Desperately need help to recover from lovesickness

[Anonymous]

Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. You need entertainment and work and volunteering. Perhaps you need anxiety medication from a psychiatrist, to help you stop perseverating on this. You might be developing a form of OCD over this, and OCD, while hard to treat, can be helped by anxiety meds. If you continue therapy, you need to focus on what makes you tend to perseverate and ruminate over certain subjects, because I suspect you might have that profile.

I have a big trouble focusing on work now, will probably go for a long walk instead. I don’t ruminate over any other subjects, it’s just that this connection truly feels like once a lifetime, and I can’t understand why he is unwilling to meet in person and just see how that goes. I don’t want to reach out to him again and have no idea whether he is going to reach out to me, ever.

This is entirely one sided. This is a you problem. And I say this as someone who was lovesick in my early 20s, but I was young.

Snap out of it. This is not some movie. There is no happy ending with a soul mate. That doesn't exist. He clearly doesn't think you're his soul mate even if there is such a thing.

You sound like you need drama in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. You need entertainment and work and volunteering. Perhaps you need anxiety medication from a psychiatrist, to help you stop perseverating on this. You might be developing a form of OCD over this, and OCD, while hard to treat, can be helped by anxiety meds. If you continue therapy, you need to focus on what makes you tend to perseverate and ruminate over certain subjects, because I suspect you might have that profile.

I have a big trouble focusing on work now, will probably go for a long walk instead. I don’t ruminate over any other subjects, it’s just that this connection truly feels like once a lifetime, and I can’t understand why he is unwilling to meet in person and just see how that goes. I don’t want to reach out to him again and have no idea whether he is going to reach out to me, ever.

Uh he doesn't want to meet in person because you are sending signals you are a crazy obsessed stalker which you are. He probably feels sorry for you and bad he is the object of your obsession so checking in on you assuages that guilt but no way does he want you anywhere near him. Someone so obsessed they left a marriage because of thinking about him...this screams bunny boiler loud and clear. Reference is to movie Fatal Attraction btw.

Does sending a text or two per week indicate obsession, in his view?
Again, I didn’t leave my marriage because of him, I left because I was deeply miserable, but yes, I hoped that he will come to see me or at least I’ll get clarity regarding his intentions - which I now did. Any clarity is better than staying in that emotional limbo for years.

A lot of people, especially men, will happily string you along, breadcrumbing you to keep you around, without any intention of actually following through on any of it. Worse, when you have followed their lead out into the proverbial weeds, they'll then DARVO you and call you a "stalker" or "obsessed", as if they hadn't been leading you on. It's deeply hurtful.

If you're not interested in people, leave them the hell alone, especially if you know they're into you in a way you have no intention of ever reciprocating. Using someone's feelings for your personal narcissistic supply is more mental than liking someone who doesn't like you back. If he'd been clear up front, a lot of this probably could've been avoided.

All the same, OP, now that you know, it falls to you to do the right thing and distance yourself from this person, who clearly isn't the gem you may have once thought.

He didn’t call me a stalker or obsessed, some of the PPs did. But yes, it’s been very cruel of him to lead me on. Even now, he could have been upfront, but he is hiding behind the silence instead. For example, when a man that I met last week told me how interested he is in building a relationship with me, I told him that he is such an amazing, kind, caring man and deserves a woman that can give him her whole heart, and unfortunately I’m not in a position to commit even to a perfect man at this moment. I made that man feel good!
And the man that I’m addicted to clearly knows a lot of good things about me - so how difficult could that be to name them and then say that I deserve a man who can care about me wholeheartedly, etc.? He is just torturing me. [/quote]
And you are letting him. Do you always let people treat you like sh(t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. You need entertainment and work and volunteering. Perhaps you need anxiety medication from a psychiatrist, to help you stop perseverating on this. You might be developing a form of OCD over this, and OCD, while hard to treat, can be helped by anxiety meds. If you continue therapy, you need to focus on what makes you tend to perseverate and ruminate over certain subjects, because I suspect you might have that profile.

I have a big trouble focusing on work now, will probably go for a long walk instead. I don’t ruminate over any other subjects, it’s just that this connection truly feels like once a lifetime, and I can’t understand why he is unwilling to meet in person and just see how that goes. I don’t want to reach out to him again and have no idea whether he is going to reach out to me, ever.

This is entirely one sided. This is a you problem. And I say this as someone who was lovesick in my early 20s, but I was young.

Snap out of it. This is not some movie. There is no happy ending with a soul mate. That doesn't exist. He clearly doesn't think you're his soul mate even if there is such a thing.

You sound like you need drama in your life.

It wasn’t “entirely one sided”, he said a lot of things that indicated that he cares about me and values our connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

[Anonymous]

Op actually sounds delusional. She also can't pick up on the fact that her friends are making fun of her. They want to hear about what's going on because they think it's hilarious. There is absolutely nothing you've posted that makes you sound like you'd be a good life coach or motivational speaker. They are making fun of you by suggesting that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. You need entertainment and work and volunteering. Perhaps you need anxiety medication from a psychiatrist, to help you stop perseverating on this. You might be developing a form of OCD over this, and OCD, while hard to treat, can be helped by anxiety meds. If you continue therapy, you need to focus on what makes you tend to perseverate and ruminate over certain subjects, because I suspect you might have that profile.

I have a big trouble focusing on work now, will probably go for a long walk instead. I don’t ruminate over any other subjects, it’s just that this connection truly feels like once a lifetime, and I can’t understand why he is unwilling to meet in person and just see how that goes. I don’t want to reach out to him again and have no idea whether he is going to reach out to me, ever.

Uh he doesn't want to meet in person because you are sending signals you are a crazy obsessed stalker which you are. He probably feels sorry for you and bad he is the object of your obsession so checking in on you assuages that guilt but no way does he want you anywhere near him. Someone so obsessed they left a marriage because of thinking about him...this screams bunny boiler loud and clear. Reference is to movie Fatal Attraction btw.

Does sending a text or two per week indicate obsession, in his view?
Again, I didn’t leave my marriage because of him, I left because I was deeply miserable, but yes, I hoped that he will come to see me or at least I’ll get clarity regarding his intentions - which I now did. Any clarity is better than staying in that emotional limbo for years.

A lot of people, especially men, will happily string you along, breadcrumbing you to keep you around, without any intention of actually following through on any of it. Worse, when you have followed their lead out into the proverbial weeds, they'll then DARVO you and call you a "stalker" or "obsessed", as if they hadn't been leading you on. It's deeply hurtful.

If you're not interested in people, leave them the hell alone, especially if you know they're into you in a way you have no intention of ever reciprocating. Using someone's feelings for your personal narcissistic supply is more mental than liking someone who doesn't like you back. If he'd been clear up front, a lot of this probably could've been avoided.

All the same, OP, now that you know, it falls to you to do the right thing and distance yourself from this person, who clearly isn't the gem you may have once thought.

He didn’t call me a stalker or obsessed, some of the PPs did. But yes, it’s been very cruel of him to lead me on. Even now, he could have been upfront, but he is hiding behind the silence instead. For example, when a man that I met last week told me how interested he is in building a relationship with me, I told him that he is such an amazing, kind, caring man and deserves a woman that can give him her whole heart, and unfortunately I’m not in a position to commit even to a perfect man at this moment. I made that man feel good!
And the man that I’m addicted to clearly knows a lot of good things about me - so how difficult could that be to name them and then say that I deserve a man who can care about me wholeheartedly, etc.? He is just torturing me. /quote]
And you are letting him. Do you always let people treat you like sh(t?

I don’t. He is the first person in my life that I got attached to - and that happened when he treated me with great care and respect and said things like “I want you to be happy and will do whatever it takes to make you happy” - it was in the work context, but still, quite uncommon to tell to a random colleague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

Agree that he is not good for you, you know it, and you are holding on to a delusion. He is not giving you want you crave-- point blank.

Time to delete block, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

His silence is your answer. Take it as though he yelled "no" to you. Find a better match and someone who values you and makes time for you. He is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

Silence is not violence and he's made himself very clear. Let go of the idea that he owes you attention or affection. He doesn't. He's scared of a confrontation with you, not necessarily because you would be outright violent, but maybe he is just too cowardly. I would also be scared of a confrontation with you based on your posts as you seem unstable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe his silence is kindness so you can go cold turkey.
You should.

While I agree that she should, silence is violence. Truth is kindness. If the answer is no, say no. If the answer is "I think you're really great, and I'm not available to be the person you deserve" say that. Honestly, if the answer is "Hell no, you delusional _______! " well, say that. Own the truth.

Going silent, ghosting, saying nothing when there's something important you could say... that's not kindness, it's cowardice. Be an adult and speak your truth, especially to someone who has already shown you that courtesy. Don't string people along when there's an easy way to not.

And I still agree she should pinch this turd off, because she has recognized that this "relationship" ain't shit and never will be.

OP here. Thank you. This is exactly how his silence feels to me - like violence. I don’t know why he is so afraid to tell the truth - I’m super peaceful and he knows that, there is no way I would come and actually stalk or physically hurt him if I don’t like his response.

You said he's recovering from his own issues. He's not able to give you what you want, even a correct send-off, OP. Stop dwelling on it already. You should ask for this thread to be deleted. All you're doing is feeding your obsession by discussing this man.

But how do I stop dwelling on it?? This is why I started this thread. I’m suffering and need help.

Get therapy and work hard at it. You sound seriously unstable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op actually sounds delusional. She also can't pick up on the fact that her friends are making fun of her. They want to hear about what's going on because they think it's hilarious. There is absolutely nothing you've posted that makes you sound like you'd be a good life coach or motivational speaker. They are making fun of you by suggesting that.

They are not making fun. The friend who suggested that knows nothing about my obsession over this guy. All she knows is that I found a new job which is remote and allows me to live anywhere in the country and I’m taking a full advantage of that - moved to the area I really like and go hiking and visit new beautiful places several times a week. And got a new handsome young boyfriend who has a fascinating job and gave me the keys to his apartment and car because I appear so trustworthy (and I am, actually).

That new guy is truly so handsome that after I sent his picture to my friends, they asked me if he looks like that in real life and if I’m sure it’s a real person, not AI generated, and whether I paid the dating app in order for its algorithm to show me such a great man.