Midlife Jump Scare - adult years swamped by juggle

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the juggle now. Former multi tasker/ super woman here. I miss being enthralled, tired from life. I’m bored now. I still multi task with my teens but less than when I was single doing the corporate 9-6+ grind.

When my teens leave for college, I will feel depressed. They are independent, level headed good kids; I only fulfill a small part of parenting duty requirements with them now, the rest of the time I do errands, clean, I work a few hours a week as a substitute teacher. We travel once a year as a family, one weekend as a couple yet I feel blah.

I feel like I have already experienced many things. 4 different careers, travels, dating, now in a contented marriage. No hobbies interest me. Entitled bored, I know but there it is. 55 and feel one and done.

[Anonymous]

You have a middle schooler. Your kids are not almost fully grown. Your youngest can’t get everywhere themselves.

I have 22yo graduating from college this year and an 18 yo graduating from high school this year then going to college. My kids are almost grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I chose to front load my life. Got married at 26 but no kids until 40.

That way we had traveled, were in management roles and financially set before first kid arrived.

And in reference to the person who said OP should have lived near family to help with childcare, if yours follow your model you'll be 80 when your grandkids are born.

And they'll be grappling with caring for young children AND having elderly parents who could well be in decline. Or you could be begging for their help but they don't have the bandwidth for children and their management careers (although everyone will have enough money to have paid help from strangers).

Not to criticize but just to point out that there are a lot of ways to plan one's life and every one of them has some trap doors somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, don’t forget to think about how your hormones, pre-menopause or menauposed body plays into this.

Part of your bleak perspective could be linked to it… I saw it for my professionally very successful mom and some of my also very successful older friends turning 48-50 now.

Plus Midlife crisis is for everyone ! Suddenly you have more time to think about it as your kids are grown and you can think about how short life is…

Anyway, all this to say : you have your family, good health, and plenty of time left. Your dark feelings are valid but objectively your life doesn’t warrant it, you made the right choice at the time for your own situation and can still do so much more now if you want to change path.Take care of yourself and your mental health and jump forward into new projects !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy the juggle now. Former multi tasker/ super woman here. I miss being enthralled, tired from life. I’m bored now. I still multi task with my teens but less than when I was single doing the corporate 9-6+ grind.

When my teens leave for college, I will feel depressed. They are independent, level headed good kids; I only fulfill a small part of parenting duty requirements with them now, the rest of the time I do errands, clean, I work a few hours a week as a substitute teacher. We travel once a year as a family, one weekend as a couple yet I feel blah.

I feel like I have already experienced many things. 4 different careers, travels, dating, now in a contented marriage. No hobbies interest me. Entitled bored, I know but there it is. 55 and feel one and done.

I feel this. Until I get some grandchildren (Lord willing) I'm kinda bored. Planning a lot of trips, doing more w friends, FT hobby job, in the best shape of my life, our net worth is 8 figures. But - excitement level drops when the kids leave. Nothing to pour my heart and soul into until those kids produce some babies.

[Anonymous]

This is why a lot of people choose to have kids in their late 30s - 40s. But you get the advantage of having more time on the back end. 52 is still young. Enjoy it before your parents start declining and have to be their parent

[Anonymous]

I feel the same, with the addition that the job I chose for the past 10 years was primarily because it allowed me to be home after school and in the summers. That doesn’t matter anymore, so my frustrations with the job are building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

In our culture back home, kids are basically a retirement plan but here kids are expensive, time and money consuming, constant source of stress and after draining your youth, health, money and mental health, they leave and don't provide any logistical, physical, emotional or financial support in old age. Most are ungrateful and critical who blame parents for everything they dislike about this universe.
It makes no sense to have kids now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

In our culture back home, kids are basically a retirement plan but here kids are expensive, time and money consuming, constant source of stress and after draining your youth, health, money and mental health, they leave and don't provide any logistical, physical, emotional or financial support in old age. Most are ungrateful and critical who blame parents for everything they dislike about this universe.
It makes no sense to have kids now.

Yep many Millennials & GenZ just get dogs instead of kids. Birth rate is plummeting.