Would you break up over no recognition of Valentine's Day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No plans made or talked about. I feel like it's a bad idea to stay with someone who just does not care. I have mentioned that it's something that is important to me and that it is coming up a few times. In early 40s, both divorced, dating about 11 months.

I would probably break up with a woman who expects a to-do because some card company designated a day special. It would be a red flag indicator that she is too immature and insecure to date.

[Anonymous]

I would break up if this is a song of him not caring about what's important to you. I do not care about valentines, don't do anything except help kids make valentines. But if it was important to me and my partner ignored listening to me, it wouldn't work with them long term. I care very much about my birthday and want to celebrate and have people over etc and DH makes a big deal about it and helps make it special. He really dislikes his birthday and I respect it and make a big deal about other days.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids? Do they have kids? Do they have them on Valentine's Day? Have you discussed this? So many variables here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I am glad that I am single and not looking in my 40s. What is it with women that you have to endlessly show them that you love them? It's exhausting

Huh? If you're not a psychopath, usually when you love someone you WANT to show it. Thank goodness you aren't subjecting women to... whatever this is.

The OP hasn’t described the efforts she is going to on Valentines Day to show him she loves him. She should want to be going all out if she loves him but it doesn’t seem like she is!

[Anonymous]

My spouse 'forgot' a milestone anniversary this year. He remembered the kids' Valentine's Day gifts but deliberately did nothing for me. We've had a rough go for years, but this was petty, even for him - no thought about how it will impact how our son treats his future wife, or how our daughter thinks she should be treated in a marriage. On days like Valentine's Day, I can almost see why people cheat - it would be nice to be seen and appreciated - but no way I'm letting that be the narrative for the breakup of our family. Since we are still married, I'm going to go spend some of our money on a diamond bracelet tomorrow. I can't believe I'm 40 years old and have never done something like that for myself!

[Anonymous]

I've been happily married for twenty years and we've never celebrated Valentine's Day once. It's a silly expectation.

[Anonymous]

I find something like Valentine's Day fairly childish and commercial and it is not at all meaningful to me. I would not want to be with someone in their 40s who cares about it much. Having said that, if it is important to you, then so be it. Maybe he is just not right for you. But know there is nothing wrong with him and I would think most people past a certain age (16? 22? 25?) find it performative and silly to care about Valentine's Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how I was otherwise treated over the last 11 months. You had the chance to see holidays, birthdays, stress, emergencies. How did that go?

Not great, did not do anything together for Thanksgiving, Xmas or New Year's and it wasn't like they had plans the entire holiday period with family or friends, was just not doing anything with me. Birthday is coming up soon. The more I think about it the more stupid I feel.

This person is not that into you. You're only stupid if you continue to ignore all the signs. Break up with them before your birthday or you're going to spend that day disappointed too.

[Anonymous]

I think you should break up with a partner who ignores your clearly expressed needs.
It's not about Valentine's Day. It's about you clearly communicating a need and him ignoring it. I'm of the opinion that partners should do their best to meet reasonable requests. And celebrating Valentine's Day is reasonable. I'm not super into myself but nothing wrong with it if you are to don't let other posters shame you for it.
But the bigger issue is it seems like you have to beg him for attention and time and you shouldn't need to do that it also seems he has no interest in incorporating you into his life break up with him for that you want to be with a guy who wants to be with you who you don't have to beg for time and wants to do things that make you smile.

[Anonymous]

It's post like this the make me laugh when OP wonders why she's still single.

[Anonymous]

OP is being neither unreasonable nor immature. But she needs to consider first how he treats her the rest of the year. If he treats her very well, then perhaps let this slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is being neither unreasonable nor immature. But she needs to consider first how he treats her the rest of the year. If he treats her very well, then perhaps let this slide.

You could try reading the thread? OP addressed this.

[Anonymous]

I get a card or chocolates for V day. Being in a relationship is about gestures. There are a few holidays during the year to show someone you care with material (even small) presents: bday, Xmas, v day. These things do matter. Its not that hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should break up with a partner who ignores your clearly expressed needs.
It's not about Valentine's Day. It's about you clearly communicating a need and him ignoring it. I'm of the opinion that partners should do their best to meet reasonable requests. And celebrating Valentine's Day is reasonable. I'm not super into myself but nothing wrong with it if you are to don't let other posters shame you for it.
But the bigger issue is it seems like you have to beg him for attention and time and you shouldn't need to do that it also seems he has no interest in incorporating you into his life break up with him for that you want to be with a guy who wants to be with you who you don't have to beg for time and wants to do things that make you smile.

I just posted above and this is my point. It’s really not that hard to do something for your partner on special occasions a few times a year if they have expressed it matters to them.

[Anonymous]

For people who are ridiculing caring about Valentine's day just replace that with some other thing you care about.

DH's family is really rude and unpleasant but because it is important for DH that we see them often I do it. In the same vein, DH could care less about our vegetables beds and how they look but because I care about them he makes an effort to help.