PSA-Hoco season

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disclaimer: My kids don't go to a school with hoco I didn't attend such a school either. That aside, why do so many UMC parents try to relieve their own hoco through their children by planing these elaborate ceremonies? Renting a party bus??? Deciding whose house to meet at for pictures??? Excluding kids on purpose??? What do the adults get out of this?

They derive some social status via their kid or at least think they do. Many adults are very invested in their kid being “popular” or “cool” and really enjoy it when they are.

Agree. I think this is from women who peaked in high school devastated that they have a kid totally unlike them, or more like a Carrie revenge and they don’t want their kid to be an outsider like they were and are desperate for popularity. Just let the kids be themselves, they probably don’t care as much as the kids think they do. It’s social media driven.

I actually think it's moms of daughters who are likely in the spectrum and they have had a hard time accepting this. And now the difference between their daughters and their peers is more glaring. Otherwise I'm not understanding why a 14 year old is has friends but is unaware of their friend group these friends don't want to include them in activities and also their child cannot possibly be expected to initiate any plans for themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

Or you can accept that these girls don't want to be friends with your daughter. That your daughter isn't part of the ," in crowd" and help her target people who are real friends who will be happy to hang out with her and not conveniently " forget her" 14 year olds really don't need to be reminded by mom to invite so and so they know who they want to spend time with and it's not fun being the girl who got the pity invite. And no I'm not a mean girl mom. I was your daughter and life got so much better when I started trying to focus on the people who wanted to be around me. There's probably another girl or guy who's on the outskirts too maybe she should look for them.

+1 OP, you’re being ridiculous. It’s also ridiculous that you keep getting this deleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disclaimer: My kids don't go to a school with hoco I didn't attend such a school either. That aside, why do so many UMC parents try to relieve their own hoco through their children by planing these elaborate ceremonies? Renting a party bus??? Deciding whose house to meet at for pictures??? Excluding kids on purpose??? What do the adults get out of this?

They derive some social status via their kid or at least think they do. Many adults are very invested in their kid being “popular” or “cool” and really enjoy it when they are.

Agree. I think this is from women who peaked in high school devastated that they have a kid totally unlike them, or more like a Carrie revenge and they don’t want their kid to be an outsider like they were and are desperate for popularity. Just let the kids be themselves, they probably don’t care as much as the kids think they do. It’s social media driven.

I actually think it's moms of daughters who are likely in the spectrum and they have had a hard time accepting this. And now the difference between their daughters and their peers is more glaring. Otherwise I'm not understanding why a 14 year old is has friends but is unaware of their friend group these friends don't want to include them in activities and also their child cannot possibly be expected to initiate any plans for themselves

+1 very odd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This! I am appalled at how unkind so many of you are. And it isn't an issue of being "actual" friends or not, it is about not knowing how to navigate sensitive social waters. Hence the need for parental tips and tricks. Smh!

Part of social skills is knowing who your friends are and accepting some people don't want you around. Part of navigating social waters is advocating for yourself. Stop trying to parent other kids and focus on your own
Maybe if you had done better at this earlier your 14 year old could figure out how to make plans for a dance on her own.

+1 it’s so much easier to chide everyone else for not teaching their kids to be kind instead of teaching your own child assertiveness and social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This! I am appalled at how unkind so many of you are. And it isn't an issue of being "actual" friends or not, it is about not knowing how to navigate sensitive social waters. Hence the need for parental tips and tricks. Smh!

Part of social skills is knowing who your friends are and accepting some people don't want you around. Part of navigating social waters is advocating for yourself. Stop trying to parent other kids and focus on your own
Maybe if you had done better at this earlier your 14 year old could figure out how to make plans for a dance on her own.

+1 it’s so much easier to chide everyone else for not teaching their kids to be kind instead of teaching your own child assertiveness and social skills.

+1 my kids have been left out before. My 17 yr old DD still feels left out sometimes. They've had to figure it out. I have also told them that they should reach out to others who seem like they have no "group", but they didn't want to do that. So, then, they have to deal with it. No HSer wants their parent telling them whom to be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This! I am appalled at how unkind so many of you are. And it isn't an issue of being "actual" friends or not, it is about not knowing how to navigate sensitive social waters. Hence the need for parental tips and tricks. Smh!

Part of social skills is knowing who your friends are and accepting some people don't want you around. Part of navigating social waters is advocating for yourself. Stop trying to parent other kids and focus on your own
Maybe if you had done better at this earlier your 14 year old could figure out how to make plans for a dance on her own.

+1 it’s so much easier to chide everyone else for not teaching their kids to be kind instead of teaching your own child assertiveness and social skills.

I also wonder how did it get this bad? Were these girls ever pushed out of their comfort zone before high school? Sent to camps, involved in social activities, clubs, sports that required them to be around other kids and socialize? It does the kids no good to let them avoid hard things until the ripe age of 14 then expect other kids to do the heavy lifting for them. It's not easy or natural for everyone but they should have been working on their social skills all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This! I am appalled at how unkind so many of you are. And it isn't an issue of being "actual" friends or not, it is about not knowing how to navigate sensitive social waters. Hence the need for parental tips and tricks. Smh!

Part of social skills is knowing who your friends are and accepting some people don't want you around. Part of navigating social waters is advocating for yourself. Stop trying to parent other kids and focus on your own
Maybe if you had done better at this earlier your 14 year old could figure out how to make plans for a dance on her own.

I get the feeling some of the "please be kind and inclusive" moms were the same moms engineering all their child's friendships in elementary school, including some and excluding others to curate the perfect circle of friends for little snookums. And now their kids don't have enough experience with failure and rejection so they can't deal with hoco drama in a healthy way.

[Anonymous]

You should work on helping her build up the courage to ask to join these kids. My son asked a friend last year if he could join a group going to homecoming, and it worked out fine. The rest of the boys going had been friends since elementary, but my son is friends with them as well, just not as close of friends. They went to the dance, had a good time, and that was that.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has not yet been left out of any plans, that you know of, but you are so anxious about her possibly being left out that you post a PSA on DCUM? Look, I 100 percent hope that your daughter's Hoco plans fall into place the way she wants, but you being this anxious and hovering about it can't be helping her feel okay about the situation and her own ability to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should work on helping her build up the courage to ask to join these kids. My son asked a friend last year if he could join a group going to homecoming, and it worked out fine. The rest of the boys going had been friends since elementary, but my son is friends with them as well, just not as close of friends. They went to the dance, had a good time, and that was that.

I have a boy and girl. Girls are cattier and meaner, and more prone to say no.

[Anonymous]

You should work on helping her build up the courage to ask to join these kids. My son asked a friend last year if he could join a group going to homecoming, and it worked out fine. The rest of the boys going had been friends since elementary, but my son is friends with them as well, just not as close of friends. They went to the dance, had a good time, and that was that.

I have a boy and girl. Girls are cattier and meaner, and more prone to say no.

Could be, but then what is your proposed solution if not giving it a shot and asking? Like anything else, you don't ask, you don't get, you ask, there's a chance you will get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disclaimer: My kids don't go to a school with hoco I didn't attend such a school either. That aside, why do so many UMC parents try to relieve their own hoco through their children by planing these elaborate ceremonies? Renting a party bus??? Deciding whose house to meet at for pictures??? Excluding kids on purpose??? What do the adults get out of this?

They derive some social status via their kid or at least think they do. Many adults are very invested in their kid being “popular” or “cool” and really enjoy it when they are.

Agree. I think this is from women who peaked in high school devastated that they have a kid totally unlike them, or more like a Carrie revenge and they don’t want their kid to be an outsider like they were and are desperate for popularity. Just let the kids be themselves, they probably don’t care as much as the kids think they do. It’s social media driven.

I actually think it's moms of daughters who are likely in the spectrum and they have had a hard time accepting this. And now the difference between their daughters and their peers is more glaring. Otherwise I'm not understanding why a 14 year old is has friends but is unaware of their friend group these friends don't want to include them in activities and also their child cannot possibly be expected to initiate any plans for themselves

What about your post are you proud of? Also you sound super out of touch. Kids on the spectrum are cool now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disclaimer: My kids don't go to a school with hoco I didn't attend such a school either. That aside, why do so many UMC parents try to relieve their own hoco through their children by planing these elaborate ceremonies? Renting a party bus??? Deciding whose house to meet at for pictures??? Excluding kids on purpose??? What do the adults get out of this?

They derive some social status via their kid or at least think they do. Many adults are very invested in their kid being “popular” or “cool” and really enjoy it when they are.

Agree. I think this is from women who peaked in high school devastated that they have a kid totally unlike them, or more like a Carrie revenge and they don’t want their kid to be an outsider like they were and are desperate for popularity. Just let the kids be themselves, they probably don’t care as much as the kids think they do. It’s social media driven.

I actually think it's moms of daughters who are likely in the spectrum and they have had a hard time accepting this. And now the difference between their daughters and their peers is more glaring. Otherwise I'm not understanding why a 14 year old is has friends but is unaware of their friend group these friends don't want to include them in activities and also their child cannot possibly be expected to initiate any plans for themselves

What about your post are you proud of? Also you sound super out of touch. Kids on the spectrum are cool now.

I honestly wonder if that poster is herself on the spectrum for how off-putting that post is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disclaimer: My kids don't go to a school with hoco I didn't attend such a school either. That aside, why do so many UMC parents try to relieve their own hoco through their children by planing these elaborate ceremonies? Renting a party bus??? Deciding whose house to meet at for pictures??? Excluding kids on purpose??? What do the adults get out of this?

They derive some social status via their kid or at least think they do. Many adults are very invested in their kid being “popular” or “cool” and really enjoy it when they are.

Agree. I think this is from women who peaked in high school devastated that they have a kid totally unlike them, or more like a Carrie revenge and they don’t want their kid to be an outsider like they were and are desperate for popularity. Just let the kids be themselves, they probably don’t care as much as the kids think they do. It’s social media driven.

I actually think it's moms of daughters who are likely in the spectrum and they have had a hard time accepting this. And now the difference between their daughters and their peers is more glaring. Otherwise I'm not understanding why a 14 year old is has friends but is unaware of their friend group these friends don't want to include them in activities and also their child cannot possibly be expected to initiate any plans for themselves

What about your post are you proud of? Also you sound super out of touch. Kids on the spectrum are cool now.

I honestly wonder if that poster is herself on the spectrum for how off-putting that post is.

Please stop sock puppeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should work on helping her build up the courage to ask to join these kids. My son asked a friend last year if he could join a group going to homecoming, and it worked out fine. The rest of the boys going had been friends since elementary, but my son is friends with them as well, just not as close of friends. They went to the dance, had a good time, and that was that.

I have a boy and girl. Girls are cattier and meaner, and more prone to say no.

It is often the case that the girls are actually planning, and the boys, not so much. And the girls' plans tend to be more elaborate. Like getting dressed together, which does not seem like a thing for boys. There are also logistical issues, such as how they're getting to wherever the pictures are being taken, and then to either school or to dinner.