Choosing public when you can afford private

[Anonymous]

On the topic of safety, I’m curious why this topic was shut down so quickly by one of the PPs here, in response to another PP saying shootings motivated her friend to choose private.

I’m all for going to a local public to save money and build community.

But we KNOW that school shootings are far more likely to happen at a public school (9-10x as likely, per the Cato Institute and Washington Post’s latest reporting). In the last few years, Bethesda Today magazine has regularly reported (weekly!) allegations of unsafe classrooms, bomb threats, and lockdowns. This must do a real number on kids’ and parents’ mental health. And it’s getting worse, not better, nationally.

Can someone explain why this isn’t a valid case for private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing this may trigger some, but genuinely wishing to understand this to help my DH and I make a decision for our kids to be happy, well educated, safe.

Are there any families who could have afforded to send their kids to private school but sent them to public anyway? If so, what was your rationale? Which schools did your kids attend, and were you and your kids happy with the experience?

There seemed to be many people on this site who feel that “if you can afford to go private, go private.”

But I’m sure that impression misses a lot of nuance.

Many of my neighbors and their kids to private, despite our being in a great (or used to be great) school district in MCPS.
They often cite ballooning class sizes, but I’m sure there’s more to it.

TIA

The accusative form of “I” is “me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the topic of safety, I’m curious why this topic was shut down so quickly by one of the PPs here, in response to another PP saying shootings motivated her friend to choose private.

I’m all for going to a local public to save money and build community.

But we KNOW that school shootings are far more likely to happen at a public school (9-10x as likely, per the Cato Institute and Washington Post’s latest reporting). In the last few years, Bethesda Today magazine has regularly reported (weekly!) allegations of unsafe classrooms, bomb threats, and lockdowns. This must do a real number on kids’ and parents’ mental health. And it’s getting worse, not better, nationally.

Can someone explain why this isn’t a valid case for private?

NP. "Valid" for some parents maybe, but I don't find it persuasive. School shootings are incredibly rare at any kind of school, bomb threats are almost universally hoaxes, and lockdowns are mostly the unnecessary result of hyper vigilance, rather than an actual safety issue. The real dangers in a K-12 classroom are things like bullying which you'll find at both kinds of schools.

[Anonymous]

Yes, 100%, but we are zoned for a top cluster in MCPS. Reasons it made sense for us: (1) my kid is gifted particularly in math, and private school math curriculum is generally regarded as very weak compared to MCPS; (2) kid is not a “fall through the cracks” kind of kid; assertive, no issues whatsoever in a class of 20 - 23 kids; and (3) we value having my kids attend school and build relationships with children in our immediate neighborhood (easier to arrange play dates and activities outside of school, or heck, even just turn my kids out onto our (very quiet, dead end) street and they have immediate friends to play with, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

+1

This is us. Like it or not, MCPS still has one of the best school systems in the country. Fight me. The ROI for private school is not really worth it. Although UMD is not UVA caliber, it is still a top university.

We are where we are financially because we make smart financial choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the topic of safety, I’m curious why this topic was shut down so quickly by one of the PPs here, in response to another PP saying shootings motivated her friend to choose private.

I’m all for going to a local public to save money and build community.

But we KNOW that school shootings are far more likely to happen at a public school (9-10x as likely, per the Cato Institute and Washington Post’s latest reporting). In the last few years, Bethesda Today magazine has regularly reported (weekly!) allegations of unsafe classrooms, bomb threats, and lockdowns. This must do a real number on kids’ and parents’ mental health. And it’s getting worse, not better, nationally.

Can someone explain why this isn’t a valid case for private?

Perhaps the families of the dead kids from the Annunciation Catholic School in Minneapolis or the Covenant School in Nashville who were killed at school in 2025 could explain it to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We could afford private but chose to send our kids to public because we believe in public education and the whole system collapses if more affluent parents who can donate their time and money to the PTSA, advocate for improvements, hod leaders accountable, etc. opt for private. Public education is a public good, but it only works as it should if we all invest in it (and I don't just mean by paying taxes).

How noble of you to sacrifice your children’s education for your political activism!

My kids are getting a good education in public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We could afford private but chose to send our kids to public because we believe in public education and the whole system collapses if more affluent parents who can donate their time and money to the PTSA, advocate for improvements, hod leaders accountable, etc. opt for private. Public education is a public good, but it only works as it should if we all invest in it (and I don't just mean by paying taxes).

*hold

You do understand that this is all via wealthy schools which will be just fine without yoru money and will not collapse.

That’s not true. Plenty of parents in the DCC send their kids to private from elementary school on. Lots of schools with low income populations that would benefit from having more of a mix of lower and higher income families.

[Anonymous]

I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

Well aren't you smug.

Too bad your kids are so screwed up that they can't handle a good public school system and have to have their hands held in a private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

Well aren't you smug.

Too bad your kids are so screwed up that they can't handle a good public school system and have to have their hands held in a private.

NP here. Maybe PP is smug, but you are clearly tightly wound.

That said, I thought I would chime in as I had one who did MCPS through middle school and one who did private all the way through.

The older one moved to private in 9th grade. He was well prepared in math, but sorely unprepared for English/writing. We all know that MCPS does a terrible job preparing our kids as writers and they suffer in college. Luckily we moved him to a private school that helped him become an excellent writer. He went to his dream college.

Younger one is in HS now, but she did private all the way through. First a small Catholic parochial and then an elite all girls HS. She is thriving. Luckily during covid, her middle school opened in September of 2020 and never closed. She didn't miss a beat. Her high school has very small classes (15-20 students) and keeps APs away from students until junior year. This keeps the stress level/competition down until they are more mature. She took many honors classes in the meantime, but by the time she graduates, she will have taken only 6 AP classes. This will still make her eligible for a T20 school as many who do the same curriculum matriculate to ivies and T20 schools. My older one had a similar experience (took 6 APs and got into a T20).

DD just learned she is in Cum Laude Society (private school version of NHS, but more selective). Cum Laude means top 10% of class. For my daughter's school, that's about 10 girls. Very exclusive and she will stand out on her college apps.

All in all, having experienced both MCPS and private schools, if I had to do it over again, I would have never enrolled my kids in MCPS. But we can easily afford private school now. That wasn't the case when my older son was in elementary school, which is why we did MCPS initially. So we didn't break the bank...we did what we could afford. Luckily MCPS was a bit better when my son attended...it has deteriorated since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

Well aren't you smug.

Too bad your kids are so screwed up that they can't handle a good public school system and have to have their hands held in a private.

NP here. Maybe PP is smug, but you are clearly tightly wound.

That said, I thought I would chime in as I had one who did MCPS through middle school and one who did private all the way through.

The older one moved to private in 9th grade. He was well prepared in math, but sorely unprepared for English/writing. We all know that MCPS does a terrible job preparing our kids as writers and they suffer in college. Luckily we moved him to a private school that helped him become an excellent writer. He went to his dream college.

Younger one is in HS now, but she did private all the way through. First a small Catholic parochial and then an elite all girls HS. She is thriving. Luckily during covid, her middle school opened in September of 2020 and never closed. She didn't miss a beat. Her high school has very small classes (15-20 students) and keeps APs away from students until junior year. This keeps the stress level/competition down until they are more mature. She took many honors classes in the meantime, but by the time she graduates, she will have taken only 6 AP classes. This will still make her eligible for a T20 school as many who do the same curriculum matriculate to ivies and T20 schools. My older one had a similar experience (took 6 APs and got into a T20).

DD just learned she is in Cum Laude Society (private school version of NHS, but more selective). Cum Laude means top 10% of class. For my daughter's school, that's about 10 girls. Very exclusive and she will stand out on her college apps.

All in all, having experienced both MCPS and private schools, if I had to do it over again, I would have never enrolled my kids in MCPS. But we can easily afford private school now. That wasn't the case when my older son was in elementary school, which is why we did MCPS initially. So we didn't break the bank...we did what we could afford. Luckily MCPS was a bit better when my son attended...it has deteriorated since then.

Yea, you're the one blathering on and on on another thread about this society which is so "exclusive" that it has chapters in Ohio, Tennessee and New Jersey public high schools and a bunch of little Christian privates who nobody's ever heard of. So good for you.

We don't "all" think that writing skills aren't adequately taught at MCPS either. You don't speak for "all" of us.

And plenty of kids are getting into top colleges from MCPS without throwing their money away on privates and thinking they're better than everybody else.

Again, if your kids need their hands held that much it's not the school system's fault. Some kids are just of hardier stock than others. Maybe it's the parenting. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

Well aren't you smug.

Too bad your kids are so screwed up that they can't handle a good public school system and have to have their hands held in a private.

NP here. Maybe PP is smug, but you are clearly tightly wound.

That said, I thought I would chime in as I had one who did MCPS through middle school and one who did private all the way through.

The older one moved to private in 9th grade. He was well prepared in math, but sorely unprepared for English/writing. We all know that MCPS does a terrible job preparing our kids as writers and they suffer in college. Luckily we moved him to a private school that helped him become an excellent writer. He went to his dream college.

Younger one is in HS now, but she did private all the way through. First a small Catholic parochial and then an elite all girls HS. She is thriving. Luckily during covid, her middle school opened in September of 2020 and never closed. She didn't miss a beat. Her high school has very small classes (15-20 students) and keeps APs away from students until junior year. This keeps the stress level/competition down until they are more mature. She took many honors classes in the meantime, but by the time she graduates, she will have taken only 6 AP classes. This will still make her eligible for a T20 school as many who do the same curriculum matriculate to ivies and T20 schools. My older one had a similar experience (took 6 APs and got into a T20).

DD just learned she is in Cum Laude Society (private school version of NHS, but more selective). Cum Laude means top 10% of class. For my daughter's school, that's about 10 girls. Very exclusive and she will stand out on her college apps.

All in all, having experienced both MCPS and private schools, if I had to do it over again, I would have never enrolled my kids in MCPS. But we can easily afford private school now. That wasn't the case when my older son was in elementary school, which is why we did MCPS initially. So we didn't break the bank...we did what we could afford. Luckily MCPS was a bit better when my son attended...it has deteriorated since then.

Yea, you're the one blathering on and on on another thread about this society which is so "exclusive" that it has chapters in Ohio, Tennessee and New Jersey public high schools and a bunch of little Christian privates who nobody's ever heard of. So good for you.

We don't "all" think that writing skills aren't adequately taught at MCPS either. You don't speak for "all" of us.

And plenty of kids are getting into top colleges from MCPS without throwing their money away on privates and thinking they're better than everybody else.

Again, if your kids need their hands held that much it's not the school system's fault. Some kids are just of hardier stock than others. Maybe it's the parenting. Who knows.

LOL well aren't we triggered this morning!! That didn't take long!

[Anonymous]

My kids have attended a top public school before and after Covid. After Covid it dropped significantly in terms of student behavior, academics and general climate. We moved them to private and couldn’t be happier. It’s a shame to see what’s happening to our public schools though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

Well aren't you smug.

Too bad your kids are so screwed up that they can't handle a good public school system and have to have their hands held in a private.

NP here. Maybe PP is smug, but you are clearly tightly wound.

That said, I thought I would chime in as I had one who did MCPS through middle school and one who did private all the way through.

The older one moved to private in 9th grade. He was well prepared in math, but sorely unprepared for English/writing. We all know that MCPS does a terrible job preparing our kids as writers and they suffer in college. Luckily we moved him to a private school that helped him become an excellent writer. He went to his dream college.

Younger one is in HS now, but she did private all the way through. First a small Catholic parochial and then an elite all girls HS. She is thriving. Luckily during covid, her middle school opened in September of 2020 and never closed. She didn't miss a beat. Her high school has very small classes (15-20 students) and keeps APs away from students until junior year. This keeps the stress level/competition down until they are more mature. She took many honors classes in the meantime, but by the time she graduates, she will have taken only 6 AP classes. This will still make her eligible for a T20 school as many who do the same curriculum matriculate to ivies and T20 schools. My older one had a similar experience (took 6 APs and got into a T20).

DD just learned she is in Cum Laude Society (private school version of NHS, but more selective). Cum Laude means top 10% of class. For my daughter's school, that's about 10 girls. Very exclusive and she will stand out on her college apps.

All in all, having experienced both MCPS and private schools, if I had to do it over again, I would have never enrolled my kids in MCPS. But we can easily afford private school now. That wasn't the case when my older son was in elementary school, which is why we did MCPS initially. So we didn't break the bank...we did what we could afford. Luckily MCPS was a bit better when my son attended...it has deteriorated since then.

Yea, you're the one blathering on and on on another thread about this society which is so "exclusive" that it has chapters in Ohio, Tennessee and New Jersey public high schools and a bunch of little Christian privates who nobody's ever heard of. So good for you.

We don't "all" think that writing skills aren't adequately taught at MCPS either. You don't speak for "all" of us.

And plenty of kids are getting into top colleges from MCPS without throwing their money away on privates and thinking they're better than everybody else.

Again, if your kids need their hands held that much it's not the school system's fault. Some kids are just of hardier stock than others. Maybe it's the parenting. Who knows.

LOL well aren't we triggered this morning!! That didn't take long!

Yeah, well, there's nothing worse than somebody new to money.

You said "we can easily afford private school now. That wasn't the case when my older son was in elementary school, which is why we did MCPS initially."

In other words, you chose public because you couldn't afford private so you don't belong on this thread at all in the first place. OP asked for the thoughts of folks who chose public when they COULD afford private.