Choosing public when you can afford private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Afford” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. The middle class can technically pay for a lot of things that they maybe shouldn’t. What to buy when is very important for long- term financial wealth building.

We moved to Bethesda for a shorter work commute and because we heard that Bethesda Elementary took good care of its special needs population. This was important to us since our oldest has special needs and we wanted to avoid paying for an SN private if possible.

Turns out MCPS was wonderful for our oldest. They gave him an IEP and offered services and accommodations that we hadn’t even asked for, all included with our taxes. We could afford tutoring, enrichment and extracurriculars outside of school as well.

Our other kids are taking advanced courses in MCPS. One is particularly accelerated, taking AP Calc BC and AP Physics C in 10th grade. Her school offers that flexibility and allows math courses at UMD for 12th grade.

And during this time, we invested our money in the stock market.

Now we pay for a 90k a year uni for our oldest and can afford any education, graduate school, house down payment, etc, for our children. Our retirement is taken care of.

Because we made our money work for us all these MCPS years.

The bottom line is that you can’t be impulsive about this. Financial considerations are more complex than you might think.

Living in bounds for that ES is crazy expensive though. This is a great example where sure, but they also moved to be in bounds for an affluent public school. So it’s kind of potato potahto. And I know, they can sell the house and it will still have the premium if the policies havent changed. But you still need the funds to make the move in the first place.

PP you replied to. We bought in 2010 with a large downpayment after 10 years of belt-tightening. We thought prices were crazy then as well, given our limited income at the time. But it was worth it for a 15 minute bike commute, and MCPS SN support for our oldest.

You touch on an extremely important point: on a limited income, we preferred getting something more than a good education and commute for our money. Real estate in good school districts is a valuable investment. If we had stayed in our previous (less stable) neighborhood, we would never have sent our oldest to the (pretty bad) public school, our home would not have appreciated as much and the money we'd have spent on private school would be consumed - not retrievable in any way - unlike making a real estate investment that appreciates over time.

So it's not at all potato potahto, actually. I think that on a financial as well as on the educational front, we made the right choice. This is why prices keep rising in such districts (apart from recessions), because a lot of people have a similar thought process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can just look at the demographics and see that a large percentage of families at the most affluent public schools could have afforded private.

In fact, many of them spent more than the cost of private school on housing mainly to access those affluent public schools. There are other good reasons to live in a nice neighborhood of course. But anywhere in the dmv you can find similar amenities, housing stock and commute for less because of less affluent public schools.

Yeah I find OP question / wording kind of strange honestly.

We are in Bethesda and our public ES is a short walk away, we have lots of friends and classmates in the neighborhood, great parent community etc. We never considered anything else. It's been a great fit so far.

[Anonymous]

We could afford private, at least some privates, but it would be a stretch. We have one child who was counseled out of private preschool in the middle of being diagnosed with severe ADHD, they were not interested in working with us at all ( child was simply hyper, on preschool, no aggression or anything like that, but they could find some one else “easier” and preferred to do that). So we said never again. Same child is now doing very well after diagnosis, medication and maturity and has been identified as profoundly gifted. We were also told that short of a Sidwell friends type private, they would be better challenged in public. Based on what we’ve seen from neighbors attending a local “fine” private that very much seems to be the case.

I will say one other child seems to have an incredibly difficult cohort of students, with multiple students with major behavioral problems (each year it seems like there is one per class). If we did private it would be to try to get this child out of this specific cohort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

DP, but please explain how it makes no sense for college?

[Anonymous]

We used private when DS needed tiny class sizes to help with sound sensitivities, anxiety around unknown people, and a small school that could keep a close eye on him to help prevent work avoidance and anxiety spirals.

When we moved past that, we went public because it was far better equipped to handle the academic advancement he was ready for.

We will re-evaluate for high school, but have been happy so far with public elementary, so why pay $30k/year for 4th grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

What makes you think the PP isn't happily paying for grad school after UVA (which is a decent college), and helping with downpayments on houses, and won't help his grandchildren, or whatever is needed?

You need to understand that building generational wealth is mostly about avoiding certain kinds of debt and certain tax threshholds, and leveraging other kinds of debt to keep investing one's money. In that context, choosing to pay 40K instead of 90K for about the same education makes perfect sense.

And I say this, while paying 65K a year for my kid's private college, because he receives 20K in merit aid every year. I would have been a little put out if I had to pay full freight.

[Anonymous]

Just stop Maga or Moms4liberty garbage.

Public schools are safe.
Public schools teach math and science significantly better than any private school. Heads and tails betters.
Public schools are real life
Your job as a parent is to educate your children with the best education possible. Private is rarely that.

[Anonymous]

I would avoid the "safe" rhetoric around public school parents, which I am one of. Someone said to me earlier this year that they send their kid to a private elementary "because private schools don't have school shootings." I almost punched them. What idiocy.

If your kid is smart, socially active, and involved, a good public school is an excellent choice. Our kid is thriving there, and as someone who attended private, it was VERY important to me not to immerse them in a world of total privilege and elitism in their formative years.

What's your "good" school district? Like, QO or Blair? Or Whitman or Churchill? They're different, pros and cons to each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The private we could afford and fit our family’s values is a big commute due to traffic. Oldest kid did it for 3 years in MS and it got a little better once they started taking the metro. They eventually chose to go public because they got into an interest based program that fits their passion. Now they have a ton of time to get things done because they’re spending 20 minutes total on a bus versus 90-120 minutes in a car or on the metro.

Our public is much more diverse and there are so many more clubs and school activities.

The downside is larger classes and a few really bad teachers. Publics also don’t have equitable resources such as textbooks even within the same school and course.

This. I don't know where in MCPS OP is in, but there are certainly many schools that have so many different types of programs. IMO, this is one of the things that makes MCPS standout (which is why I am against getting rid of the county wide magnet, but that's for another thread).

I think also socially, larger publics is better because if you fall out of one social group, it's a lot easier to find another group. My DC has had to do that a few times between 4th and even now, senior year. If DD was at a small private, which we thought about during covid, I think she would've really struggled socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would avoid the "safe" rhetoric around public school parents, which I am one of. Someone said to me earlier this year that they send their kid to a private elementary "because private schools don't have school shootings." I almost punched them. What idiocy.

If your kid is smart, socially active, and involved, a good public school is an excellent choice. Our kid is thriving there, and as someone who attended private, it was VERY important to me not to immerse them in a world of total privilege and elitism in their formative years.

What's your "good" school district? Like, QO or Blair? Or Whitman or Churchill? They're different, pros and cons to each.

"what idiocy" is 100% correct.
People who say things like that are complete idiots I just walk away. I will avoid them at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

It's no different than buying a Honda instead of a Mercedes. In the end, they both get you to the same place. It's not selfish at all. It's smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

Maybe they are planning to leave a ton to their kids, pay for a house, a wedding? Maybe they realize that a NYU education is no better than a UVA education (and I don't live in VA). That doesn't seem selfish to me.

[Anonymous]

The wealth of my kids public school friends is enormous. BMWs for kids first cars, incredible vacations, 2 -5 million dollar homes and prestigious jobs. Same as my private school kid. Obviously there is more diversity in all ways in public. And from what I can tell private schools are a mix of kids whose parents were worried their kids couldnt make it in a "big scary public school" (read they have LDs, emotional / social issues etc) (this is us) and of course those who love the extra prestige and hopes for Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The private we could afford and fit our family’s values is a big commute due to traffic. Oldest kid did it for 3 years in MS and it got a little better once they started taking the metro. They eventually chose to go public because they got into an interest based program that fits their passion. Now they have a ton of time to get things done because they’re spending 20 minutes total on a bus versus 90-120 minutes in a car or on the metro.

Our public is much more diverse and there are so many more clubs and school activities.

The downside is larger classes and a few really bad teachers. Publics also don’t have equitable resources such as textbooks even within the same school and course.

This. I don't know where in MCPS OP is in, but there are certainly many schools that have so many different types of programs. IMO, this is one of the things that makes MCPS standout (which is why I am against getting rid of the county wide magnet, but that's for another thread).

I think also socially, larger publics is better because if you fall out of one social group, it's a lot easier to find another group. My DC has had to do that a few times between 4th and even now, senior year. If DD was at a small private, which we thought about during covid, I think she would've really struggled socially.

Our private can't hold on to teachers like public can and there are some really bad teachers mixed in with the good ones.