Who regrets getting phone for their child at that 12-13 yr age and wishes they waited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

Not all strangers are good people. He got lucky.

AMEN

Most people are good people. Why bring a child into the world if you believe otherwise?

Perhaps you believe your people will be good people. Perhaps you know that without family, old age is tough - who will make decisions for you when you can't? Perhaps you are from a culture where your children will look after you in old age.

We know that individuals change with the system. When the economy is tough, people become less socially agreeable. They start looking out for themselves and are happy to step on others. We know that cell phones make people less extraverted and more neurotic. What you believe has nothing to do with the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all do. There are no reasons to have a smart phone except those that are created by corporations (like Spotify) to suck money out of your pocket.

Spotify is really the app you're worried about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all do. There are no reasons to have a smart phone except those that are created by corporations (like Spotify) to suck money out of your pocket.

Spotify is really the app you're worried about?

Not me! But the pp said, "my kid needs a phone so they can listen to spotify!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all do. There are no reasons to have a smart phone except those that are created by corporations (like Spotify) to suck money out of your pocket.

Spotify is really the app you're worried about?

Not me! But the pp said, "my kid needs a phone so they can listen to spotify!"

Yup. That's important to her and I'm fine with her listening to music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood was amazing - lots of kids running around outside and this one boy, clearly the leader of the group, always building something, experimenting (he built an entire 2 story Igloo when it snowed!). At the beginning of the summer, his parents said they were getting him a phone for his birthday. He's 12 or 13 - one day at the beginning of July, literally overnight, the whole neighborhood vibe changed. Kids stopped hanging out, I rarely saw this kid. He has been inside on his phone since he got it.

They just got older. My teens aren’t playing in the yard the same as when they were little. They are still outside plenty but now they walk or ride bikes miles into town to go to places, the bike trail to all sorts of places, other friends houses that lived miles away, stores and restaurants, etc. This is why you don’t see them when they get older. It is not always because of phones.

[Anonymous]

Got DD a phone @ 13 1/2. Child walks to school and takes public transit to meet friends and so the tracking feature is nice. We are in DC and more and more places no longer take cash so we got her a junior checking account through our bank and integrated onto phone, with monthly spending limits for her. Metro card saved on the phone as well.

DD had access to ipad sometimes since the beginning of middle school and it seemed like next logical step in granting her independence and also teaching her money management skills.

We do have limits on apps and allowable screen time imposed with the phone is charged at night in our room.

DD has had weeks away from screens this summer with no issue.

After 7th grade seemed like the right time for our child based on her maturity and track record using other technology.

[Anonymous]

With teens in HS I don’t see any difference between the kids who go it in 6th and the kids who got it in 8th or 9th. Plus most of the kids who didn’t get a phone still had an iPad with iMessage and some of the apps, etc.

In fact some of the parents who “waited” until HS, then let their kids have ALL the apps. We gave our kids phones in MS, but still restrict which apps they can have, as well as screentime and downtime even in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With teens in HS I don’t see any difference between the kids who go it in 6th and the kids who got it in 8th or 9th. Plus most of the kids who didn’t get a phone still had an iPad with iMessage and some of the apps, etc.

In fact some of the parents who “waited” until HS, then let their kids have ALL the apps. We gave our kids phones in MS, but still restrict which apps they can have, as well as screentime and downtime even in HS.

I didn't see a difference either between kids who got it earlier or later. But the latter parents got to be a lot more sanctimonious.

Seriously, this is one of those parenting things (like nanny vs daycare) that probably matters less than you think. Just do what you feel comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

There is a boy in a Detroit suburb who missed the bus and then got lost when he tried to walk to the school (his parents were already gone to work). So he knocked on a door of a house that had a neighborhood watch sticker. Racist home owner answered the door, then pulled a gun and started shooting when he saw the kids was black.

My kids have had simple phones since middle school. Upgraded in high school. I ALWAYS want them to be able to reach me once they were no longer is care of a trusted adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood was amazing - lots of kids running around outside and this one boy, clearly the leader of the group, always building something, experimenting (he built an entire 2 story Igloo when it snowed!). At the beginning of the summer, his parents said they were getting him a phone for his birthday. He's 12 or 13 - one day at the beginning of July, literally overnight, the whole neighborhood vibe changed. Kids stopped hanging out, I rarely saw this kid. He has been inside on his phone since he got it.

At only 12 and 13?? That's a shame, still too young for that. Kids really are growing up quicker.

[Anonymous]

Considering MS starts at 8:50 and let’s out around 4:00 we let ours have one in 6th. Pay-phones don’t exist, front offices won’t tolerate long lines of kids waiting for the school phone, etc.

Add- mom/dad I want to leave this birthday party/school event/the place is closed unexpectedly. There are not public phones anymore. You don’t have to go full access but they need a way to reach you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my kid (at 11) that they had to create an app and get it accepted into the Apple Store before they got a phone. This does require they have an Apple developer account (like $100 per year) and access to a Mac.

It provided them with a more in depth understanding of how Apple uses data as well as how the popular apps manipulate users through their algorithms.

It also gave them incentive to learn a useful skill for a good 6 months.

JFC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood was amazing - lots of kids running around outside and this one boy, clearly the leader of the group, always building something, experimenting (he built an entire 2 story Igloo when it snowed!). At the beginning of the summer, his parents said they were getting him a phone for his birthday. He's 12 or 13 - one day at the beginning of July, literally overnight, the whole neighborhood vibe changed. Kids stopped hanging out, I rarely saw this kid. He has been inside on his phone since he got it.

At only 12 and 13?? That's a shame, still too young for that. Kids really are growing up quicker.

Didn’t happen. 1 kid getting a phone did not flip the neighborhood culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

Not all strangers are good people. He got lucky.

He did not get lucky. The vast, vast majority of strangers are good people. If you worry about strangers, then teach your kids to look for a "mom" if they are in need of help. (Because, you know... of the small minority of bad people, the vast majority of those are male.)

I am a high school teacher, and I hate cell phones. I often show my students how to look up their time spent (wasted, imo) in their phones. My students genuinely seem shocked at their hours per day.

I have a 16 year old and a 20 year old. Both of them got cell phones on their 14th birthdays, which was in the summer before starting HS. We said no social media until they were/are 17. We've talked a lot about people being phone zombies, etc and put a 1-2 hour usage per day limit on the phones (my husband and i also follow the usage limit). I think it helps that they are 1) male and 2) very, very into competitive sports. Obviously, my college student makes his own phone "rules" at this point. But it is easy to see that he doesn't use his phone that much (because he didn't get addicted at a young age, imo).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my kid (at 11) that they had to create an app and get it accepted into the Apple Store before they got a phone. This does require they have an Apple developer account (like $100 per year) and access to a Mac.

It provided them with a more in depth understanding of how Apple uses data as well as how the popular apps manipulate users through their algorithms.

It also gave them incentive to learn a useful skill for a good 6 months.

JFC

What’s the complaint? They did it and have gone on to create 5 more and now have one that is bringing in around $500 per month.