Choosing public when you can afford private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that OP is looking for an argument to stay public if you can afford private and this is on a public school forum, however, we did not have a good experience with MCPS and it is not a universally awesome option. You have to know your child.

We moved to Bethesda because we believed what we were told: the BEST schools. That was not our experience at all. Kids stayed in public through ES, but moved to private for MS and HS. For our kids, public was a disaster and private was excellent. Of course it’s possible for a kid to get a great education/have a great experience in mcps, but the opposite is also true. We chose to forgo elaborate bar mitzvahs, big ticket vacations, and expensive summer camp for our kids so they could continue at private and that’s a choice our family feels good about.

We have friends who stayed. Some of their kids have had what appears to be a fantastic experience at mcps, but others very clearly have not. What’s interesting to me is that those who have not, twist themselves into knots trying to justify why they stayed.

I’m usually mostly interested and humored by those twisting themselves in knots trying to justify why they are paying so much for private or in what ways it’s better that justify the increased cost.

I honestly think if people paid more taxes to the tune of half the cost of private school kids public schools would be even better and no one would bat an eye.

Having done both, the main difference of private is that it’s a selected group of students and families. Based upon that and the cost it should be worlds better but often isn’t. The marketing is awesome though.

I’m the PP you are responding to. One of the big upsides for private was accountability, communication, and independence to change course if something isn’t working for the community. Both kids were in private when Covid hit and we were so impressed with how our kids’ schools handled that really challenging time.

Their day to day experience is very different (better) than what their day to day would look like in the schools we are zoned for. For us, private is the best choice even if by strictly financial or ROI arguments suggest otherwise. I’m not twisting myself into a knot defending our decision because it’s the very clear best option for our family. Your kid might be doing great at your zones HS and that’s awesome. Ours wasn’t going to work.

Private isn’t right for all. Some are pretty terrible. Some are awesome. Kids are different. Families prioritize different things. The families that I mentioned who try to rationalize their decision to stay public are very vocal about how much they loathe mcps. They are people who also opted to join a CC or routinely go on lavish vacations so I know private is within their means. They’ve just made different decisions for their family.

I am not sure exactly what you are thinking of but I’m a PP who could afford private if we had to. But my oldest in particular is a twice exceptional, profoundly gifted but SN child. We literally cannot identify a private that anyone thinks would be a good fit for them. I may not go into detail about how brilliant my kid is when talking to you but the reason I am so frustrated with some of the boneheaded decisions MCPS made (especially during the pandemic, god!!) is there really isn’t a great alternative for my child in the DMV. It’s not always about $.

We may eventually move our other child to a private. There are options that might be able to work for them, with just the regular downsides of private.

I completely hear you on the SN factor. That is the third category of our friends—they complain but stay because it’s the best option. I 100% get that. I am a PT and work with a lot of families in this boat.

[Anonymous]

My kids were in private but we left and went public. No regrets. There are trade offs but there is no school in the area that meets their needs. Private schools are small by design and that feature comes with many considerations that parents don’t think about. The social dynamics can be stifling in a small school. The academic options can also be limited in a small school.

[Anonymous]

I'm really enjoying all the thoughtful posts here. We're in a Catholic middle school and trying to decide whether to do private or public for high school. Both parents attended Catholic K-16 so yeah, we had lots of years of brainwashing that Catholic and private are "better," but we know there are amazing programs in the publics that are worth considering. Also, I do feel like I lived a bit in a "bubble" and could have benefited from being exposed to more diversity in school.

I am concerned about safety--maybe I'm just being too influenced by fearmongering, but the locked bathroom issues in the public high school are very concerning to me, along with reports and social media videos of fights. I know privates have their issues too, but feel like the tuition buys you more direct communication with school leadership and privates have more control over how to treat issues.

For us, it's probably going to boil down to where our kid is accepted and if they have choices, what they prefer. They're not a top-tier kid so acceptance anywhere is not guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids were in private but we left and went public. No regrets. There are trade offs but there is no school in the area that meets their needs. Private schools are small by design and that feature comes with many considerations that parents don’t think about. The social dynamics can be stifling in a small school. The academic options can also be limited in a small school.

Activities, too.

We thought about sending our youngest to private, especially during covid when DC was in MS. But, we stuck it out. DC is at a large public HS, and the activity that they do has so many really amazing, talented kids. There is no way a small private could replicate the sheet quantity of talented kids that the large public has.

And agree about the socially stifling comment. DC has had a couple of friend group breakups throughout MS and HS. Luckily, the schools were large enough that they could find another group. Much harder to do that in a small private.

I don't know about the academics, but the smaller class sizes would be great for DC.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all of these helpful comments.

[Anonymous]

My kid probably won't get in anywhere worth going. What, I'm going to pay for him go to some second-rate religious school? No. If he can't get into a good private, why bother?

[Anonymous]

Each child has different needs. My youngest stopped attending private school after 6th grade. My middle went all the way through. My youngest needed a larger student body. Also there are more opportunities that I think she would benefit from that some private schools cannot offer (dual enrollment, work study programs, etc).