PSA-Hoco season

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculously early but the planning has absolutely begun…

My boys aren’t even thinking about it….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculously early but the planning has absolutely begun…

My boys aren’t even thinking about it….

Where I live the girls are doing all the planning. My freshman son hasn't even mentioned it. But I hear the girls have the dresses, party buses, etc all planned.

[Anonymous]

Of course kids should aim for inclusivity but I think sometimes people forget 1) kids don’t always do what their moms suggest and 2) every kid has stuff going on and expecting other kids to always be mature and brave is just a losing proposition, they’re all kids with their own strengths and weaknesses just like your kid. (And no, I’m not saying this bc my kids don’t get left out!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, please remind your kids to be inclusive as they make HoCo plans. DD has friends but is exceptionally shy and I can see her getting left out of Hoco plans by her own friends as they make their own plans. Remind your kids to reach out (and not assume their friends have other plans).

You are kidding right?

Homecoming is so over blown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OHHH I have one!

"Parents, please remind your kids"... to wear dresses that cover their bottoms!

How's that?

Oh here come the hand-wringing boy moms who hate the dresses!

Nope no boys! Just sick of the trashy dresses that say more about the moms of these girls than anything else. I guess you're one!

Please post a link to the dress your daughter is wearing or has worn. We'll wait.

Laughing at you idiots that don't know you can find a dress that goes passed the vagina and not end at the ankles. What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about she initiates, OP? It's a skill. A skill required that everyone needs to work on to improve.

DP here. Many of us have tried, repeatedly. The Queen Bee’s have such a death grip that the other kids are scared to defect from her group, even if they don’t like her.

I have not known many groups where there is a Queen Bee. Surely your daughter could find a different group.

Then you aren't paying attention or are very lucky. That' doesn't make your experience universal.

What is so hard about reminding kids to be inclusive? Why does that offend you so?

It doesn’t offend me but I don’t think it’s helpful. Everyone needs to find the place where they fit in. A pity invite doesn’t translate int friendship and frankly I think it’s kind of embarrassing. I can’t imagine kids actually accept them. And if they do I can’t imagine they actually have fun.

If kids are really struggling, they need to try some clubs, a church youth group, a sport or something where they can actually find their community.

Some kids have friends but not a group! Why is this so hard to understand? Not all kids are the same. My own DD's best friend didn't ask her what she was doing for HOCO last year; they simply did their own thing with different people because it was easier than initiating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OHHH I have one!

"Parents, please remind your kids"... to wear dresses that cover their bottoms!

How's that?

Oh here come the hand-wringing boy moms who hate the dresses!

Nope no boys! Just sick of the trashy dresses that say more about the moms of these girls than anything else. I guess you're one!

Please post a link to the dress your daughter is wearing or has worn. We'll wait.

Laughing at you idiots that don't know you can find a dress that goes passed the vagina and not end at the ankles. What's wrong with you?

So you don't even have a dress, or a kid who needs one. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has several good friends who all want in their Hoco group. But there is one mean girl who doesn’t and she is the queen bee. The other girls are afraid to stand up to her. That girl is a horrible person and so are her parents for being checked out, or worse, condoning her behavior.

Why do we pretend people like this don’t exist, or don’t behave this way intentionally?

Look at their moms. They're all on here advocating for exclusion.

+2 NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about she initiates, OP? It's a skill. A skill required that everyone needs to work on to improve.

DP here. Many of us have tried, repeatedly. The Queen Bee’s have such a death grip that the other kids are scared to defect from her group, even if they don’t like her.

I have not known many groups where there is a Queen Bee. Surely your daughter could find a different group.

Then you aren't paying attention or are very lucky. That' doesn't make your experience universal.

What is so hard about reminding kids to be inclusive? Why does that offend you so?

It doesn’t offend me but I don’t think it’s helpful. Everyone needs to find the place where they fit in. A pity invite doesn’t translate int friendship and frankly I think it’s kind of embarrassing. I can’t imagine kids actually accept them. And if they do I can’t imagine they actually have fun.

If kids are really struggling, they need to try some clubs, a church youth group, a sport or something where they can actually find their community.

Some kids have friends but not a group! Why is this so hard to understand? Not all kids are the same. My own DD's best friend didn't ask her what she was doing for HOCO last year; they simply did their own thing with different people because it was easier than initiating.

Then why don’t they ask their friends to go if they have friends. I really don’t get that. If it’s such a big deal that they would even want to go, they need to talk about it so people know they are interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about she initiates, OP? It's a skill. A skill required that everyone needs to work on to improve.

DP here. Many of us have tried, repeatedly. The Queen Bee’s have such a death grip that the other kids are scared to defect from her group, even if they don’t like her.

I have not known many groups where there is a Queen Bee. Surely your daughter could find a different group.

Then you aren't paying attention or are very lucky. That' doesn't make your experience universal.

What is so hard about reminding kids to be inclusive? Why does that offend you so?

It doesn’t offend me but I don’t think it’s helpful. Everyone needs to find the place where they fit in. A pity invite doesn’t translate int friendship and frankly I think it’s kind of embarrassing. I can’t imagine kids actually accept them. And if they do I can’t imagine they actually have fun.

If kids are really struggling, they need to try some clubs, a church youth group, a sport or something where they can actually find their community.

Some kids have friends but not a group! Why is this so hard to understand? Not all kids are the same. My own DD's best friend didn't ask her what she was doing for HOCO last year; they simply did their own thing with different people because it was easier than initiating.

Then why don’t they ask their friends to go if they have friends. I really don’t get that. If it’s such a big deal that they would even want to go, they need to talk about it so people know they are interested.

Other parents are the ones making things happen. Why didn't PP talk to her daughter and her best friend and try to work something out? The group thing takes parent initiative, maybe PP needs to be the parent to plan it so that her daughter is the one inviting people? Be the change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about she initiates, OP? It's a skill. A skill required that everyone needs to work on to improve.

DP here. Many of us have tried, repeatedly. The Queen Bee’s have such a death grip that the other kids are scared to defect from her group, even if they don’t like her.

I have not known many groups where there is a Queen Bee. Surely your daughter could find a different group.

Then you aren't paying attention or are very lucky. That' doesn't make your experience universal.

What is so hard about reminding kids to be inclusive? Why does that offend you so?

It doesn’t offend me but I don’t think it’s helpful. Everyone needs to find the place where they fit in. A pity invite doesn’t translate int friendship and frankly I think it’s kind of embarrassing. I can’t imagine kids actually accept them. And if they do I can’t imagine they actually have fun.

If kids are really struggling, they need to try some clubs, a church youth group, a sport or something where they can actually find their community.

Some kids have friends but not a group! Why is this so hard to understand? Not all kids are the same. My own DD's best friend didn't ask her what she was doing for HOCO last year; they simply did their own thing with different people because it was easier than initiating.

Then why don’t they ask their friends to go if they have friends. I really don’t get that. If it’s such a big deal that they would even want to go, they need to talk about it so people know they are interested.

Since you seem really dense, this is how those conversations go.

"Sarah, I'm looking for a group to go to homecoming with. Would you want to go in a group with me?"

"Sorry, I'm going with XYZ friends and the group is too big so we aren't letting anyone else join."

Where "too big" is code for someone in the group decided it was only for people she approved of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about she initiates, OP? It's a skill. A skill required that everyone needs to work on to improve.

DP here. Many of us have tried, repeatedly. The Queen Bee’s have such a death grip that the other kids are scared to defect from her group, even if they don’t like her.

I have not known many groups where there is a Queen Bee. Surely your daughter could find a different group.

Then you aren't paying attention or are very lucky. That' doesn't make your experience universal.

What is so hard about reminding kids to be inclusive? Why does that offend you so?

It doesn’t offend me but I don’t think it’s helpful. Everyone needs to find the place where they fit in. A pity invite doesn’t translate int friendship and frankly I think it’s kind of embarrassing. I can’t imagine kids actually accept them. And if they do I can’t imagine they actually have fun.

If kids are really struggling, they need to try some clubs, a church youth group, a sport or something where they can actually find their community.

Some kids have friends but not a group! Why is this so hard to understand? Not all kids are the same. My own DD's best friend didn't ask her what she was doing for HOCO last year; they simply did their own thing with different people because it was easier than initiating.

Then why don’t they ask their friends to go if they have friends. I really don’t get that. If it’s such a big deal that they would even want to go, they need to talk about it so people know they are interested.

Since you seem really dense, this is how those conversations go.

"Sarah, I'm looking for a group to go to homecoming with. Would you want to go in a group with me?"

"Sorry, I'm going with XYZ friends and the group is too big so we aren't letting anyone else join."

Where "too big" is code for someone in the group decided it was only for people she approved of.

DP. She’s only pretending to be THAT dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

Wow, really? My daughter is also very shy and gets left out of a lot of things even though she sits with the same group at lunch and they happily come over when she invites them. She's just quiet and they forget about her, so I would appreciate it if a mom was like "oh, what about E?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone explain why my post keeps getting deleted? All I said was land the helicopter. Help your daughter get a backbone and encourage her to be the one asking about plans rather than waiting to be asked.

And all we are saying is that it is ok to remind your kid to have some self-awareness as they make plans that their friend might need a hand in feeling included. Sheesh. Both can be true!

Who is we? And I’m sorry, but no. It’s not anyone’s job to make your daughter feel included. This is a you (or your daughter’s) problem.

This explains so much about teen girls, their mommies are huge B--ches.