Desperately need help to recover from lovesickness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op actually sounds delusional. She also can't pick up on the fact that her friends are making fun of her. They want to hear about what's going on because they think it's hilarious. There is absolutely nothing you've posted that makes you sound like you'd be a good life coach or motivational speaker. They are making fun of you by suggesting that.

They are not making fun. The friend who suggested that knows nothing about my obsession over this guy. All she knows is that I found a new job which is remote and allows me to live anywhere in the country and I’m taking a full advantage of that - moved to the area I really like and go hiking and visit new beautiful places several times a week. And got a new handsome young boyfriend who has a fascinating job and gave me the keys to his apartment and car because I appear so trustworthy (and I am, actually).

That new guy is truly so handsome that after I sent his picture to my friends, they asked me if he looks like that in real life and if I’m sure it’s a real person, not AI generated, and whether I paid the dating app in order for its algorithm to show me such a great man.

Sure OP. I'm actually concerned for how mentally ill you seem.

[Anonymous]

The level of delusion from OP is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op actually sounds delusional. She also can't pick up on the fact that her friends are making fun of her. They want to hear about what's going on because they think it's hilarious. There is absolutely nothing you've posted that makes you sound like you'd be a good life coach or motivational speaker. They are making fun of you by suggesting that.

They are not making fun. The friend who suggested that knows nothing about my obsession over this guy. All she knows is that I found a new job which is remote and allows me to live anywhere in the country and I’m taking a full advantage of that - moved to the area I really like and go hiking and visit new beautiful places several times a week. And got a new handsome young boyfriend who has a fascinating job and gave me the keys to his apartment and car because I appear so trustworthy (and I am, actually).

That new guy is truly so handsome that after I sent his picture to my friends, they asked me if he looks like that in real life and if I’m sure it’s a real person, not AI generated, and whether I paid the dating app in order for its algorithm to show me such a great man.

Wait....if he's so amazing than why are you unable to get over the loser addict guy who says he wants nothing to do with you. OP, you're creating narratives to fit your delusion. It's actually pretty scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

Get therapy and work hard at it. You sound seriously unstable

I met with a therapist 4 times but it stopped being helpful. All he said in this regard was to stay away from him because if I get into a relationship with him I will get hurt much more - because of his alcohol and drug addictions, the substances will always remain more important than I am. The therapist said I should distract myself and that I’m grieving and that it takes time to recover, up to two years generally. When I worked with that man and got attached to him, I had no idea that he is struggling with addictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

Get therapy and work hard at it. You sound seriously unstable

I met with a therapist 4 times but it stopped being helpful. All he said in this regard was to stay away from him because if I get into a relationship with him I will get hurt much more - because of his alcohol and drug addictions, the substances will always remain more important than I am. The therapist said I should distract myself and that I’m grieving and that it takes time to recover, up to two years generally. When I worked with that man and got attached to him, I had no idea that he is struggling with addictions.

There is a lot more going on with you OP. You are seriously and scarily mentally unwell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

OP I have actually been in your situation where I had limerance for a man who was breadcrumbing me, very similarly to your "friend."

First of all, you have to accept some harsh truths that you have probably been avoiding about the dissolution of your marriage. You paint your husband of 20 years as a pure bad guy, but the reality is that if you had directed your focus and energy into your marriage rather than your obsession with a dysfunctional other man, you might have been able to save it and have a happier second act with your ex. You blew up your life for a fantasy of what marriage should be rather than what it could be.

Second, you didn't have some special connection with this guy. He was your coworker, he liked your attention, and it probably freaked him the F out when you left your husband. He likes your attention but doesn't want to invest anything into a relationship with you. He doesn't even want to see you. It's sad, it's pathetic, it's humiliating, and you have to start thinking about it in those terms.

Your brain is addicted to the dopamine of this fantasy, and you have to make deliberate efforts to rewire those connections by reminding yourself that this whole fiasco is super embarrassing and does nothing but hurt you over and over again. Keep it as a note on your phone. Train ChatGPT to tell you over and over again that the other guy isn't worth it. Tell a friend to act as that reality check. Come back to this thread and read over it.

Get busy having an actual life with friends and hobbies and your career and not necessarily men. Try therapy.

When you snap out of this, it's going to sting. A lot. You're going to realize you wasted years on nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

OP I have actually been in your situation where I had limerance for a man who was breadcrumbing me, very similarly to your "friend."

First of all, you have to accept some harsh truths that you have probably been avoiding about the dissolution of your marriage. You paint your husband of 20 years as a pure bad guy, but the reality is that if you had directed your focus and energy into your marriage rather than your obsession with a dysfunctional other man, you might have been able to save it and have a happier second act with your ex. You blew up your life for a fantasy of what marriage should be rather than what it could be.

Second, you didn't have some special connection with this guy. He was your coworker, he liked your attention, and it probably freaked him the F out when you left your husband. He likes your attention but doesn't want to invest anything into a relationship with you. He doesn't even want to see you. It's sad, it's pathetic, it's humiliating, and you have to start thinking about it in those terms.

Your brain is addicted to the dopamine of this fantasy, and you have to make deliberate efforts to rewire those connections by reminding yourself that this whole fiasco is super embarrassing and does nothing but hurt you over and over again. Keep it as a note on your phone. Train ChatGPT to tell you over and over again that the other guy isn't worth it. Tell a friend to act as that reality check. Come back to this thread and read over it.

Get busy having an actual life with friends and hobbies and your career and not necessarily men. Try therapy.

When you snap out of this, it's going to sting. A lot. You're going to realize you wasted years on nonsense.

This is the most helpful post on this entire thread. OP, everything this person says is the truth. I know in your delusion right now you won't take her words to heart. But please try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op actually sounds delusional. She also can't pick up on the fact that her friends are making fun of her. They want to hear about what's going on because they think it's hilarious. There is absolutely nothing you've posted that makes you sound like you'd be a good life coach or motivational speaker. They are making fun of you by suggesting that.

They are not making fun. The friend who suggested that knows nothing about my obsession over this guy. All she knows is that I found a new job which is remote and allows me to live anywhere in the country and I’m taking a full advantage of that - moved to the area I really like and go hiking and visit new beautiful places several times a week. And got a new handsome young boyfriend who has a fascinating job and gave me the keys to his apartment and car because I appear so trustworthy (and I am, actually).

That new guy is truly so handsome that after I sent his picture to my friends, they asked me if he looks like that in real life and if I’m sure it’s a real person, not AI generated, and whether I paid the dating app in order for its algorithm to show me such a great man.

Wait....if he's so amazing than why are you unable to get over the loser addict guy who says he wants nothing to do with you. OP, you're creating narratives to fit your delusion. It's actually pretty scary.

He is truly amazing but women fall for him easily, and he doesn’t want any committed and long-term relationships. When I was with him, that actually helped a lot, but it’s been about 10 days since he left for Europe. We are in touch via texts but I will only see him on 9/30 and am here alone now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

Him being a coward isn't about you. He's not about you. That's the whole point. You want him to be into you in a way he's not. Not only is he not into you, he's not even strong enough to be honest about it. You can't fix him. Go fix yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

You're suffering because you won't let it go. Let go or be dragged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. You need entertainment and work and volunteering. Perhaps you need anxiety medication from a psychiatrist, to help you stop perseverating on this. You might be developing a form of OCD over this, and OCD, while hard to treat, can be helped by anxiety meds. If you continue therapy, you need to focus on what makes you tend to perseverate and ruminate over certain subjects, because I suspect you might have that profile.

I have a big trouble focusing on work now, will probably go for a long walk instead. I don’t ruminate over any other subjects, it’s just that this connection truly feels like once a lifetime, and I can’t understand why he is unwilling to meet in person and just see how that goes. I don’t want to reach out to him again and have no idea whether he is going to reach out to me, ever.

This is entirely one sided. This is a you problem. And I say this as someone who was lovesick in my early 20s, but I was young.

Snap out of it. This is not some movie. There is no happy ending with a soul mate. That doesn't exist. He clearly doesn't think you're his soul mate even if there is such a thing.

You sound like you need drama in your life.

It wasn’t “entirely one sided”, he said a lot of things that indicated that he cares about me and values our connection.

Reframe this as "he wanted my attention" and not "he valued our connection"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

His silence is your answer. Take it as though he yelled "no" to you. Find a better match and someone who values you and makes time for you. He is not it.

As cowardly an answer as it is, this is true. No answer is an answer. Only yes means yes.

[Anonymous]

OP is going to ruin her life and it's hard to feel bad for her because she literally won't listen to anyone who points out the truth of her situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

Silence is not violence and he's made himself very clear. Let go of the idea that he owes you attention or affection. He doesn't. He's scared of a confrontation with you, not necessarily because you would be outright violent, but maybe he is just too cowardly. I would also be scared of a confrontation with you based on your posts as you seem unstable.

Yeah, no. Going non-com after stringing someone along is emotionally manipulative, and hurtful. Not saying anything at all from the start is one thing, but leading someone on and then ghosting is emotionally violent.

It's not "confrontational" to simply say no. If more people would just say "no" instead of all the pussyfooting around they do instead (and then ghosting), there'd be a lot less wasted time/energy and confusion.

Stable people have no trouble saying a direct "no" when they're not interested, and then not engaging if the other party persists. This guy didn't do that. He led her on and then went non-com. That's shite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op actually sounds delusional. She also can't pick up on the fact that her friends are making fun of her. They want to hear about what's going on because they think it's hilarious. There is absolutely nothing you've posted that makes you sound like you'd be a good life coach or motivational speaker. They are making fun of you by suggesting that.

They are not making fun. The friend who suggested that knows nothing about my obsession over this guy. All she knows is that I found a new job which is remote and allows me to live anywhere in the country and I’m taking a full advantage of that - moved to the area I really like and go hiking and visit new beautiful places several times a week. And got a new handsome young boyfriend who has a fascinating job and gave me the keys to his apartment and car because I appear so trustworthy (and I am, actually).

That new guy is truly so handsome that after I sent his picture to my friends, they asked me if he looks like that in real life and if I’m sure it’s a real person, not AI generated, and whether I paid the dating app in order for its algorithm to show me such a great man.

Wait....if he's so amazing than why are you unable to get over the loser addict guy who says he wants nothing to do with you. OP, you're creating narratives to fit your delusion. It's actually pretty scary.

Says someone sockpuppeting this thread just to call a stranger "delusional".