What do you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offer to take the baby.

+1000

They’re mid 20s, not teens.
Why can’t they raise their own baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offer to take the baby.

+1000

As much as I will love my grandchildren one day, I'd never suggest to raise one of them. I'm done raising children.

Agree.

Yeah, that would not be one of the options on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mid 20s son tells you his girlfriend of a year is pregnant and wants your advice.

They don’t know how far along she is and they have a joint appointment at planned parenthood in the next 48 hours.

What would you actually say?

"Congratulations. When is the wedding?" What else would you say?

Uh, I'd remind them they have options. NObody has to get married just because they're pregnant. It's not 1943.

[Anonymous]

Early abortion is easier than going through pregnancy, labor and adoption. Too much stress, physical, mental and financial. If they want to keep the baby, that's great but otherwise why go through it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

OP here

No, actually those were none of my thoughts were for them to get married at all because that’s not really a thing anymore

The only way in which it occurred to me is if they decided to stay together because he has great health insurance and I’m not sure whether being married or not would impact the delivery and other health insurance expenses being covered

I don’t really care what “God” or the community thinks because I’m still legally and Catholically married to his Dad and none of the people who would supposedly “care” apparently think about that anymore … so pffft on that

I just talked to my son. The PP they went to today only does sonograms up through 14 weeks and she seems to be beyond, so they were referred to a different facility in a neighboring city. He said he saw a checklist where they kept crossing off the word “abortion” so it means they’re on to the next level. Different facilities that perform terminations at later dates. That appointment is tomorrow (Friday) because in these cases they definitely do not say “we’ll just see you next week”

Again, I’m neither here nor there on the whole situation, it’s beyond my control, but I think it’s valuable to share information. I have had a termination, I’ve had children naturally, I’ve adopted children. I have had many cousins who have had teenage pregnancies who are fine today (depending on what you call fine).

There’s just not a one-way route for everyone.

Thanks for listening

[Anonymous]

Let it sink in and take couple of days to process, explore options and make a well thought out decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

OP here

No, actually those were none of my thoughts were for them to get married at all because that’s not really a thing anymore

The only way in which it occurred to me is if they decided to stay together because he has great health insurance and I’m not sure whether being married or not would impact the delivery and other health insurance expenses being covered

I don’t really care what “God” or the community thinks because I’m still legally and Catholically married to his Dad and none of the people who would supposedly “care” apparently think about that anymore … so pffft on that

I just talked to my son. The PP they went to today only does sonograms up through 14 weeks and she seems to be beyond, so they were referred to a different facility in a neighboring city. He said he saw a checklist where they kept crossing off the word “abortion” so it means they’re on to the next level. Different facilities that perform terminations at later dates. That appointment is tomorrow (Friday) because in these cases they definitely do not say “we’ll just see you next week”

Again, I’m neither here nor there on the whole situation, it’s beyond my control, but I think it’s valuable to share information. I have had a termination, I’ve had children naturally, I’ve adopted children. I have had many cousins who have had teenage pregnancies who are fine today (depending on what you call fine).

There’s just not a one-way route for everyone. Thanks for listening

NP seems strange that she didn't figure it out in the first trimester, but at least now is better than when she's in labor!

[Anonymous]

What would I literally say?

"How are you feeling? Are you OK? Do you need my help with anything? What do you think you want to do? How does she feel?"

[Anonymous]

Mid 20's dating longer than a year isn't too young to become parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mid 20s son tells you his girlfriend of a year is pregnant and wants your advice.

They don’t know how far along she is and they have a joint appointment at planned parenthood in the next 48 hours.

What would you actually say?

"Congratulations. When is the wedding?"

What else would you say?

Absolutely not !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 20's dating longer than a year isn't too young to become parents.

No absolutely no.

Bringing a child into this world with no education and given where vaccines are going no.

Pro choice but I’m not celebrating my son if he was that stupid to not use protection. He’s not a man he’s a child.

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I got a text message I didn’t see for 2 hours. Please Please Mom call me. 3pm. I called back 2x but apparently Verizon was down in our area for a little while. I even texted his dad (my ex) saying what’s the emergency I can’t get through. Never heard back from the ex.

Son called back at 8pm and told me the story. They had the Planned Parenthood appointment today.

Regardless of the story I just told him, she has all the choices. Welcome to adulthood. Women don’t have the choice when they have to bleed every month with pain and carry pregnancies and give birth and breastfeed, and you have had your choices all along.

I said:

“OK, so this is where you grow up. It’s not the end of the world, this is no one’s first rodeo. This has happened throughout history. You have a good support system whatever she chooses - but it’s not your choice because you’re not the one who gets to make the choice now, and she has many choices that no longer involve you.

She can terminate the pregnancy. She can deliver the baby and give it up for adoption. She can have the baby and keep it and you’ll have to pay child support for up to 22 years. It’s no longer your choice. Your choice was to have sex.”

The thing is, they don’t know how far along she is. He did ask how hard is it to give a baby up for adoption. I said, “it’s very easy legally to give a newborn up for adoption. But it’s very hard emotionally, traumatic, actually, and you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. You will never forget it. And it’s even worse on (his girlfriend’s name)”

“We are a support system for you always. But I can’t solve this one for you. I can’t show up at the appointment for you. I can’t have any opinion. I can’t have any input. That’s what being an adult means, your mom and dad can’t do anything today, you are the adult today.”

That’s all I had. He asked me not to tell anyone, including his dad, of course I would not do that.

I think I just told him, “things will be OK no matter what you decide, I can’t promise that they will you ever be the same, but this is not a new thing and for centuries people have found ways around it. Whatever decision you both make will be OK in the end.”

None of your choices was to propose to her, get married, and make this the beginning of their family? I think that might be one of the choices his GF would like.

OP here

No, actually those were none of my thoughts were for them to get married at all because that’s not really a thing anymore

The only way in which it occurred to me is if they decided to stay together because he has great health insurance and I’m not sure whether being married or not would impact the delivery and other health insurance expenses being covered

I don’t really care what “God” or the community thinks because I’m still legally and Catholically married to his Dad and none of the people who would supposedly “care” apparently think about that anymore … so pffft on that

I just talked to my son. The PP they went to today only does sonograms up through 14 weeks and she seems to be beyond, so they were referred to a different facility in a neighboring city. He said he saw a checklist where they kept crossing off the word “abortion” so it means they’re on to the next level. Different facilities that perform terminations at later dates. That appointment is tomorrow (Friday) because in these cases they definitely do not say “we’ll just see you next week”

Again, I’m neither here nor there on the whole situation, it’s beyond my control, but I think it’s valuable to share information. I have had a termination, I’ve had children naturally, I’ve adopted children. I have had many cousins who have had teenage pregnancies who are fine today (depending on what you call fine).

There’s just not a one-way route for everyone.

Thanks for listening

Stay strong, OP. I think you're doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Let it sink in and take couple of days to process, explore options and make a well thought out decision.

OP here

I think that's what I pretty much told him. I just got off the phone with him.

Right now life itself has a hold on you

You won't sleep and she won't sleep and I'm definitely not really sleeping

I just thought I'd share it here so people here who are parents of kids of child-bearing age can perhaps follow what maybe really happens.

[Anonymous]

OP you are a great mother
I would be very concerned about the gf who didn’t take care of this earlier