Biggest red flags in dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pooping in the fridge

Man, I’d like to think this is a joke, but I did briefly date a guy once who, a week into dating, told me all the stories about how he pooped his pants. Then he started sending me reports on his poop - color, size, consistency, number of wipes, etc.

He was SO hot but this instantly killed all my attraction to him. Whyyyyy do people behave like this?!

Mental illness. Often extremely mentally ill people can go a long time unchecked because they are very attractive.

if this isn’t the truest statement. If you don’t believe in pretty privilege in any other area I promise you it is very prevalent when it comes to severe mental illness. I am 43 and personally know 4 people (3 women and 1 man) who were so obviously mentally disordered but were so crazy attractive that it pretty much was accepted by many people for long periods of time. Eventually all their relationships failed but I swear any other person wouldn’t have even been given the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

lol well how is that working out for you?

I cannot imagine being so boring and having so little agency that I just say around and let a man pay for everything and plan everything for MONTHS.

[Anonymous]

what do you think about woman who expect their man to pay for everything and never go 50/50. If you are a man and would do it then what do you need or want to see in her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what do you think about woman who expect their man to pay for everything and never go 50/50. If you are a man and would do it then what do you need or want to see in her?

You are grossly taking your question out of proportion or reality. 1. There is a difference between never contributing or starting contributing when people are exclusive 2. Counting each time 50/50, Venmo back and forth, going Dutch looks very transactional to me as a woman. I have a companion like that with whom I go out to book clubs, opera and jazz at times. But I feel nothing sexual towards a transactional man who always bins counts. 3. There are ways she can contribute without going 50/50 in restaurants in front of everyone to show how "liberal" and financially independent she is. Travel, contribute to expensive joint purchases like cars, taking on more household or childcare duties (some GFs drive their partners' kids to sports practices, never heard of it?) 4. Men and women are not equal. In dating, a man is almost ALWAYS older, more professionally established and better situated in life. It would be unfair to ask a younger woman to pay 50/50 with someone more financially successful, anyway. If this is what he wants, he should date women his age or older, and of similar financial stamina

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women?

We wouldn’t be exclusive after a couple of dates so I would assume she is also seeing other people. I’m also not sure how that factors into who is paying/contributing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women?

And, lastly, do you date women who are at least 5 years younger than you or your age peers of similar financial standing, do you know/disciss their financial situation after date 3, and do you expect a relationship or casual dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what do you think about woman who expect their man to pay for everything and never go 50/50. If you are a man and would do it then what do you need or want to see in her?

You are grossly taking your question out of proportion or reality. 1. There is a difference between never contributing or starting contributing when people are exclusive 2. Counting each time 50/50, Venmo back and forth, going Dutch looks very transactional to me as a woman. I have a companion like that with whom I go out to book clubs, opera and jazz at times. But I feel nothing sexual towards a transactional man who always bins counts. 3. There are ways she can contribute without going 50/50 in restaurants in front of everyone to show how "liberal" and financially independent she is. Travel, contribute to expensive joint purchases like cars, taking on more household or childcare duties (some GFs drive their partners' kids to sports practices, never heard of it?) 4. Men and women are not equal. In dating, a man is almost ALWAYS older, more professionally established and better situated in life. It would be unfair to ask a younger woman to pay 50/50 with someone more financially successful, anyway. If this is what he wants, he should date women his age or older, and of similar financial stamina

Wow, there are a ton of assumptions built in there. It makes no sense to me that the rate of contribution, whatever that may be, would change dramatically at exclusivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pooping in the fridge

Man, I’d like to think this is a joke, but I did briefly date a guy once who, a week into dating, told me all the stories about how he pooped his pants. Then he started sending me reports on his poop - color, size, consistency, number of wipes, etc.

He was SO hot but this instantly killed all my attraction to him. Whyyyyy do people behave like this?!

Mental illness. Often extremely mentally ill people can go a long time unchecked because they are very attractive.

if this isn’t the truest statement. If you don’t believe in pretty privilege in any other area I promise you it is very prevalent when it comes to severe mental illness. I am 43 and personally know 4 people (3 women and 1 man) who were so obviously mentally disordered but were so crazy attractive that it pretty much was accepted by many people for long periods of time. Eventually all their relationships failed but I swear any other person wouldn’t have even been given the chance.

PP you are responding to- I experienced this with my own mother. People gave her the benefit of the doubt no matter what insane things she was saying and doing because she was petite and beautiful. I even tried to warn my husband about her and he didn't take me seriously because my mom is so "cute." Famous last words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women?

We wouldn’t be exclusive after a couple of dates so I would assume she is also seeing other people. I’m also not sure how that factors into who is paying/contributing.

Your assumption is wrong: women in general are way less promiscuous as men. Most women don't sleep with a man unless they see a relationship potential. Women are monogamous. She's likely just sleeping with one man at a time and chatting with other guys online and doing coffee dates, while you decide
So this is the answer. I won't be paying for ANY man anything until we discussed finances and became exclusive (at his request). Dates don't need to be expensive. When dating multiple people usually they see me once or twice a week. If he's unable to cover the cost of basic drinks at a bar once a week, our invite me to a cheap jazz club, or if it takes him more than 2 months to decide on exclusivity - I'm just not a good match for him. Most relationships like that end at second-third month for that reason, not for financial reasons; the men juggle multiple women. Those men who want to be serious, start touching base on exclusivity in 4-5 dates and 2-3 nights together. They begin including me in activities with their friends, co-workers, plan a weekend together. So the timeline of me beginning financially contributing is much shorter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what do you think about woman who expect their man to pay for everything and never go 50/50. If you are a man and would do it then what do you need or want to see in her?

You are grossly taking your question out of proportion or reality. 1. There is a difference between never contributing or starting contributing when people are exclusive 2. Counting each time 50/50, Venmo back and forth, going Dutch looks very transactional to me as a woman. I have a companion like that with whom I go out to book clubs, opera and jazz at times. But I feel nothing sexual towards a transactional man who always bins counts. 3. There are ways she can contribute without going 50/50 in restaurants in front of everyone to show how "liberal" and financially independent she is. Travel, contribute to expensive joint purchases like cars, taking on more household or childcare duties (some GFs drive their partners' kids to sports practices, never heard of it?) 4. Men and women are not equal. In dating, a man is almost ALWAYS older, more professionally established and better situated in life. It would be unfair to ask a younger woman to pay 50/50 with someone more financially successful, anyway. If this is what he wants, he should date women his age or older, and of similar financial stamina

Wow, there are a ton of assumptions built in there. It makes no sense to me that the rate of contribution, whatever that may be, would change dramatically at exclusivity.

It absolutely does. I won't contribute anything to a man "test driving" me . He gets casual sex which is plenty and cheaper than hiring an escort. I'm nothing to him, a number on his bed post. I know how men on OLD think and operate- men told me themselves. A woman must be nuts and really desperate to contribute financially until he commits to only seeing her. They will only think she's desperate if woman starts organizing and paying for dates.
Men are the most practical and transactional creatures out there: they vote for women with their wallet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women?

And, lastly, do you date women who are at least 5 years younger than you or your age peers of similar financial standing, do you know/disciss their financial situation after date 3, and do you expect a relationship or casual dating?

No, people I date are not necessarily at least five years younger. I probably make more than most people I’ve gone out with, but some have made more and others are somewhat comparable. We wouldn’t discuss detailed finances, but if you know someone’s job you have a sense of income.

I’m ultimately looking for a relationship, but why would casual v relationship influence who pays?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:what do you think about woman who expect their man to pay for everything and never go 50/50. If you are a man and would do it then what do you need or want to see in her?

You are grossly taking your question out of proportion or reality. 1. There is a difference between never contributing or starting contributing when people are exclusive 2. Counting each time 50/50, Venmo back and forth, going Dutch looks very transactional to me as a woman. I have a companion like that with whom I go out to book clubs, opera and jazz at times. But I feel nothing sexual towards a transactional man who always bins counts. 3. There are ways she can contribute without going 50/50 in restaurants in front of everyone to show how "liberal" and financially independent she is. Travel, contribute to expensive joint purchases like cars, taking on more household or childcare duties (some GFs drive their partners' kids to sports practices, never heard of it?) 4. Men and women are not equal. In dating, a man is almost ALWAYS older, more professionally established and better situated in life. It would be unfair to ask a younger woman to pay 50/50 with someone more financially successful, anyway. If this is what he wants, he should date women his age or older, and of similar financial stamina

Wow, there are a ton of assumptions built in there. It makes no sense to me that the rate of contribution, whatever that may be, would change dramatically at exclusivity.

It absolutely does. I won't contribute anything to a man "test driving" me . He gets casual sex which is plenty and cheaper than hiring an escort. I'm nothing to him, a number on his bed post. I know how men on OLD think and operate- men told me themselves. A woman must be nuts and really desperate to contribute financially until he commits to only seeing her. They will only think she's desperate if woman starts organizing and paying for dates.
Men are the most practical and transactional creatures out there: they vote for women with their wallet.

It’s probably for the best you aren’t contributing. You need to save your money for therapy.

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Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute.

It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive.

Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women?

And, lastly, do you date women who are at least 5 years younger than you or your age peers of similar financial standing, do you know/disciss their financial situation after date 3, and do you expect a relationship or casual dating?

No, people I date are not necessarily at least five years younger. I probably make more than most people I’ve gone out with, but some have made more and others are somewhat comparable. We wouldn’t discuss detailed finances, but if you know someone’s job you have a sense of income.

I’m ultimately looking for a relationship, but why would casual v relationship influence who pays?

It absolutely does make a difference. My body is not a dumpster and can't sustain casual dating. I have a serous beauty routine in my 40s, I test between partners, take vaginal estrogen, treatments, dress out to go out on dates with a man. Yes, men also gave me STDs couple times (not serious not something like ureaplasma or e-coli), as they tend not to be particular careful with protection or how their fingers move around if it's just a casual encounter. Once I was getting $400 bills in mail for a urinary infection I got from someone I dated for 2 months and wasn't exclusive with. Men are less prone to that, they don't need to invest as much into their looks and sexual health.
I do only date for a relationship and make it clear. If a man only wants casual until he decides on relationship, he better organizes really nice dates for me to leave my house and meet them.