so you are a rich selfish miser. Poor people would let her stay and let her sleep anywhere she can find including the couch or floor

I have my own kids. Do you even have teenagers? I don’t have college kids.

I do have friends who have nightmare stories about houseguests.

[Anonymous]

16:19 is best response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I mean, congrats for being rich?

My budget doesn't afford feeding an adult for three months, or for paying for their hot water, their electricty, their dishwashing detergent, their ....

Are you seriously calling that person rich for offering a room?

Some people are less picky. We live in a large house and have multiple extra bedrooms. I would not want an extra person in the house unless we were already close.

A week? Sure. Whole summer? No way.

Yes, they are rich if they can take on the care of an adult for three months for free. Are you really this stupid?

+1

They live in Rosemont, walkable to metro, with an extra "mini apartment" in their home. Slightly increased food/utility bills are not going to break the bank.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a huge ask and I wouldn’t do it. Especially when you don’t even like the kid.

A few days or a week maybe at most may be okay but an entire summer is an unbelievable ask. It blocks your home for months. Your families may need to come to you in an emergency even if you don’t have a fixed plan now.

Being contactable in an emergency is a reasonable ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I mean, congrats for being rich?

My budget doesn't afford feeding an adult for three months, or for paying for their hot water, their electricty, their dishwashing detergent, their ....

Financial constraints are absolutely a valid reason to decline.

OP, however, didn't mention any of them. He just said, "I don't want the inconvenience." That is mind boggling to me, when discussing a close friend's kid.

It’s mind-boggling to not want to host a 20-yo for three months who’s known to be a partier whose parents didn’t even feign politeness by offering a whiff of compensation, home/vacay swap, or other idea? Sorry you can’t see others’ perspectives. Feel free to run a free boarding house, that’s on you. But to imply that OP is some kind of jerk for not being A-ok with this plan is nuts.