Desperately need help to recover from lovesickness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

He is saying this because he knows you have romantic feelings for him and he doesn't reciprocate. He's trying to be diplomatic or gentle with you without realizing how insanely invested you are. He has never slept with you or had a romantic relationship with you, so he doesn't really owe you any closure because there's nothing to close. You were casual work friends at best.

But they HUGGED for 30 seconds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

Silence is not violence and he's made himself very clear. Let go of the idea that he owes you attention or affection. He doesn't. He's scared of a confrontation with you, not necessarily because you would be outright violent, but maybe he is just too cowardly. I would also be scared of a confrontation with you based on your posts as you seem unstable.

Yeah, no. Going non-com after stringing someone along is emotionally manipulative, and hurtful. Not saying anything at all from the start is one thing, but leading someone on and then ghosting is emotionally violent.

It's not "confrontational" to simply say no. If more people would just say "no" instead of all the pussyfooting around they do instead (and then ghosting), there'd be a lot less wasted time/energy and confusion.

Stable people have no trouble saying a direct "no" when they're not interested, and then not engaging if the other party persists. This guy didn't do that. He led her on and then went non-com. That's shite.

We are only getting OPs side of things and it's clear she's delusional and makes sure the narrative goes a certain way.

OP here. Why? I’m sharing the facts here: he has stayed in touch with me for many months, checking in on me, suggesting the phone calls to catch up, asked a lot of personal questions and shared a lot of personal information about himself. When we met, he hugged me 4 times, with the first and last hugs being tight and lasting for at least 30 seconds! I’d think any reasonable woman would think that a man is at least somewhat interested.

Men are not difficult to understand. When a man is interested he makes an effort to see with you and be with you regularly. This guy does not. He was a work acquaintance you texted with. I'm not sure if I'd call someone who doesn't want to see me a friend.

You don't even need to gender this. If you want effort and attention, and the person you want it from isn't providing it, move on.

Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

You don't need to provide more info. It's just feeding into your obsession. You need to take a break from all men and work on yourself. It's obvious you have some mental health issues. Please take some time to take them seriously and work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

This is messed up. Honestly, I might've cut you a bit of slack for being way too invested in this other dude and naive af... but you're doing to your husband what crushdude is doing to you.

Gross, OP. Damn...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

This is such a troll thread. Your abject helplessness made it more entertaining than most, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

If your husband is willing to forgive all of this, he loves you very much.

You are not going to find that again. Think twice before you close that door forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

This is messed up. Honestly, I might've cut you a bit of slack for being way too invested in this other dude and naive af... but you're doing to your husband what crushdude is doing to you.

Gross, OP. Damn...

And the weird situation with the guy whose apt she's living in. OP seems to have a desperate need for attention and validation. Especially from men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

You don't need to provide more info. It's just feeding into your obsession. You need to take a break from all men and work on yourself. It's obvious you have some mental health issues. Please take some time to take them seriously and work on yourself.

This. File for divorce, go to therapy, get sober (from any/all addictions, including your apparent addictions to sex/love/relationships and drama), and get your own house in order before you go mixing with others. You're complicit in your own "suffering" and unhappiness here, OP. Accept the things you cannot change (this dude you want isn't for you and doesn't want you), and change the things you can (formalize your separation/divorce and make a life for yourself that you actually enjoy and would want to share with someone)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also, regarding friends. Why was his reaction to me seeing someone “you’ve found a man and have no need for me”? Is this something a friend would say? I really wasn’t stalking him at that point, he was the one to check in on me at the end of July.

So you don't actually want help it seems. You just want attention and to obsess over him. You didn't actually post to get help and advice, you posted for validation and attention seeking purposes. Because if you actually wanted help, you'd put in an effort. But no, you just keep talking about him and wanting people to tell you you're right and all that. Good luck.

I do want and need help and greatly appreciate all the responses! I will certainly revisit all of them multiple times. I’m just providing more information about my situation.
I’m currently on the phone with my husband, he is definitely waiting for me to come back.

This is messed up. Honestly, I might've cut you a bit of slack for being way too invested in this other dude and naive af... but you're doing to your husband what crushdude is doing to you.

Gross, OP. Damn...

And the weird situation with the guy whose apt she's living in. OP seems to have a desperate need for attention and validation. Especially from men.

Yeah, trolly mctroll trolled pretty hard with this one...

But honestly? I've known women like this. Not sure if it's self-esteem issues, daddy issues, drama addiction, or what, but it's pretty hard to watch. I hope OP learns to love and respect herself so she stops needing validation from men who don't love her.