Family estrangement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have no sense of connection with or obligation to anyone anymore. I think people are dead inside from all the violence we see every day, day in day out in the media, TV shows, tv ads, movies, etc. Plus a lot of adults now were raised in daycare where no one who took care of them loved them.

+1 This is my take as well. I would also include an increase in mental illness due to several factors. Mental illness can even be manifesting itself as an inability to have healthy connections and attachments, less empathy, more narcissistic traits, etc.

I think it’s FOX News, extreme financial situations of many boomers and lead poisoning being released.

FOX News really feeds anxiety in boomers and turns them into raving sociopaths. Some boomers who didn’t or weren’t able to financially plan for retirement are in a state of anxiety, anger and desperation. Other boomers are sitting on a stockpile larger than they’ve ever lived with from real estate and stock appreciation. They behave like trash that won the lottery or miserly hoarders terrified someone will take what’s THEIRS. There is a thing about chronic low lead exposure among boomers that is now being released as their bones soften. It’s leading to absolute awful behavior from this group.

No kidding about the lead. They were surrounded by lead-- lead pipes, lead paint, leaded gasoline, toys painted with lead paint, etc. Imagine growing up in the 1950s-60s on a busy city block with cars spewing exhaust containing lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who are now grandparents are the last of a chain of people where there was a social expectation of women to do all of the work. They largely put in the effort with their parents and in laws but cannot expect the same back from their children/children in law. So they’re aggrieved and (the ones who are estranged) aren’t finding ways to deal with it.

Grandparents who are smart about this are using their money and time so that *no one* does the work. I have a ton of friends traveling to all-inclusives or cruises this holiday as treats from their parents or in laws. Special memories and no clean up.

Shouldn't the parents and adult children take turns paying for the vacations?

Why? If the parents have more means and want to spend the time with their kids, why not make it appealing?

Cooking/cleaning/planning/doing the hosting for extended family isn’t as appealing as sitting with them on a beach watching the sunset. Nicer memories for the grandkids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who are now grandparents are the last of a chain of people where there was a social expectation of women to do all of the work. They largely put in the effort with their parents and in laws but cannot expect the same back from their children/children in law. So they’re aggrieved and (the ones who are estranged) aren’t finding ways to deal with it.

Grandparents who are smart about this are using their money and time so that *no one* does the work. I have a ton of friends traveling to all-inclusives or cruises this holiday as treats from their parents or in laws. Special memories and no clean up.

Shouldn't the parents and adult children take turns paying for the vacations?

Why? If the parents have more means and want to spend the time with their kids, why not make it appealing?

Cooking/cleaning/planning/doing the hosting for extended family isn’t as appealing as sitting with them on a beach watching the sunset. Nicer memories for the grandkids too.

This! My ILs are always complaining that they want to travel with us. The thing is, I’m not sacrificing the only vacation we can afford to take our kids on, to the ILs whims. The one and only time they offered to pay, we went! Why wouldn’t we? If they buy, we will fly. Otherwise, we are planning our own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have no sense of connection with or obligation to anyone anymore. I think people are dead inside from all the violence we see every day, day in day out in the media, TV shows, tv ads, movies, etc. Plus a lot of adults now were raised in daycare where no one who took care of them loved them.

+1 This is my take as well. I would also include an increase in mental illness due to several factors. Mental illness can even be manifesting itself as an inability to have healthy connections and attachments, less empathy, more narcissistic traits, etc.

I think it’s FOX News, extreme financial situations of many boomers and lead poisoning being released.

FOX News really feeds anxiety in boomers and turns them into raving sociopaths. Some boomers who didn’t or weren’t able to financially plan for retirement are in a state of anxiety, anger and desperation. Other boomers are sitting on a stockpile larger than they’ve ever lived with from real estate and stock appreciation. They behave like trash that won the lottery or miserly hoarders terrified someone will take what’s THEIRS. There is a thing about chronic low lead exposure among boomers that is now being released as their bones soften. It’s leading to absolute awful behavior from this group.

I think this explains MAGA boomers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it was sexual abuse and the way my family reacted when I disclosed it (parent is still married to the person who did it and claimed not to remember). The way my parent reacted isn't something I can be around even if I tried so hard to make it work.
I hate that I am lumped in with "less legitimate" cases, including by the parent who didn't abuse me, although it doesn't mean those other cases aren't legit.

My mother did this my entire life but she wasnt married to him and he died. I've finally come to the conclusion that she can't see herself as a bad parent and so makes up stories when uncomfortable. You can't change people. I spend some minimal time with her because I want my kids to see that we can forgive and be the bigger person and take care of the elderly. I've just turned it into something I want to do for myself rather than her.

That’s great for you? Don’t imply others should be able to follow your example. “You can’t change people” does not mean “you have to have an ongoing relationship with people who deny you were physically abused.”