College junior dc says he’d like to move back in with us to save money when he starts working. (Assuming he gets a job).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in very high COL city (not DMV)

Thoughts?

Well, depends on the individual kid. If he is a good team player who pitches in, cares about others and would work hard to become independent, it may work. If he is lazy, moody and rude, not a good idea. Imho, its rarely a good idea to let other adults move in with you, even if they are your own kids. If he was sick or injured etc, that would be different but not worth to risk your relationship just to save some money. He can share an apartment with roommates. You can buy him an apartment and let him live rent free until he is able to pay rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In most places in the world this would be totally normal and the parents thinking it's not a good idea would be considered monsters. Something to consider

In those places, adult kids also let parents move in and take care of them in old age. Its not a one way street.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing you are white family.

[Anonymous]

I came from a culture where its common place but mostly because of economics and enmeshed culture and often ends up straining or ruining relationships.

[Anonymous]

Presuming the kid was indeed saving, being forward-thinking, and was a respectful household member, I would do it in a heartbeat.

My DD is living with a family member right now. They live near her work, have the space, she is good company, and helps around the house. We insisted they accept a modest token rent from her that still allows her to save a great deal and gives them some extra "fun money"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In most places in the world this would be totally normal and the parents thinking it's not a good idea would be considered monsters. Something to consider

In those places, adult kids also let parents move in and take care of them in old age. Its not a one way street.

Well that sounds pretty great.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a smart, practical kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed at my Adult Children if they don't save their money and not stay with us, if they are working close by. If they get a job in another city, well, then they need to make it work. We will help in all ways.

When my DD wanted to get married, I made sure that she stayed with us for two years and save money. I did not want her to get married without a good nest egg accumulated. If you have two years of salary saved - you have options in life.

I'd be pissed at my adult parent for living in a big house after I moved out, instead of downsizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd allow it. Charge a nominal rent, save it and give it to him as a down payment/security deposit for when he moves out on his own.

But what about chores? I feel like he’d revert to being a pig when he lives with me, although I know he’s fairly clean with his regular roommates at school

Sounds like poor parenting then. If he's paying rent and being treated like a renter, he should be cleaning up after himself. He can do his own laundry, dishes, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a good idea sssumijg he can respect house rules. My nephew did this in the dmv and was able to save up enough money over a couple of years that he then had the deposit for his townhome.
It’s sort of silly to force young people to pay overpriced rent when their parents have lots of space.
It’s worth talking about things like whether he should pay rent (or put it in a down payment fund), help with chores and cooking etc. you don’t want it just to be a failure to launch situation where he spends all his money on trips to Vegas or whatever nonsense.

Op I agree with this. I’d want my dc to pay rent. He hasn’t been great about helping out when he’s at home (although he does his own laundry) so I’d want him to also pay for an extra cleaning at our place every month. I am too busy to pick up after him.

That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have told my kids that they are allowed to stay with us rent-free (and board free) until they are 35. After that, we will have some room-mate kind of division of labor and cost sharing.

This also holds true for married children.

35????

NFW

+1 too long

If they are in grad school, I'd say 28. Just undergrad, I'd say 26.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% allow this and force the savings by having him pay us rent, which we would put into a high yield savings account in his name. Then he gets the practice in paying rent/mortgage while also building up a nest egg to spend on, presumably, a down payment on something when he moved out. This seems like a great way to create some financial stability early on.

But I really like my kids, and we've worked hard to create relationships that will function well when they are adults, with mutual respect and plenty of independence. We'd feel comfortable talking about rules and boundaries in this situation (like we wouldn't be interested in hosting a lot of his friend hangouts, and we'd have rules around chores and the purchase of food and other expenses). I don't know that all families would be able to navigate that. I know this arrangement would never have worked with my own parents, for instance. So it just depends.

[Anonymous]

Unless my kid was dealing with serious mental health issues or something, I would not want them moving back in with me. And I have set that expectation.

I will gladly help them out monetarily instead. I like my space and my quiet, not cleaning up after or cooking for others, and generally not having my kids in my business or I too much in theirs. My rules for them if they lived with me would be too onerous for them because they would be for my own comfort and mental health.

[Anonymous]

I'd offer to pay the first 3 months of rent, with a reduction in help for the next 3 months until they get to fully launched. We want to help them get started and host Sunday dinners but living together would not be a peaceful situation for us as we like our peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Are you planning to move between now and his graduation? If not, I don't see why this is a problem. It's hard enough to get a job these days for new college grads. Giving them a place to live for awhile seems reasonable while they get things going. Its one of the main reasons why DH and I stay here despite having jobs that could be found in lower COL areas. Both of us are from this area and really appreciated having a home base in an area that offered a good job market. Once our kids are established, we will likely retire to a lower COL area (closer to our parents so we can help them) but until then, I want to give them a solid place to start their post-college lives, if they choose to stay around here.