Midlife Jump Scare - adult years swamped by juggle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Some people's parents live in the middle of nowhere with no jobs in sight. Some people's parents actively do not want to help with grandkids. Some people's parents add to "the juggle" by becoming additional dependents with medical or mental health needs.

Most people's siblings are handling their own juggle and can't just help you with your kids.

Do you think everyone has an Aunt Ida tucked away somewhere, widowed, not kids, excited to help you with the school run and watch the kids on the weekend while you go to Zumba or take a painting class?

[Anonymous]

52 here also with high schoolers. If I didn’t have to spend so much time taking care of elderly parents, I’d be interested in pursuing new interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Some people's parents live in the middle of nowhere with no jobs in sight. Some people's parents actively do not want to help with grandkids. Some people's parents add to "the juggle" by becoming additional dependents with medical or mental health needs.

Most people's siblings are handling their own juggle and can't just help you with your kids.

Do you think everyone has an Aunt Ida tucked away somewhere, widowed, not kids, excited to help you with the school run and watch the kids on the weekend while you go to Zumba or take a painting class?

Our parents all add to the juggle, even the one parent who helps in some ways is a net time and energy drainer. So, living away from family makes the logistics of daily life easier, not harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Welcome to motherhood... 52 is not old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Well, you've birthed, raised and educated your kids, kept a career, earned and saved money, ran a household, managed a marriage so its not nothing. Neither of you had a lucrative career so that was a choice that didn't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Some people's parents live in the middle of nowhere with no jobs in sight. Some people's parents actively do not want to help with grandkids. Some people's parents add to "the juggle" by becoming additional dependents with medical or mental health needs.

Most people's siblings are handling their own juggle and can't just help you with your kids.

Do you think everyone has an Aunt Ida tucked away somewhere, widowed, not kids, excited to help you with the school run and watch the kids on the weekend while you go to Zumba or take a painting class?

Our parents all add to the juggle, even the one parent who helps in some ways is a net time and energy drainer. So, living away from family makes the logistics of daily life easier, not harder.

That's a choice. Life is give and take. Other people aren't just there to live up to your expectations either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Well, the worse is yet to come. Then these days will seem like the golden days.

[Anonymous]

That’s life. You have to find meaning in the here and now, whatever it looks like for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Some people's parents live in the middle of nowhere with no jobs in sight. Some people's parents actively do not want to help with grandkids. Some people's parents add to "the juggle" by becoming additional dependents with medical or mental health needs.

Most people's siblings are handling their own juggle and can't just help you with your kids.

Do you think everyone has an Aunt Ida tucked away somewhere, widowed, not kids, excited to help you with the school run and watch the kids on the weekend while you go to Zumba or take a painting class?

Our parents were too old and lived some place we didn’t want to be. There are a million reasons people don’t live near family. Sounds like OP is just realizing life is short. We all have moments like this. Especially now that our capitalist society is crumbling. WTH was it all for? Why do we kill ourselves and lose time so we can have a decent 401k? What IS that? It’s sad, but those of us on here have probably had easier lives than 99% of humanity ever did. Still, nothing wrong with wanting a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Well, you've birthed, raised and educated your kids, kept a career, earned and saved money, ran a household, managed a marriage so its not nothing. Neither of you had a lucrative career so that was a choice that didn't help.

This is one of the most insidious things people can say. PP, you sound unworldly and bigoted and like someone I really hope is not part of my community. What a useless troll.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents did their job by raising their kids, they need to relax in old age, not run after toddler tantrums. Its convenient to trash parents for not doing perfect parenting and then using them for free childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Well, you've birthed, raised and educated your kids, kept a career, earned and saved money, ran a household, managed a marriage so its not nothing. Neither of you had a lucrative career so that was a choice that didn't help.

This is one of the most insidious things people can say. PP, you sound unworldly and bigoted and like someone I really hope is not part of my community. What a useless troll.

OP did complain about low paying careers, long commute and inability to hire help so this comment isn't unwarranted. We all make choices, if money is a priority then we slave at more demanding and less fulfilling careers. That's life. Sadly, its not easy to have it all, wealth, fulfilling careers, kids and work life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Ummm… you’ve raised kids, which was presumably important to you. You have time to have hobbies and frankly, your career won’t end up being really important to you in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Impressive that you can’t seem to think of a reason why this might not be feasible for many.

[Anonymous]

You made a mistake staying in this area on two decent but not high earning salaries.

If you had moved you likely would have enjoyed more luxuries or you may have been able to not work at all.

But perhaps now you are living somewhere you really enjoy.