What do you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me know if you need help with anything.

You have 2 choices: have the baby/don't have the baby.
If you have the baby: You have 2 choices: Keep it/don't keep it

Have you thought about those choices?

Whatever happens we will support you in your decision and still plan to help you get through college. If your girlfriend needs support let us know.

I know this feels really big, but in the end everything will work out. Let me know how we can support you.

No. Are you serious? They are mid 20s not 16. Many of us were married in our mid twenties. How rude to ask if they have thought about it. Do you seriously think they just flipped a coin? Good lord.

They do have choices. Nobody needs to have a baby they're not prepared to raise.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 20's dating longer than a year isn't too young to become parents.

No absolutely no.

Bringing a child into this world with no education and given where vaccines are going no.

Pro choice but I’m not celebrating my son if he was that stupid to not use protection. He’s not a man he’s a child.

So its your decision to make because you feel world is doomed? I do too but this is not our decision. Having kids ourselves or not was our decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

OP did good.
OP gave the right advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a great mother
I would be very concerned about the gf who didn’t take care of this earlier

Yes but not everyone has timely periods so missing two weeks isn't an alarm and birth control isn't guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

OP did good.
OP gave the right advice!

Having been in that position, I agree 💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a great mother
I would be very concerned about the gf who didn’t take care of this earlier

Yes but not everyone has timely periods so missing two weeks isn't an alarm and birth control isn't guaranteed.

This. Often you don't know until 6 weeks at the earliest.

[Anonymous]

Can you describe them more?

Are they mid-20s like 25 or 26, working full time jobs with benefits, and have been dating for a year or more?

Or are they 22 and 26 and one is between jobs and one is in grad school and working as a barista and lives at home and they met last summer?

HUGE difference here. I was 25 when I became surprise pregnant. I considered all options. But we had been together for a while and got married. That baby is headed to college next year and my husband is a pretty good husband and dad. I have friends who could not have swung this. So it really depends.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why this is turning into a sky is falling scenario. They are post 25, out of college, have jobs and are in an exclusive relationship. Not ideal to have an unplanned baby but doable if they had plans to marry and have a family in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We love you and support you in all your choices.

This, plus I'm available to listen to anything you'd like to talk out.

All of this. Let me know how I can support you.

So in response to what people tell us, even yes, chidren, we are supposed to support them in whatevery choice they make, just because it is their choice, there we must support?

[Anonymous]

Also totally fine to go abortion route if they aren't willing to go through this. What is the point of evolution if science can't help people. Having a baby is a life altering thing, specially for a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We love you and support you in all your choices.

This, plus I'm available to listen to anything you'd like to talk out.

All of this. Let me know how I can support you.

So in response to what people tell us, even yes, chidren, we are supposed to support them in whatevery choice they make, just because it is their choice, there we must support?

When it comes to their reproductive choice, you 100000% do. How is this not clear to you?

[Anonymous]

I think OP is handling it well though not much compassion for the GF.

[Anonymous]

While not being born isn't necessarily great, being an unwanted child is probably worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We love you and support you in all your choices.

This, plus I'm available to listen to anything you'd like to talk out.

All of this. Let me know how I can support you.

So in response to what people tell us, even yes, chidren, we are supposed to support them in whatevery choice they make, just because it is their choice, there we must support?

When it comes to their reproductive choice, you 100000% do. How is this not clear to you?

It is not clear that another person in the world could possibly disagree with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are a great mother
I would be very concerned about the gf who didn’t take care of this earlier

OP here

from what I understand from my son she was on birth control pills ... not hormonal birth control

While his dad and I were both in grad school in boston, I terminated an unplanned pregnancy in late 1994 at the same Brookline (Boston) clinic where someone came in with guns a few weeks later and started shooting up the place. I visually remembered some of the staffers who were killed. We'd had to wade through a bunch of protesters outside who kept grabbing at our sleeves and said horrible things like

"You'll go to to hell for killing your baby"

"Murderers"

Just WTF where even are those people today? They were all old people

So I'm just saying I've done some things.

Inside, it was a normal surgical procedure. People were very kind. But they had to be behind security doors. No one wanted to be there.

NO one WANTS to be there

I'm still not in hell. I love my adult children and will support them in any ways they need.