Parents who are overwhelmed with one or two kids

[Anonymous]

People with more kids give less attention to each kid. That's not always a bad thing. Not saying it's bad for the kid, it just is.

There certainly are parents, even parents with only one or two, who just make parenting way-harder than it has to be.

[Anonymous]

There is a reason you have 3 kids which is they are easy. Until you've had a child that is anything but easy you don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it’s about wanting more out of life than just kids. I want to be able to exercise and take care of myself, have date nights with my husband, meet up with friends etc. so yes having more kids world make that harder and trying to do all of that with the two I have can often feel overwhelming. We think about 3 but that would require us to reframe what we want out of life and as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first kid is really, really, really, really, really really difficult.

The next child was so freaking easy I thought to myself oh, this is how people have multiple children.

So I went on to have multiple children, but I never thought it was my parenting that made that possible. I always knew it was the kids temperament.

So I wonder why the universe gave me that difficult child it was so I didn’t end up like you.

I can’t even imagine what a snotty self-important a hole I would be without that first child.

This is me too. First one was so hard, so sensitive, so much unstoppable crying, terrible sleeper, picky eater, medical issues that required medication every 6 hours (including overnight), so much pent up energy all day. We didn’t get to sleep through the night until the medication and medical issues resolved and the night wakings subsided after he turned 3.

Second one is as easy as can be. Sleeps 12 hours in a row since 4 months with no sleep training. The calmest temperament, eats well, happy to just hang out all day, never cries.

I’m glad OP has had easy children, but come on OP. Hope your hubris doesn’t smack you down during the teen years.

[Anonymous]

Different people have different stressors.
Different kids have different temperaments and are way more challenging and it's not always down to parenting .
If you're finding parenting easy be thankful instead of smug.

[Anonymous]

People have different levels of tolerance. Some people thrive in the energy and commotion level of large families, even those with easy kids.

I am not one of those people. My DH grew up in a family with several kids and his parents loved it. He did not want that nor did I.

So some people just don’t want more. Also some kids are hard. Our first didn’t nap, had reflux when they were young and has always been high energy. Three kids like that and a full time job would have been miserable for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different kids have different temperaments and it sounds like you have kids on the easier side. You must know the not all kids are built the same!

j


I came here to post THIS.
I only have two kids, because the second is so. Hard. Not special needs per se, but just exhausting in every way possible.

My first was (and still is at 18) easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it’s about wanting more out of life than just kids. I want to be able to exercise and take care of myself, have date nights with my husband, meet up with friends etc. so yes having more kids world make that harder and trying to do all of that with the two I have can often feel overwhelming. We think about 3 but that would require us to reframe what we want out of life and as a couple.

It’s this for me. I’m miserable when my life is centered around kids. I need daily exercise, hobbies, sex, work, friends, etc to be happy.

I could get that pretty easily with one kid, with two it’s been much harder. That being said, being married made it extremely difficult (xH was a man child), and I have so much more free time now that I’m divorced.

I also once heard a mom of grown kids say she regrets spending so much time doing “kid” stuff and wished she had just taken her kids with her to do what she wanted. So I try to do more of that, rather than having our lives revolve around kid activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a reason you have 3 kids which is they are easy. Until you've had a child that is anything but easy you don't get it.

Or, they dump them on others and kids fend for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it’s about wanting more out of life than just kids. I want to be able to exercise and take care of myself, have date nights with my husband, meet up with friends etc. so yes having more kids world make that harder and trying to do all of that with the two I have can often feel overwhelming. We think about 3 but that would require us to reframe what we want out of life and as a couple.

It’s this for me. I’m miserable when my life is centered around kids. I need daily exercise, hobbies, sex, work, friends, etc to be happy.

I could get that pretty easily with one kid, with two it’s been much harder. That being said, being married made it extremely difficult (xH was a man child), and I have so much more free time now that I’m divorced.

I also once heard a mom of grown kids say she regrets spending so much time doing “kid” stuff and wished she had just taken her kids with her to do what she wanted. So I try to do more of that, rather than having our lives revolve around kid activities.

That is a very selfish mom.

[Anonymous]

STFU Op

[Anonymous]

You don't sound very empathetic so I'm guessing you're checked out of your kids' emotional lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how it can be so difficult with just one or two kid. I have 3 and at one point had a newborn, 3 year old and 4 year old. I did 75% of things solo when DH was in the office.

Every time one of my kids is at a playdate or with friends and I only have 2 kids it feels like I have all this extra time and it’s so easy.

I feel bad and would never vocalize this since most of my friends have only 1 or 2 kids but whenever they complain at how hard it is I am always so confused. I don’t find 3 very difficult either and have always wanted more but that probably won’t happen.

I agree OP same with me.
DH traveled Monday -Friday the first 15 years of our marriage.

My sister both have one and it is always complain about how hard it is....

And I worked full time.

To be fair, I have three kids. My third is 5 yrs younger than the middle. Often I have the third alone for long stretches of time when the older kids are at sleepaway camp or sports tournaments. I find parenting one child harder than three. Once you have three, they start entertaining each other, freeing you up to do whatever it is you want or need to do. A single child wants a lot more parent involvement and interaction from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Yikes. WHY?

[Anonymous]

"There is a reason you have 3 kids which is they are easy. Until you've had a child that is anything but easy you don't get it."

Agree. Your message feels a little tone deaf and lacking empathy; I don't think you understand all the different circumstances (behavior, learning, personality) one can have with a child. Relatively easy children here, too. But you just don't know what other people are dealing with.