Secrets to remaining married to narcissist and keeping inner happiness?

[Anonymous]

That is impossible. Even a narc friend will suck the life out of you. Narc spouse? Emotional and mental death sentences. You need to leave. If you have kids, you are creating new narcs or severely traumatized kids who will never be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Op here - there is not just 1 kind of narcissist like some movie villain. Mine can be very charming and fun, and there is a lot about him I genuinely love. A lot of the top business leaders are narcisstic personality disorder, a lot of very successful people. Because there is a lot to love about their personalities and they have the “rizz.” It can be hard being in an intimate relationship w them, though.

I am asking for strategies of how people made it work, not for making the other posters on this board feel badly about being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Growing up in a dysfunctional home with a NPD parent will impact your children. Who cares about “rizz” in that context?

Well, I can’t take out a hit, so my kids are going to grow up with both of their parents.

I’m shocked you married a narcissist given your self awareness and strong sense of agency. If you aren’t seeing a therapist specializing in family systems and attachment as well as personality disorders, I would strongly recommend it.

Sorry for making a sarcastic comment on this forum. But someone suggested that my children, who have two living parents, somehow grow up without one of them.
I don’t really think they are suggesting murder, but what exactly is the suggestion? I can’t speak for anyone else on this thread, but my husband has definitely promised to make my kids lives miserable if I leave him.

DP. But they are already miserable now. I know someone dealing with this, and her poor kid is utterly miserable. A divorced would provide a hone for the kud to breath 50% of the time.

In my experience, keeping inner happiness and outer peace with the narcissist are at odds with one another. If you are being true to yourself, you will it difficult to fawn and admire and placate the narcissist. And that will enrage him.

Now that I'm divorced, my 13 year old said, "I don't know if it's because I'm younger, but I never realized Daddy was like this." Removing myself from the equation (which wasn't even my decision -- he found supply in another woman and walked out on me) meant my kids can see his disordered personality much more clearly. And this equips them to learn how to protect and stand up for themselves.

That said, humans are adaptable and many people live in circumstances that aren't ideal. Practice gratitude. Journal. Remain connected to healthy people who give you joy. Make fun of the narcissist on the inside while you smile on the outside.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had stayed married but separated letting him have affairs and used his money for boarding school with kids in their teens. I think my ex just didnt want to be a parent after all the kids turned 11. It was like he had had enough of married life and after his dad died he wanted to escape. This started about 15 years into the marriage and this is when the midlife crisis happens. Maybe the British were right and sending older kids to boarding school for upper grades is a good idea for everyone. I could have moved near the boarding school and saw the kids often and he could have kept up appearances with his family.

[Anonymous]

As a mom on the fence looking back, leave.

Do not look back and just leave. He won’t change. You already know who he is.

Be stronger than me for your own kids. That first violent act will reappear. It was surprising and never OK. Leave him now if he’s ever touched a hair on your head. It will get worse.