Midlife Jump Scare - adult years swamped by juggle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

First, 52 isn't too late. Second, you learned a ton of skills re: managing people, situations, etc., in those crazy years -- all which will be useful to you now in your career. Look at all of this in a positive light instead of a negative one, because it is a positive one.

[Anonymous]

I read somewhere that when you send your last child to college you suddenly get this influx of energy and feel great -- and that didn't happen for us. instead, i ended up with some pretty serious health issues so I never got that 'bounce back'.
We recently retired and had heard that a lot of people get an energy boost once they start sleeping later in the morning and having less on their plates -- but we retired in order to take care of elderly parents after a number of deaths in the past year, and that combined with being DOGE'd and somewhat involuntarily retiring didnt leave us feeling either energetic or optimistic.
Still waiting for that energy boost.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid in HS and I am just enjoying the freedom I have. No nannies, I can come and go as I please and even travel for a few days. Once he is in college my plan is to travel for longer stretches. However my worries are my aging parent and my health. And maybe money, to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Here here, Op!
I hear ya, you are still young enough

[Anonymous]

I’m 52 and right there with you OP. I am exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you're describing is life. And you're not special. You're living an honorable life but, like everyone else, not particularly special

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

You're only 52, it's not too late for you. At least you're awake now. Now what are you gong to do with this gift of awareness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Not everyone can do this. Some of us pulled ourselves up by the bootstraps to escape a low economic area where the parents reside. So returning to a depressed area, like the rust belt, is not a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Not too late and you need to do something if see past 20 as non-event. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, I feel exactly the same way, though at 56.

[Anonymous]

You dedicated your hours, days, years to raising successful children. That's not a waste of time, it's to be commended. It it tiring and expensive, but you make the choice to raise kids and that's not without its costs. Applaud yourself for your efforts then set some goals for your reclaimed time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 52 and right there with you OP. I am exhausted.

53 and this. Plus the surprise of random aches and pains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

retirement age is 67. You are 15 years out. Some people work to 70 till max SS. You are not old

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

[Anonymous]

Don’t you feel proud and happy you made it this far? Just rest for now. And eventually you’ll use that extra time for yourself. For me that meant meeting a friend for a drink, watching more tv, going to the gym, or taking a nap. And not feeling bad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you're describing is life. And you're not special. You're living an honorable life but, like everyone else, not particularly special

An average life in which you had good parents, got a college education, a job, got married, had kids, kids got educated, they got married, they had kids etc sounds ordinary but many people don't get it.

Most people work for money. If you are not in need of the money then work on your health and the health of your family.