Hosting Wife's College Friend's Daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love all the nasty responses. You ladies never fail to disappoint.

People aren’t like this in real life…are they?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in NYC and had a revolving door of my parents’ friends’ recent graduate children stay with us, not to mention friends of mine and my siblings.

What’s wrong with you people?

You put up people for three months at a time?

Yes. We had people stay with us for over six months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

+1. Of course I’d host. Except I don’t find the other perspectives “interesting”. I find them depressing and can’t believe people are so uptight.

[Anonymous]

Yikes!
I personally find it very rude to ask someone (even a good friend!) to host another person for ten weeks!??
Especially w/out offering anything in return.

No I wouldn’t be offended - - I would understand but I would never ask someone that favor in the first place.

[Anonymous]

It's healthy to set boundaries. I hate being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. For me, this would be a no brainer--of course she could stay with me and I would not expect compensation.

I have a tight circle of friends. I know their kids. Heck, I'm the emergency contact for some of them. I can't imagine saying no to a 22 yr old or an old friend.

I would never say no to a close friend or their kid staying with us for a week or even two, if they were in between housing or otherwise in need. But a whole summer? Unless you have a separate apartment or will be out of town for most of it, that's way too much. I would rather rent them a studio, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, some of these posters don’t have children in college. When you get an internship in another city, securing housing for this limited time period is very difficult. The friend took the easy way first and called the OP hoping for a 1 and done. If the OP responds negatively, the friend and her child need keep looking. For the record, local colleges will rent out dorm space to students on internships. While not glamorous, this option would probably be the easiest. You only need bedding and your clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’d be willing to do it for $x/month, then say that—but it’s up to you.

If you did have her I would make clear it’s just a room and she is on her own for food/meals, for example.

The comment about cooking for her would bother me. Are you cleaning and doing laundry too? I think it is fine to day no. You could offer to help find alt space (check college dorms). I would just say you are expecting other visitors and know she would have more fun some place with other young people.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really care understand the big deal. Just put some parameters on it. Don’t bring stranger back to our house. If you will be coming in past 1030 stay somewhere else for the night.

Why would you want to charge your friends for this? You should be offering and welcoming her with open arms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, some of these posters don’t have children in college. When you get an internship in another city, securing housing for this limited time period is very difficult. The friend took the easy way first and called the OP hoping for a 1 and done. If the OP responds negatively, the friend and her child need keep looking. For the record, local colleges will rent out dorm space to students on internships. While not glamorous, this option would probably be the easiest. You only need bedding and your clothes.

We do but some of us also don't have the space or a spare bedroom. OP at least has a spare bedroom but it would be a huge imposition on us. We have had friends send their preteens/teens to us for a week or two during the summer and they have never taken our children, and it was expensive and a bit much - they did it every summer for several years till covid it. Between the camps, clothing (what they came in was embarrassing), etc. I spend more on them than my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, some of these posters don’t have children in college. When you get an internship in another city, securing housing for this limited time period is very difficult. The friend took the easy way first and called the OP hoping for a 1 and done. If the OP responds negatively, the friend and her child need keep looking. For the record, local colleges will rent out dorm space to students on internships. While not glamorous, this option would probably be the easiest. You only need bedding and your clothes.

OP mentioned her cooking. I would not want to be responsible for feeding this person for months.

We live in a large house and have 3 spare bedrooms. I think I would consider letting someone stay in our basement. It has its own entrance and bar down there. I wouldn’t even like that because I don’t let my kids take food downstairs.

I also like to turn the alarm on and whenever we have guests, I don’t want them to set the alarm off so we usually keep it off.

I have a teen who had an internship is another city. I rented him an apt. We had friends but we would never ask them since apts are smallish in that city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in Alexandria (Rosemont) and Braddock Road Metro is about a 10 minute walk away. We have a spare bedroom that has its own bathroom. We have used it over the years for both my parents and my wife's parents as a mini apartment. Both are still quite physically active and retired so they'd visit for two week stretches and take advanatge of the easy and cheap access into DC. It's honestly ideal for guests.

My wife's best friend from college lives in Denver and has a daughter who will be a rising senior in college this summer. She has 'won' a 'prestigeous' internship in DC. My wife's friend, DH and daughter have stayed with us in the past and know this set up would be ideal for her daughter this summer. So, she asked if we'd host her for 10 weeks. Not a single thing was mentioned about compensation.

I don't want her here. I don't want the hassle and drama (she is a bit of a partyer) and honestly, I don't really want just the inconveinance. My wife isn't excited about the idea but is way more open to it then I am.

My question is this:

If you were the mom of the intern, would you be offended if we declined? And if you were offended, why did you not approach this more as a transaction a la "Hey, Ava has that internship this summer and she'd love to stay with you (and enjoy your excellent cooking!) but we know that is a hassle, so, could we barter? You can use our apartment in Vail anytime you want. Deal?"

We would say yes with no hesitation - open doors, open home, open heart. You've become curmudgeonly in your old age, get over yourself

[Anonymous]

I let a friend's college graduate son stay for 6 months. The family offered modest rent as part of the request which was nice. I wasn't familiar with how they raised their kids but this guy would walk around shirtless in underwear. And would sit out our family dinners in an adjacent room although he was invited to eat with us. It was all OK but awkward.
I am not sure I would host again. Some young adults still need to learn how to be a houseguest. But how do you not want to help out a young adult with their first real big city job?

[Anonymous]

The kindest thing you can do is say no right away, so they have time to find housing for the summer.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and to actually answer the question posed by the OP, I wouldn’t ask even my best friend to host my DD for 10 weeks. So I can’t say if I would approach it as a barter or not, because it’s such a big request. I might ask my friend to help us with leads on housing for the summer. If she then offered her guest room, I would be looking for ways to make it up to her (use my place in Vail, etc.).