Would you break up over no recognition of Valentine's Day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should break up with a partner who ignores your clearly expressed needs.
It's not about Valentine's Day. It's about you clearly communicating a need and him ignoring it. I'm of the opinion that partners should do their best to meet reasonable requests. And celebrating Valentine's Day is reasonable. I'm not super into myself but nothing wrong with it if you are to don't let other posters shame you for it.
But the bigger issue is it seems like you have to beg him for attention and time and you shouldn't need to do that it also seems he has no interest in incorporating you into his life break up with him for that you want to be with a guy who wants to be with you who you don't have to beg for time and wants to do things that make you smile.

Agree it's not about Valentine's Day. It's about consideration. Guys who can't be bothered to make an effort tend to be selfish and immature. They could hate commercial holidays like this but the fact that you care means they should at least try. It does not mean they need to give you a diamond necklace and go out to a fancy dinner. It could be as easy as a bunch of supermarket flowers and watching a stupid romcom and having pizza and your favorite wine. That's what actual love is like. I hope you find it because this isn't it.

[Anonymous]

I had to learn this the hard way and it's hard to put this gently OP but -

If you think you are in a relationship and your supposed partner is not available on Valentine's Day and other holidays (having clearly communicated kid or other family obligations notwithstanding) they are married, cheating or they do not give a s--- about you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care about Valentine’s Day but if did I would plan something because it’s important to me.

-woman

[Anonymous]

My FWB sent me a gift. Your man is cheap and lazy. Kick him to the curb.

[Anonymous]

What kind of gift PP?

[Anonymous]

OP what do you mean by no recognition? Like he’s treating it like a normal night of hanging out or not even seeing each other?
If not even seeing each other that’s a problem. I don’t care too much about the holiday but only an ahole would diss their gf that day.

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling nothing pleases you.

[Anonymous]

You’re ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of gift PP?

A cute outfit and toys.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Can you do better? If so, feel free to throw a fit. If not, maybe focus on things of actual importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What nobody ever mentions is that 99.9% of women who “care” about valentine’s day do so because their partners absolutely suck at making them feel loved the other 99.9% of the time. You should break up anyway.

+1. Happy Valentine’s Day. You should break up even if he does something. He clearly doesn’t make you feel chosen the rest of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reposting from another thread because I think it's well written and applies here.

"I figured out a long time ago that the reason our marriage works is because we both truly want the other person to be happy, so we listen when someone expresses their feelings about something. There are things we do for each other because we love each other, not because we want to do them. For example, if I want to host a party, he will help with all the cleaning, organizing, shopping, cooking, etc. Not because he wants to, but because he knows it means something to me.

If you're at the point where your spouse doesn't want to do anything for you because they don't care about you, then it's over. I don't know how you come back from that. At the very core of a good relationship is caring about the other person and their feelings and needs, even if, or especially if, they're different than yours. If you don't have that, you have nothing. So it's a dead end."

That was my post, glad you found it helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What nobody ever mentions is that 99.9% of women who “care” about valentine’s day do so because their partners absolutely suck at making them feel loved the other 99.9% of the time. You should break up anyway.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No plans made or talked about. I feel like it's a bad idea to stay with someone who just does not care. I have mentioned that it's something that is important to me and that it is coming up a few times. In early 40s, both divorced, dating about 11 months.

Absolutely not. Are you sure you’re not in hs? Valentine’s Day is a made up commercial holiday that has little meaning outside of candy and card companies making money off you. I could see buying two Georgetown cupcakes or treats to nibble and calling a day.

I personally don't care about Valentine's Day and neither does my husband so we don't do anything for it. BUT, if it means sometime to OP, and she has communicated that, then her boyfriend can either decide to do something about it because she cares about it, or he can decide that his feelings on the subject trump hers, in which case she needs to acknowledge that that's what's happening here.

I don't disagree with you that Valentine's Day is a made up commercial holiday that pushes the sale of chocolates and flowers for commercial gains, but if you replace Valentine's Day with something else, it can provide an important data point in a relationship. Let's say that what is important to OP is taking her dog for a very slow walk every morning for 20 minutes because her dog loves it and that's how she wants to start her day. If her boyfriend wants to rush the walk or complains that a well-trained dog would take care of its business in a timely manner, he's missing the point. SOMETHING is important to OP, and in this case it seems to be Valentine's Day. A caring partner doesn't have to feel the same way about the thing, whatever it is, but they should respect that their partner cares about it and act accordingly. Those who are dismissing Valentine's Day as a stupid holiday and therefore unworthy of attention (which, by the way, is how I feel about it!) are missing the forest for the trees here.

OP, I hope you find a way to communicate why Valentine's Day is important to you and your boyfriend is either able to appreciate it and show you that he cares about you and therefore he will care about Valentine's Day, or, conversely and harder in the short term but better in the long term, you can take his refusal to care about this issue as a dismissal of you and an overall sense about how prioritizes your feelings. I think both of you being divorced (and maybe having kids?) is a complicating factor - he may not have the bandwidth to care about something he thinks it stupid even though it means something to you because he only has so much to give you. That's neither right nor wrong, it just may be what it is.

TLDR: I wouldn't break up over no recognition of Valentine's Day in and of itself, but I would break up with someone who didn't respect the things that matter to me, regardless of whether they are a commercial holiday or something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not break up over V-Day or Steak-and-BJ Day (Mar 14).

Your price is your price. It's a free market.

March 14 is Pi Day...