Biggest red flags in dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prison time. She was super friendly, cute, and fun in bed.. but she also did over a year in MD prison for drug posession and DUI (was not her first drug offense, that's why). She was clean when we dated, but still.

She did have some interesting stories from prison though...

The hottest sex I’ve ever had was with a guy who later went to jail. He was 100% the stereotype of a bad boy and nobody was surprised he got locked up. But damn, we had some great times in bed and I’ve never had that same spark with anyone else.

I found out he got out last week and now I can’t stop thinking about him and all the fun we had. I am old enough to know better than to get involved with a criminal, but still, part of me hopes he’ll reach out….

What was good about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

+1 This is typical with all the women I know. While dating the man pays for and often plans everything. If or when they move in together or the relationship becomes more long term then there's more joint expenses. Like PP, expensive joint travel is different unless the man is really wealthy.

How can this be typical? You actually go months/years never/rarely suggesting an activity? You never pay for a movie or concert ticket or baseball game? You just let him tell you what you are doing and he pays for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prison time. She was super friendly, cute, and fun in bed.. but she also did over a year in MD prison for drug posession and DUI (was not her first drug offense, that's why). She was clean when we dated, but still.

She did have some interesting stories from prison though...

🥴

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

+1 This is typical with all the women I know. While dating the man pays for and often plans everything. If or when they move in together or the relationship becomes more long term then there's more joint expenses. Like PP, expensive joint travel is different unless the man is really wealthy.

How can this be typical? You actually go months/years never/rarely suggesting an activity? You never pay for a movie or concert ticket or baseball game? You just let him tell you what you are doing and he pays for it?

You sound like an angry person. It's not all the time. It's not like the man is dictating what to do. They make suggestions and the woman is free to make suggestions but IME the execution is 9 times out of 10 up to the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.

Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses
At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc.
I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel

This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility.

My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.

I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”?

I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him.
If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time.

which bills?

Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another.

You know your fellow male gender very little. I used to split dating expenses in the very begging of dating. When men see the woman is doing it or invites them for the dates, they immediately put her in “desperate low value” . And move to the next woman that doesn’t pay. Because they perceive it as a signal of her popularity with other men.

I've never seen this but there are so many men who are gentlemen and will pay that it seems like it's a way to screen out the men who do not as too poor to pay or too cheap.

It is also a good way to screen out the guys who are super attractive, but juggle several women without investing in any of them. Like, why don't you drive over to hang out in my apartment, dear? Men who seek relationships always invite out, plan dates, and the dates don't need to be super expensive. It can be a hike with Gluhwine at a rustic cabin lounge after; a chess cafe, an alternative movie outing etc.
When a man is not spending his money on you - he's spending it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

If she has any involvement in a pyramid scheme sales thing. Don't care if it is oils, pampered chef, Mary kay, whatever. I'm immediately out.

[Anonymous]

Gamer, Gambler, Golfer. Hell no to any of these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:cocaine

do you mean that the red flag is girls who cannot pay for their cocaine, or anybody using cocaine generally?

I once dated a girl who used cocaine and it made her super horny, and she was gorgeous, so the cocaine was actually a plus. But we were casual and I honestly can't even recall her name. in a serious relationship, dating a coke head would have its drawbacks regardless of whether the person can pay for it.

I am enjoying these male insights. This is golden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Irrational anger.

+1. Also explosive anger.

Anger is a normal human emotion. Exploding on people and screaming and breaking things is not.

If this happens at any time during the relationship, up to and including the first years of marriage, you are within your rights to leave.

[Anonymous]

Poor communication and no/poor conflict resolution skills.

This comes out over time and when actual conflicts or disagreements happen. Pay attention if they stonewall, sweep things under the rug, deflect, make excuses, “let you handle it”, attack you, etc.

It will never get better. Small things or large things.

[Anonymous]

Ooo good question. For me it was:

1) Inability to talk about things other than work, or always having this as their go-to topic. This is SO common in DC!

2) I (straight woman) preferred to pay my own way. I always made it clear, this is not about you, I'm having a great time, it's the principle of it, it's important to me to be self supporting. Some guys were like, great! Some were wary, but went with it. But everyone once in a while a guy would be insulted/angry. Like I was insulting his manhood? Ohhhh no more dates for you sir.

3) No friends.