College junior dc says he’d like to move back in with us to save money when he starts working. (Assuming he gets a job).

[Anonymous]

It really depends on your kid's personality and social situation. It'll make dating much harder.

[Anonymous]

I would have zero issues letting my kids live with me if they are pulling their own weight. They do chores and have good jobs. I wouldn’t allow unemployed kids who don’t even look for jobs stay with me and play video games all day.

[Anonymous]

I also have a college junior and I expect him to move back in. I'd be surprised if he actually found a job with the way things are now. He's frugal so I know he'll save whatever he makes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on your kid's personality and social situation. It'll make dating much harder.

No, no, no. This is a myth. Staying at parent's home does not make dating harder for adult males. It makes it way easier and more fun.

My DS stayed home and he dated quite a bit. Several things happened when he was home -

- His day to day domestic life was easier and well organized because of me. This gave him peace of mind and time. As a result, he had the time and patience to be more present for his SO. Also, since he was not paying the bills for running the home, he also was saving money and could treat or take care of his GF,

- He had to plan the intimate part of a romantic life because there was less privacy at my house than living alone in an apartment. Which meant that neither he nor the girl had the pressure of having sex in the first few dates. So no crossed signals, no expectations etc. Sex happened when the relationship itself had had time to mature.

- DS and his gf, both went out of their way to get out of the house and do new things and have more adventures together - since they did not want to just hang out at our place. Even when they were trying to save money (and many times ate at home with us), they looked for new ways to explore things outside. I have seen that often men become lazy when they are alone in an apartment and they stop planning evenings or outings - because they are in their comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on your kid's personality and social situation. It'll make dating much harder.

No, no, no. This is a myth. Staying at parent's home does not make dating harder for adult males. It makes it way easier and more fun.

My DS stayed home and he dated quite a bit. Several things happened when he was home -

- His day to day domestic life was easier and well organized because of me. This gave him peace of mind and time. As a result, he had the time and patience to be more present for his SO. Also, since he was not paying the bills for running the home, he also was saving money and could treat or take care of his GF,

- He had to plan the intimate part of a romantic life because there was less privacy at my house than living alone in an apartment. Which meant that neither he nor the girl had the pressure of having sex in the first few dates. So no crossed signals, no expectations etc. Sex happened when the relationship itself had had time to mature.

- DS and his gf, both went out of their way to get out of the house and do new things and have more adventures together - since they did not want to just hang out at our place. Even when they were trying to save money (and many times ate at home with us), they looked for new ways to explore things outside. I have seen that often men become lazy when they are alone in an apartment and they stop planning evenings or outings - because they are in their comfort zone.

First, the fact that you knew when sex first happened with them is something that generally children and parents do not want. Second, once sex happens, most 24 year olds want to be banging all the time. Living with mommy makes that a lot harder. I really doubt that your son’s description of how this arrangement impacted his sex life would be as rosy as yours.

[Anonymous]

We offered this to all our kids - come home, live rent free for a year to make sure job works out and save money. It helped that our downstairs has a separate entrance and bedrooms so that they had their own space. We did expect that in general we knew what they were doing ie I'm going to spend the weekend at "friends place" and don't expect me back until Sun evening or I want be home for dinner tonight.

One kid took full advantage and we ended up telling them that the next month we would be charging rent. One kid moved back for a couple of months and then moved out bc we were cramping his social life. Last kid never moved back but keeps reminding us he knows he has the year in case jobs/apartments don't work out.

[Anonymous]

Our DD may come home after graduation to save money but they have a boyfriend so I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We offered this to all our kids - come home, live rent free for a year to make sure job works out and save money. It helped that our downstairs has a separate entrance and bedrooms so that they had their own space. We did expect that in general we knew what they were doing ie I'm going to spend the weekend at "friends place" and don't expect me back until Sun evening or I want be home for dinner tonight.

One kid took full advantage and we ended up telling them that the next month we would be charging rent. One kid moved back for a couple of months and then moved out bc we were cramping his social life. Last kid never moved back but keeps reminding us he knows he has the year in case jobs/apartments don't work out.

Why just a year if you have a huge house and they save the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd rather help my dc with their rent or whatever than have them move back in.

Nope. It is wasting your DC’s money and your money. I would let my DC save their money, and I would save mine too. I see no value in paying rent to someone else.

I also dislike the idea of making kids pay rent to parents and then the parents presenting that money when kids move out. I find that insulting to the kids maturity. My children are more than able to save their money and invest it. They don’t have to give their rent to me for safekeeping.

Some kids are not able to do that. Despite "parenting". I have one sibling who spends everything as soon as they get it. They are almost 60. The other 2 of us are savers, as we learned growing up. Both of us are higher net worth now (in our 50s) because we got the concept of being fiscally responsible at a younger age and never gave that up. Yet we grew up in same house as the one who was a spender (and who consequently chose a bad spouse who was a worse spender).

in the 20s is still time to teach your kid finances

[Anonymous]

It's a smart plan OP. Allows him a few years to build up equity and savings and not go immediately into debt by "kicking him out and him using his bootstraps" which is an old scam that was created post WWI to break apart families and generational wealth, along with taxes such as death taxes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on your kid's personality and social situation. It'll make dating much harder.

No, no, no. This is a myth. Staying at parent's home does not make dating harder for adult males. It makes it way easier and more fun.

My DS stayed home and he dated quite a bit. Several things happened when he was home -

- His day to day domestic life was easier and well organized because of me. This gave him peace of mind and time. As a result, he had the time and patience to be more present for his SO. Also, since he was not paying the bills for running the home, he also was saving money and could treat or take care of his GF,

- He had to plan the intimate part of a romantic life because there was less privacy at my house than living alone in an apartment. Which meant that neither he nor the girl had the pressure of having sex in the first few dates. So no crossed signals, no expectations etc. Sex happened when the relationship itself had had time to mature.

- DS and his gf, both went out of their way to get out of the house and do new things and have more adventures together - since they did not want to just hang out at our place. Even when they were trying to save money (and many times ate at home with us), they looked for new ways to explore things outside. I have seen that often men become lazy when they are alone in an apartment and they stop planning evenings or outings - because they are in their comfort zone.

You sound insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We offered this to all our kids - come home, live rent free for a year to make sure job works out and save money. It helped that our downstairs has a separate entrance and bedrooms so that they had their own space. We did expect that in general we knew what they were doing ie I'm going to spend the weekend at "friends place" and don't expect me back until Sun evening or I want be home for dinner tonight.

One kid took full advantage and we ended up telling them that the next month we would be charging rent. One kid moved back for a couple of months and then moved out bc we were cramping his social life. Last kid never moved back but keeps reminding us he knows he has the year in case jobs/apartments don't work out.

Why just a year if you have a huge house and they save the money?

+1

My kids are welcome to live at home for as long as they want, as long as they are working and not "wasting money". Not going to let them live at home and sit and play video games or take fancy vacations because they don't have "normal rent" to pay. otherwise, live at home and save over $2K/month in just rent alone. In 2 years that is $50K (plus whatever you earn from investing it). It doesn't cost me more than another $100/month to have them home plus food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Charge him rent and assign chores. When he moves out you can give him that rent money towards a downpayment.

This and set a time limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on your kid's personality and social situation. It'll make dating much harder.

No, no, no. This is a myth. Staying at parent's home does not make dating harder for adult males. It makes it way easier and more fun.

My DS stayed home and he dated quite a bit. Several things happened when he was home -

- His day to day domestic life was easier and well organized because of me. This gave him peace of mind and time. As a result, he had the time and patience to be more present for his SO. Also, since he was not paying the bills for running the home, he also was saving money and could treat or take care of his GF,

- He had to plan the intimate part of a romantic life because there was less privacy at my house than living alone in an apartment. Which meant that neither he nor the girl had the pressure of having sex in the first few dates. So no crossed signals, no expectations etc. Sex happened when the relationship itself had had time to mature.

- DS and his gf, both went out of their way to get out of the house and do new things and have more adventures together - since they did not want to just hang out at our place. Even when they were trying to save money (and many times ate at home with us), they looked for new ways to explore things outside. I have seen that often men become lazy when they are alone in an apartment and they stop planning evenings or outings - because they are in their comfort zone.

You sound insane.

+100. I don’t even know what to say in response. Living at home was a major turn off when I was dating (maybe things have changed) but anything longer than a transition (home from school just getting things lined up) was a major red flag. Sure my now husband livid in a dump when we met but that was so much better than living with his mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on your kid's personality and social situation. It'll make dating much harder.

No, no, no. This is a myth. Staying at parent's home does not make dating harder for adult males. It makes it way easier and more fun.

My DS stayed home and he dated quite a bit. Several things happened when he was home -

- His day to day domestic life was easier and well organized because of me. This gave him peace of mind and time. As a result, he had the time and patience to be more present for his SO. Also, since he was not paying the bills for running the home, he also was saving money and could treat or take care of his GF,

- He had to plan the intimate part of a romantic life because there was less privacy at my house than living alone in an apartment. Which meant that neither he nor the girl had the pressure of having sex in the first few dates. So no crossed signals, no expectations etc. Sex happened when the relationship itself had had time to mature.

- DS and his gf, both went out of their way to get out of the house and do new things and have more adventures together - since they did not want to just hang out at our place. Even when they were trying to save money (and many times ate at home with us), they looked for new ways to explore things outside. I have seen that often men become lazy when they are alone in an apartment and they stop planning evenings or outings - because they are in their comfort zone.

You sound insane.

+100. I don’t even know what to say in response. Living at home was a major turn off when I was dating (maybe things have changed) but anything longer than a transition (home from school just getting things lined up) was a major red flag. Sure my now husband livid in a dump when we met but that was so much better than living with his mom!

If you have a healthy relationship with your adult kids, why can't they live at home? Especially if their SO has their own place.

If our kids were at home the only rule would be, let us know if you are around for dinner (so we can plan) and let us know if you wont be home by 10/11pm or at all (common courtesy) and be quite if you come in later. So basic common courtesy.