Choosing public when you can afford private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing this may trigger some, but genuinely wishing to understand this to help my DH and I make a decision for our kids to be happy, well educated, safe.

Are there any families who could have afforded to send their kids to private school but sent them to public anyway? If so, what was your rationale? Which schools did your kids attend, and were you and your kids happy with the experience?

There seemed to be many people on this site who feel that “if you can afford to go private, go private.”

But I’m sure that impression misses a lot of nuance.

Many of my neighbors and their kids to private, despite our being in a great (or used to be great) school district in MCPS.
They often cite ballooning class sizes, but I’m sure there’s more to it.

TIA

We can afford it but we are misers. Hope that helps

[Anonymous]

No matter what I'm going to complain and have issues with the school. That's the just the way with group education. So I might as well get mad for free rather than pay $50k and still be mad

[Anonymous]

Some of the MCPS magnet programs are far more academically rigorous than DC area privates, and they're free of charge. SO there's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The private we could afford and fit our family’s values is a big commute due to traffic. Oldest kid did it for 3 years in MS and it got a little better once they started taking the metro. They eventually chose to go public because they got into an interest based program that fits their passion. Now they have a ton of time to get things done because they’re spending 20 minutes total on a bus versus 90-120 minutes in a car or on the metro.

Our public is much more diverse and there are so many more clubs and school activities.

The downside is larger classes and a few really bad teachers. Publics also don’t have equitable resources such as textbooks even within the same school and course.

This. I don't know where in MCPS OP is in, but there are certainly many schools that have so many different types of programs. IMO, this is one of the things that makes MCPS standout (which is why I am against getting rid of the county wide magnet, but that's for another thread).

I think also socially, larger publics is better because if you fall out of one social group, it's a lot easier to find another group. My DC has had to do that a few times between 4th and even now, senior year. If DD was at a small private, which we thought about during covid, I think she would've really struggled socially.

Our private can't hold on to teachers like public can and there are some really bad teachers mixed in with the good ones.

Public has the same mix of good and bad teachers but they are paid more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing this may trigger some, but genuinely wishing to understand this to help my DH and I make a decision for our kids to be happy, well educated, safe.

Are there any families who could have afforded to send their kids to private school but sent them to public anyway? If so, what was your rationale? Which schools did your kids attend, and were you and your kids happy with the experience?

There seemed to be many people on this site who feel that “if you can afford to go private, go private.”

But I’m sure that impression misses a lot of nuance.

Many of my neighbors and their kids to private, despite our being in a great (or used to be great) school district in MCPS.
They often cite ballooning class sizes, but I’m sure there’s more to it.

TIA

Of course there is. many ppl who send their kids to private schools do so bc they want their kids to be around other private school kids…historically, a lot of that had to do w race/ethnicity (many private schools started out as segregation academies), socioeconomic status (they want their kids primarily hanging out w other wealthy or UMC kids and well to do, connected families), being part of an exclusive group (similar to a country club). It’s less about the quality of education and more about status and connections and perceived comfort/safety.

Stronger teachers usually work at public schools. Public schools often have more resources for students w special needs or different educational needs. Public schools typically have more choices for academics and extracurriculars. But private schools are typically smaller class sizes and therefore may be a more relaxed environment which is good for some kids.

[Anonymous]

We moved to Bethesda when both our kids were entering 3rd grade. My DD was at Bradley Hills and my DS was placed at Norwood. We did this because we thought a smaller classroom would benefit him and he'd not get "lost" or over looked as he had done in a very large public school in CA.

What happened in short, was he was not happy at the private at all, the teaching was sub par and the curriculum seemed wildly out of date. By comparison our DD was thriving at BH and we could see she was learning much more than our DS. We swapped him out within a matter of months and he really was much happier at the public school and did well there. They were in Bethesda public schools 3rd - the middle of 10th grade and then we moved again.

Fast forward to this year when they both just graduated from HS. They graduated in the top 10 kids of their pubic school class and are each going to their #1 top 10 choice of college.

Public school all the way through from 3rd.

[Anonymous]

We have plenty of money but went public. Our kids are not academic superstars so that knocked out any of the more "elite" local privates. Then there are the "rest" of the privates but those do not seem worth the money compared to our public. Maybe, just maybe, we should have put them in private for the social aspect but we were not really up for that social rat race. That is my only potential regret is that given $$ was not the issue, should we have put them in private schools for the peer group? Probably not given our own sensibilities - we have stealth wealth - and don't think the private school crowd is what we or our kids were looking for.

Both kids went on to perfectly fine private colleges so we spent the $$ there. In fact, our kids go to college with others in our area who went to the local private schools so in terms of college placement, there was no difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

I am this poster. Please explain how the colleges that I have listed -- and a whole host of other privates -- are materially better and have materially better outcomes than the University of Virginia.

And you're wrong that I can't die with the money I saved. Actually I can, and when I do that money will go to those same kids and they'll be far better off than had I thrown so much money away meaninglessly on private school tuition. Many of you aren't yet in a position to have the benefit of hindsight, but when you are you will see that down the road the specific college that your kid attends makes little different on your professional, personal, or financial success. But what you spend and not save when your family is younger sure does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have many friends in their Bethesda public schools that could easily afford private, but stay public because they like having their kid in a community school with friends nearby. I’m sure if any of these kids were struggling in public then they’d pull them out, but they all seem very happy with their kids in public and see no need to spend the extra $ on private.

This is also our situation. Being a part of a community in your neighborhood school that transitions to pool, scouts, sports teams etc is immeasurable....even as we moved into high school and were recruited to play sports at some privates we stayed public. So many amazing things about public school. IMO I think many private school kids are missing out on learning how to deal with the world in the bubble of private school however I also believe that they may very well stay in that bubble their entire lives and not even realize it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean "are they any???" The DMV is full of public school families who could easily afford private and chose not to. Especially in a county like Montgomery.

I was a Big Law partner making close to seven figures years ago and we never even considered private. It made zero financial, educational, or social sense to do it. I was convinced then and continue to believe now that many go the private school route solely because of peer pressure or guilt.

We took the same approach with college. Had our kids gotten into Harvard or Yale, say, then yeah we would have probably paid for that. But that was never in the cards -- as it isn't for the vast majority, even the top private school kids -- and we weren't about to pay for a kid to go to an NYU, a Northeastern, or a WashU when we had in state UVA.

Needlessly throwing away hundreds of thousands of dollars on schooling just to keep up with the Joneses was one game we were never interested in playing, and we have no regrets.

This makes no sense for college if you are making that kind of money. That's selfish. You cannot die with the money so you're just spending it on what?

I am this poster. Please explain how the colleges that I have listed -- and a whole host of other privates -- are materially better and have materially better outcomes than the University of Virginia.

And you're wrong that I can't die with the money I saved. Actually I can, and when I do that money will go to those same kids and they'll be far better off than had I thrown so much money away meaninglessly on private school tuition. Many of you aren't yet in a position to have the benefit of hindsight, but when you are you will see that down the road the specific college that your kid attends makes little different on your professional, personal, or financial success. But what you spend and not save when your family is younger sure does.

100% agree — I’m into my career far enough to see this even if my kids are not yet in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me public schools are far better at accommodating outlier students, unless the private is specifically for that purpose. Kids with IEPs, gifted kids, etc all tend to be better served in a larger public school, in part because there are simply far more course offerings and specialized programs.

There are private schools dedicated to IEPs.

Gifted private schools too, but not so many.

There are cheper private schools and expensive private schools, roughly correlates to how well they serve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No matter what I'm going to complain and have issues with the school. That's the just the way with group education. So I might as well get mad for free rather than pay $50k and still be mad

+1 And that way I have sufficient funds for enrichment activities (sports, math, music, foreign language etc.) If i was paying 55K/year, i wouldn't be able to do all of what we do now.

[Anonymous]

Private school is worth the cost, generally,, all else equal.

What's not worth it, for many, is giving up the $20K/yr or more of free public education.

This is why Libertarian types don't like the restrictive nature of free public options, and advocate for vouchers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No matter what I'm going to complain and have issues with the school. That's the just the way with group education. So I might as well get mad for free rather than pay $50k and still be mad

Very refreshing take, and true for many people. Glad you have that much insight into your inner workings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have many friends in their Bethesda public schools that could easily afford private, but stay public because they like having their kid in a community school with friends nearby. I’m sure if any of these kids were struggling in public then they’d pull them out, but they all seem very happy with their kids in public and see no need to spend the extra $ on private.

This is also our situation. Being a part of a community in your neighborhood school that transitions to pool, scouts, sports teams etc is immeasurable....even as we moved into high school and were recruited to play sports at some privates we stayed public. So many amazing things about public school. IMO I think many private school kids are missing out on learning how to deal with the world in the bubble of private school however I also believe that they may very well stay in that bubble their entire lives and not even realize it anyway.

Your kids are missing out on working on an an African cocoa plantation or a Bangladeshi textile factory. They may very well stay in that bubble their entire lives and not even realize it anyway.