Who regrets getting phone for their child at that 12-13 yr age and wishes they waited?

[Anonymous]

Daughter is feeling very left out in our community given she is practically the only one that doesn’t have a cell phone yet. I’ve witnessed this and it is annoying. I want to hold out as long as possible, but I want to be practical and realistic. I’m terrified of giving my youngster a cell phone. What are some of the lessons you have learned? Any regrets on not waiting a little bit longer? Who waited a little bit longer and everything worked out? I know this is silly to yield to a need of a 12-year-old but I would hate for her to resent us in someway when she becomes an adult.

[Anonymous]

From my older sister’s experience. Her daughter was not allowed to get a phone until she was 14. Turns out she’s had burner phones since she was 12. Whenever a new iPhone came out and her friends got the new one, they would give her their old one. The thing about iPhones is that you don’t need a cell service for apps, imessage and FaceTime etc. You just need WiFi and an appleID. So for two years my niece had unrestricted cell phone use because her parents didn’t even know she had a phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my older sister’s experience. Her daughter was not allowed to get a phone until she was 14. Turns out she’s had burner phones since she was 12. Whenever a new iPhone came out and her friends got the new one, they would give her their old one. The thing about iPhones is that you don’t need a cell service for apps, imessage and FaceTime etc. You just need WiFi and an appleID. So for two years my niece had unrestricted cell phone use because her parents didn’t even know she had a phone

I know of a similar story. Parents only found out when they had unrelated router trouble, and came across the list of devices connected to their home WiFi, and one item was titled something like, Lucy’s iPhone.

[Anonymous]

I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

I thought this story was going to end with him pedaling off with your phone.

I would have called for him.

[Anonymous]

I have a 13yo DD and we got her a phone the summer before MS.
No regrets in 6th grade at all. I like that u csn track where she is, allows me to give her more freedom.
The struggle i’m having now is that I occasionally check her texts, ( she doesn’t know) and I’m seeing things that concern me. She told several friends in the last few weeks she has a boyfriend which she doesn’t. Made up situations with non existant boyfriend to tell friends.
Today a friend sent her a video of herself vaping , she stole it from her dad, and my kid is saying “ save some for me”
She’s a good kid so I’m not sure where this is coming from
I’ve decided tomorrow morning I’m gonna spot check her phone and we’re gonna have a big come to Jesus conversation.
If there was no phone this wouldn’t be happening.
It’s a trade off for the benefits though….. sigh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

My kids are fine talking to strangers. They are super polite and thankful. Those skills have nothing to do with whether they have a phone.

They are also able to use navigational tools to find their way home from places, so they don't need to be picked up.

I had specific reasons for giving my kids phones. It's been fine, but I'm not sure I would have taken the risk of getting them one if I hadn't had those specific circumstances. However, being able to problem solve how to get home when lost is a big plus to having a phone.

[Anonymous]

You could get a Lightphone. No social media.

[Anonymous]

Why not a smartwatch? Talk and text but no apps, seems like a nice compromise.

[Anonymous]

I hate smart watches- they are always on, and it’s hard to ignore the always there notifications. They are also much harder for teachers to police. Phones are so much easier to put away!

We gave our kids a phone before 7th and have no regrets. But we have them very locked down (no safari, no downloading apps). Once they got to high school we loosened things up.

We have always said that their texts are fair game and they shouldn’t be texting stuff they don’t want their parents to read. (Anyone can screenshot anything and send it to anyone. They are not private). So we do check those intermittently.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has an Apple Watch and that seems to be a good compromise. She can still text with friends and make plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate smart watches- they are always on, and it’s hard to ignore the always there notifications. They are also much harder for teachers to police. Phones are so much easier to put away!

We gave our kids a phone before 7th and have no regrets. But we have them very locked down (no safari, no downloading apps). Once they got to high school we loosened things up.

We have always said that their texts are fair game and they shouldn’t be texting stuff they don’t want their parents to read. (Anyone can screenshot anything and send it to anyone. They are not private). So we do check those intermittently.

We put our daughter's watch in "Schooltime" mode during the day and she sets it to charge in the kitchen after she gets home, has never been an issue.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old got hers on her 13th bday and was the last one of her friends to get one. I think it’s worked out well. We have restrictions on there but loosen them when we think she has earned it. For instance she just asked and got door dash. She is going to find out quickly that’s an easy way to spend a lot of money but it’s a lesson she will learn at some point. I am glad she has more freedom and also enjoy knowing where she is and how to get ahold of her easily. It hasn’t been the horror show I imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 13yo DD and we got her a phone the summer before MS.
No regrets in 6th grade at all. I like that u csn track where she is, allows me to give her more freedom.
The struggle i’m having now is that I occasionally check her texts, ( she doesn’t know) and I’m seeing things that concern me. She told several friends in the last few weeks she has a boyfriend which she doesn’t. Made up situations with non existant boyfriend to tell friends.
Today a friend sent her a video of herself vaping , she stole it from her dad, and my kid is saying “ save some for me”
She’s a good kid so I’m not sure where this is coming from
I’ve decided tomorrow morning I’m gonna spot check her phone and we’re gonna have a big come to Jesus conversation.
If there was no phone this wouldn’t be happening.
It’s a trade off for the benefits though….. sigh

Do you mean the conversation wouldn’t be happening without the phone or the actions? Even if she didn’t have a phone she could tell stories about a non existent boyfriend or comments about vaping, you just wouldn’t know about them.

[Anonymous]

Get her a phone, monitor it and only give it at certain times.