Told we are waitlisted for our top choice school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a reality check and God if you are “devastated” over this.

OP here:

WOW! aren't you a ray of sunshine.

"devasted" I agree is a strong word, but yes I am upset. From the start we had only gotten great feedback and even wink winks, so yes I am pretty damn mad/sad. I am not investing in a school I do not think my daughter fits in to or that we are excited about as a family. That is too much money to give away.

I don't think devastated is too strong a word, OP. This decision can and will have a profound effect on the rest of your child's life. Her future schools, university, career prospects, changes for a suitable mate and a happy life - they all hang in the balance.

I know for a fact that some admissions personnel are willing to accept "gifts" in exchange for favorable waitlist consideration - have you considered that option?

Satire noted, it’d say more about the person who says it than the families navigating it.

[Anonymous]

Most parents are aiming for the same schools, and each feeder school only has a limited number of spots they can realistically send to top-tier schools.

Because of that, feeder schools aren’t just thinking about this year — they’re also thinking long-term and trying to protect their position.

So when kids are pretty equal on paper, it sometimes feels like families with younger siblings have an edge. That way, the school can potentially place multiple siblings into strong schools down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most parents are aiming for the same schools, and each feeder school only has a limited number of spots they can realistically send to top-tier schools.

Because of that, feeder schools aren’t just thinking about this year — they’re also thinking long-term and trying to protect their position.

So when kids are pretty equal on paper, it sometimes feels like families with younger siblings have an edge. That way, the school can potentially place multiple siblings into strong schools down the line.

Families’ situations change, and many who don’t have younger siblings now may in the future. It’s hard to see how that can be a consistent or fair basis for decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents are aiming for the same schools, and each feeder school only has a limited number of spots they can realistically send to top-tier schools.

Because of that, feeder schools aren’t just thinking about this year — they’re also thinking long-term and trying to protect their position.

So when kids are pretty equal on paper, it sometimes feels like families with younger siblings have an edge. That way, the school can potentially place multiple siblings into strong schools down the line.

Families’ situations change, and many who don’t have younger siblings now may in the future. It’s hard to see how that can be a consistent or fair basis for decisions.

You are looking for "fairness" in the context of [checks notes] . . . rich parents who are striving to get their kids into the "right" elementary schools from "feeder" preschools so that the kids can meet the "right people" and attend "prestigious" high schools and, undoubtedly, Ivy League colleges.

"Fair" is completely absent from this scenario. If was never part of it to begin with, and in this context means "something that hurts my kid and helps another."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fundraising requires legacy advantage otherwise no one going to donate money if their child has no chance of being admitted. In a way, it is paying it forwards. The core of a community is also dependent on how deep the relationships go (multiple generations).

Most colleges are eliminating legacy preferences and they seem to be doing OK; if your school can only pay its bills by giving guaranteed spots to middling alumni kids then I don't know what sort of future you imagine for it.

Anonymous wrote:If you think Hunter K is just IQ… I think you didn’t go through process at Hunter. They curate. 1000% I’m so sorry to all it’s frustrating! Should prepare everyone well for when college is equally enraging.

Sorry, I'm aware there's a second round that consists of observation too, but I don't get the impression that either round places much stock in connections / relationships / donor potential / etc; it legitimately is focused on the kid and their potential to thrive at - and contribute positively to - the school community.

No one questions the value of Ivy League or other top colleges. A lot of rich people question the value of private K-8 at 65k a year. Treating legacies well is much more important in that case.

I’m here to say - yes some people question the value of an Ivy League education! Check grade inflation by major, the job prospect by major. It’s definitely not always worth it!

It is very much worth it for unconnected people. It’s not so much worth it for the legacies themselves who were always going to get x job regardless of where they went to college. But as someone who went to Ivied with no connections, and did not major in econ or comp sci, it has opened many, many doors for me. The data also back this up. The less advantaged the family background the more the Ivy education makes a difference.

I absolutely agree on this point. As the first person in my family (incl. extended family) to graduate from college, the fact that I went to a top 5 college changed my life. I would never have had the job opportunities I did without on-campus recruiting, the alumni network, and my college career services center. Of course, I had to perform well on the job once I got there, but getting a foot in the door is tough in some industries. Taking the toughest classes at a top college and performing well gets your resume that 2nd look when you're just starting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

I can actually understand where the OP is coming from. I’m curious which feeder school is being discussed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

I can actually understand where the OP is coming from. I’m curious which feeder school is being discussed here.

People are jealous OP can afford these schools and will get into a TT, even if second choice. Almost no one who goes through this process is more even keel, they all stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents are aiming for the same schools, and each feeder school only has a limited number of spots they can realistically send to top-tier schools.

Because of that, feeder schools aren’t just thinking about this year — they’re also thinking long-term and trying to protect their position.

So when kids are pretty equal on paper, it sometimes feels like families with younger siblings have an edge. That way, the school can potentially place multiple siblings into strong schools down the line.

Families’ situations change, and many who don’t have younger siblings now may in the future. It’s hard to see how that can be a consistent or fair basis for decisions.

You are looking for "fairness" in the context of [checks notes] . . . rich parents who are striving to get their kids into the "right" elementary schools from "feeder" preschools so that the kids can meet the "right people" and attend "prestigious" high schools and, undoubtedly, Ivy League colleges.

"Fair" is completely absent from this scenario. If was never part of it to begin with, and in this context means "something that hurts my kid and helps another."

It seems we’re comparing two kids, and I’m just sharing my thoughts on the reasoning. No offense intended and it’s ultimately none of my business. Taken at face value, this logic suggests that last child in a family is disadvantaged in feeder school placements. So the idea is to keep birthing to play the game?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

I can actually understand where the OP is coming from. I’m curious which feeder school is being discussed here.

People are jealous OP can afford these schools and will get into a TT, even if second choice. Almost no one who goes through this process is more even keel, they all stress.

It’s easier to sound even-keeled when you’re not the one going through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

I can actually understand where the OP is coming from. I’m curious which feeder school is being discussed here.

People are jealous OP can afford these schools and will get into a TT, even if second choice. Almost no one who goes through this process is more even keel, they all stress.

It’s easier to sound even-keeled when you’re not the one going through it.

Yes. People criticizing OP are far removed from the process, never underwent it, and largely don't associate with people who do (otherwise they wouldn't snipe so forcefully). I don't get why they are posting here. If they had any sustained familiarity with the process, they wouldn't post like they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

I can actually understand where the OP is coming from. I’m curious which feeder school is being discussed here.

I did see a lot of applicant kids with uniforms at the girls school events. Which preschool wears a uniform?

[Anonymous]

I honestly thought I had posted this myself. The same thing happened to us and we still don’t know why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For OP - it seems kind of weird and unprofessional that your PSD would tell people that they recommended a specific child over yours.

Our PSD didn’t as that, I found out from someone else. But also not great to hear that.

I doubt this happened in the way you’re worried it did. These schools don’t operate on slots per preschool, just on overall slots.

You should keep your preschool director on your team and see if there’s a way to get into your second choice while pushing for a waitlist spot at the first choice without blowing up anyone’s relationships.

OP here:

I do not plan on blowing up any relationship or kicking my PSD off "my team." Not even in the slightest. I have talked to two sources about the situation we are in and it truly is the PSD and the admissions director in the other end. It all checks out. BUT myself and my husband made it very clear we plan on staying on the waitlist and we expect that our PSD will push to get our child a space at our favored school.

There are definitely many scenario that can happen. We do not even know for sure that our second choice is going to offer our child a spot, or do we know if our third choice will. We may have all waitlists.

We were just told from the beginning that our PSD was pushing for our child for this school and that our child was the number one choice up until yesterday, so we are trying to match up what happened with the sudden change.

There are so many explanations for how a child could go from having strong positive feedback and being the “top choice” by a school to the waitlist pool. If the other child at your preschool is demographically or temperamentally different from yours, it could be that they fill a hole in the class that needs filling. It’s so common that bright smart lovely kids with kind, involved, wonderful parents don’t get into their first choice school for a bunch of reasons that are not any sort of ding on the child, their parents, or the preschool director. It often comes down to what holes they need to fill as they round out a class. But if you really love the school, it’s great to reply to your waitlist offer by re-iterating it’s your first choice and you will definitely accept a spot of one becomes available. Schools love families that love them.

My bet is that it is related to the child's parents.

Can you give a concrete example? I don’t see how this is mainly about parents, since they’re not the ones who need to thrive at school.

All of the OP's posts in this thread.

I can actually understand where the OP is coming from. I’m curious which feeder school is being discussed here.

I did see a lot of applicant kids with uniforms at the girls school events. Which preschool wears a uniform?

Garden house school has uniforms, but it doesn't mean OP is from that school...