Who regrets getting phone for their child at that 12-13 yr age and wishes they waited?

[Anonymous]

All the kids friends (going into 7th and 9th) have phones. We didn’t have a choice as it was a medical necessity but the phones have been very useful and give the girls more independence without worrying - including when they are home alone or out with friends. There are lots of things you can lock down and set time limits on.

[Anonymous]

I don’t regret it. I’m glad I gave her a very restricted phone. She hated it.
But I was curious why more parents weren’t.

So again, I don’t regret but I didn’t give her everything. At first I had to approve contact adding. She couldn’t receive texts from non-contacts. The phone had no social apps allowed, so she couldn’t even beg me (like she does now).

She didn’t have any web. Time restrictions. We could read all texts from our account, if we wanted.

All of these restrictions we gradually lifted. I would approve certain URLs for school, but no other web could be accessed. Now on her new phone, she has web and insta. Some time restrictions but they go later at night. She still has to keep her phone in our room at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

My 13 year old is in 8th and we don’t give her a cell phone with line. She has an iPad at home to draw and watch videos and it does allow her to join conversations via messages. When she is at school, she emails me with her school Chromebook. Whenever she might be at practice or out with friends, she has asked to use her friend or coach’s phone to call me to pickup or whatever. We will prob get her one when she goes into high school. But we’ve been able to avoided a full time phone for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

My 13 year old is in 8th and we don’t give her a cell phone with line. She has an iPad at home to draw and watch videos and it does allow her to join conversations via messages. When she is at school, she emails me with her school Chromebook. Whenever she might be at practice or out with friends, she has asked to use her friend or coach’s phone to call me to pickup or whatever. We will prob get her one when she goes into high school. But we’ve been able to avoided a full time phone for now.

This was us too, but we did get DS an Apple Watch with a line in 7th grade. She will probably get a phone in high school, but we are waiting as long as possible. Has been a great decision.

Even she admits (now) that she was not ready for a phone earlier and understands why we waited. She has observed some poor decisions of friends and school mates and felt relieved not to have been part of the drama (sharing photos and videos, specifically).

[Anonymous]

Our 10 year old has a smart watch and an iPad and our old phone wifi only. Wouldn't change it. They are locked down and I love the freedom it gives her. She stays home for a few hours by herself as needed. She really only FaceTimes family and Facebook messenger friends.
Our 13 year old has a phone and smart watch and iPad. He only texts friends, FaceTime family and calls and texts us. So great for independence and practices late night. He goes to friends houses a lot and it is great to stay in touch. His friends come over a lot and all have phones but don't really use them when they are around. Mostly play soccer or video games or do magic tricks.

[Anonymous]

We are strict with tech, but I do think kids deserve a way to chat and text with friends. I just got my 11 year old (entering 6th) an icloud account this week. Her friends are constantly calling and texting me to talk to her, which is cute that they're not embarrassed, but extremely annoying since I'm at work all day. She can use my old ipad (wifi only) while at home to facteime and text with friends.

You also know your child. My older is 13 and maybe uses her phone 10 minutes per week - we got her a phone a year earlier than planned (at 12), because we wanted her to be more connected to peers instead of less, but alas. She is a total luddite. 11 yo is a lot more social and extroverted and would constantly be on a phone if given the option. So we may try to wait till 13 or get her an Apple Watch, but we also have learned to not be rigid about it. We still keep things like web browsing, you tube, etc. limited to the family laptop only, at the dining table/breakfast bar. I think the most problematic aspects of phones are the unfettered internet/ social media access and/or late night use of screens, which I don't understand why parents allow.

[Anonymous]

For those of you whose middle school aged kids or older don't have phones - do you still have a landline? We don’t have a landline nor do most people we know - in the last kids would still have had phone access at home without a cell phone but now cell phones are our only phones. I wouldn’t be comfortable with kids being home alone without any phone or means of communication. In the past there was always a phone available. Now you need a cell phone at home to achieve the same thing.

Also since no one really uses landlines anymore, kids don’t know phone numbers. They know a couple but they don’t know most numbers, if they were out somewhere and needed help and asked a stranger to use their phone, they wouldn’t have that many people to try to call.

The world is different than it was 20 years ago. Communication technology is different and that means we can’t do things the same way we did before. There aren’t many public phone booths/ pay phones, people don’t have landlines or home phones, phone numbers aren’t readily available (no phone book).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you whose middle school aged kids or older don't have phones - do you still have a landline? We don’t have a landline nor do most people we know - in the last kids would still have had phone access at home without a cell phone but now cell phones are our only phones. I wouldn’t be comfortable with kids being home alone without any phone or means of communication. In the past there was always a phone available. Now you need a cell phone at home to achieve the same thing.

Also since no one really uses landlines anymore, kids don’t know phone numbers. They know a couple but they don’t know most numbers, if they were out somewhere and needed help and asked a stranger to use their phone, they wouldn’t have that many people to try to call.

The world is different than it was 20 years ago. Communication technology is different and that means we can’t do things the same way we did before. There aren’t many public phone booths/ pay phones, people don’t have landlines or home phones, phone numbers aren’t readily available (no phone book).

We had a landline before our child got a watch. She has important numbers memorized though (parents, grandparents, neighbors etc )

[Anonymous]

Anyone heard of the tin can phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering MS starts at 8:50 and let’s out around 4:00 we let ours have one in 6th. Pay-phones don’t exist, front offices won’t tolerate long lines of kids waiting for the school phone, etc.

Add- mom/dad I want to leave this birthday party/school event/the place is closed unexpectedly. There are not public phones anymore. You don’t have to go full access but they need a way to reach you.

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This is a really important point. When I was a kid, I could just pop a quarter I could just stick a quarter in a payphone and let my mom know where I was or if I needed her to pick me up. Kids can't do that anymore. Sure, they can borrow a friend's phone, but I decided I didn't want my kid to be dependent on someone else and got her an Apple Watch in 6th. She'll get a phone when she asks for one - hopefully not 'til 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you whose middle school aged kids or older don't have phones - do you still have a landline? We don’t have a landline nor do most people we know - in the last kids would still have had phone access at home without a cell phone but now cell phones are our only phones. I wouldn’t be comfortable with kids being home alone without any phone or means of communication. In the past there was always a phone available. Now you need a cell phone at home to achieve the same thing.

Also since no one really uses landlines anymore, kids don’t know phone numbers. They know a couple but they don’t know most numbers, if they were out somewhere and needed help and asked a stranger to use their phone, they wouldn’t have that many people to try to call.

The world is different than it was 20 years ago. Communication technology is different and that means we can’t do things the same way we did before. There aren’t many public phone booths/ pay phones, people don’t have landlines or home phones, phone numbers aren’t readily available (no phone book).

Yes, we have one.

[Anonymous]

My kid got one when he was nearly 13 and starting a longer commute to a new middle school. I regret it, even though we got him a cheapy flip phone that wasn't great for surfing/had an operating system not supported by lots of apps.

Mobile phone devices are addictive. I'm at least glad we didn't get him an iphone or something that's easy to use.

[Anonymous]

Age 12 was the perfect age for the cell phone. No regrets at all. They learned how to navigate it, limit it, and communicate with it. Their teachers even used them on field trips for communication at Hershey Park! The kids learn how to group chat and stay up with one another. It’s been a great social tool. They are learning independence and how to deal with social interactions. You can coach them and offer pointers. You are still watching over them and guiding them but slowly loosening the reins in middle school. They also enjoy the camera, the apps, the internet, etc. They also learn how to limit it and balance the academics. They don’t take them to school since the policy is Away for the Day.

[Anonymous]

We got our 13YO/rising 8th grader a phone earlier this summer. So far no regrets. They already had a watch and ipad so its not a big change. They do not have access to social media including snap chat. They still have 1 or 2 friends without phones but that's a small minority. Our philosophy has been to slowly introduce technology with increasing responsibilities. So far they have been very responsible. They're more of a lurker on big group text chains which is where a lot of the drama seems to develop.

[Anonymous]

My 7th grader has an Apple Watch with cell service so he can call or text us and his friends. It's also been useful since he rides public transportation to school. He doesn't have a phone and hasn't really asked for one, but that's probably because there is a decent-sized cohort of 7th graders at his school that still don't have phones. He doesn't feel like the only person without one.