Why now old friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, take a deep breath and put on your thinking cap.

I get your anger and your desire to end the friendship, but you have more investigating to do.

You need to call your friend back and be very sweet, patient, and charming as you explore with her why she told you what she did. You need to make her feel safe in case there is something she knows that you should know as well.

She might have been trying to warn you that your husband keeps secrets from you that you really should know.

Something made her think of this fling and decided to tell you at this point. She might be a hater, or she might be someone who doesn't know how to tell you some very bad news and is dropping awkward hints instead.

Unless you prefer walking around as a fool and want to risk looking back years from now and wishing you had caught the hints, I would do more sleuthing here.

You can always drop her as a friend later, but if you burn the bridge now, you can't always go back and get the information that you should've had. Finish your homework first and then decide on the friendship.

True

True? If that were true she wouldn't have said, "That's your problem not mine." That is a terrible thing to day to anyone, much less someone you pretend to be a friend to.

+1. Very rude. She wants to hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he just F-ing his way through your friend group? If he had slept with your mom or sister, would that have been relevant information to know? Why are you letting him off the hook for lying by admission about sleeping with your friends?

Friends are not family. How was he to know she’d be around 50 years later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the rush to cut this friend off really weird but not so atypical of the weird DCUM crowd who aren’t able to navigate conflict.

First, it was before you were married. Second, it’s possible it’s been weighing on her for years and she wanted to find a time to unburden herself when it felt safe (you’re long married, no chance of an affair with her). Maybe it was dumb or thoughtless of her, but I wouldn’t assume evil intent.

If it’s really truly bothering you, ask her. If you aren’t brave enough to ask her, I don’t think it makes sense to cut her off for this. But that’s me.

It's a very selfish move. The friend wanted to unburden herself? Give me a break. If that's true, she was being selfish by telling OP. Can you spin this in a way where the friend had good intent? Some of us don't bother investing in relationships that merely lack evil intent.

Uh maybe she didn’t think it was a big deal because it was 30 YEARS ago, she was with him first AND one might assume dh would have mentioned it to his wife in 30 years. It is so nuts that everyone is mad at this friend. It’s not her obligation

It’s not her place. She should’ve kept her mouth shut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, take a deep breath and put on your thinking cap.

I get your anger and your desire to end the friendship, but you have more investigating to do.

You need to call your friend back and be very sweet, patient, and charming as you explore with her why she told you what she did. You need to make her feel safe in case there is something she knows that you should know as well.

She might have been trying to warn you that your husband keeps secrets from you that you really should know.

Something made her think of this fling and decided to tell you at this point. She might be a hater, or she might be someone who doesn't know how to tell you some very bad news and is dropping awkward hints instead.

Unless you prefer walking around as a fool and want to risk looking back years from now and wishing you had caught the hints, I would do more sleuthing here.

You can always drop her as a friend later, but if you burn the bridge now, you can't always go back and get the information that you should've had. Finish your homework first and then decide on the friendship.

True

True? If that were true she wouldn't have said, "That's your problem not mine." That is a terrible thing to day to anyone, much less someone you pretend to be a friend to.

True that she should play along because there may be more information forthcoming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he just F-ing his way through your friend group? If he had slept with your mom or sister, would that have been relevant information to know? Why are you letting him off the hook for lying by admission about sleeping with your friends?

Friends are not family. How was he to know she’d be around 50 years later

Well they’re in touch regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY IS NO ONE FOCUSING ON THE DH??

I did!

I think OP's angst is misplaced.

+1 I can only assume it’s dudes posting on here, trying to gloss over poor male behavior.

If it’s some women I don’t know, sure. Dh doesn’t need to mention a fling before we met. But if the fling is with someone I’ve been friends with for 30+years, yeah, I’d assume my dh would mention it, if only to ensure he could be the one to tell me and not have it come up randomly like it did where OP would be caught off guard and humiliated.

100%
This sounds like some of incel fanfic honestly.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe he’s been fu$$ing his way thru your friend group and didn’t think to mention it. How do you sleep next to him knowing what a disgusting pig he is?? Like seriously, do women have no self respect these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe he’s been fu$$ing his way thru your friend group and didn’t think to mention it. How do you sleep next to him knowing what a disgusting pig he is?? Like seriously, do women have no self respect these days?

Do any of you blame the husband people bother to read OP’s post. She said the husband and frined dated for two weeks before she eeen MET him. Who knows what the timeframe was months, years, college fling, casual romp? OP also said they morally decided NOT to discuss past relationships. She also said she told her husband and he said what it was, which sounds like nothing. She also said she sees this “friend” occassionally every 5 years or so. Sounds like this friend has been itching to spill the beans for years. There was no affair, no long term relationship, and given the shortness of it didn’t mean anything and her feelings were hurt. Her husband does not need to apologize for a life he had before meeting him, especially if they have a happy marriage and they AGREED to mutually not discuss their past dating history. I don’t think this is a friend because a real friend would’ve said something the moment she knew things were getting serious if it “bothered” her so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds sketchy. How has it not come up that he was f***ing your best friend right before you got together? Gross.

OP here- she wasn’t my best friend and my husband and I have never spoken in detail about past relationships especially anything short term. She has always had some insecurities so this may be part of it.

She’s upset you’re still together and the minute you starting talking about your husband she felt triggered. The graphic details tells you everything you need to know about your so called friend. Misery wants company in her case.