Who regrets getting phone for their child at that 12-13 yr age and wishes they waited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

Not all strangers are good people. He got lucky.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe with all the data and social science we have in front of us now people are still considering and defending getting kids this young phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

Not all strangers are good people. He got lucky.

AMEN

[Anonymous]

My kid had one at 5 due to an unstable Dad situation.

[Anonymous]

My eldest is 12 and keeps complaining too, but no way. I said it’s not my job for the kids to like me, it’s my job to make the best decisions and keep them safe and healthy. And that’s what I’m doing. And when they have kids of their own, they’ll understand exactly what I’m doing and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 13yo DD and we got her a phone the summer before MS.
No regrets in 6th grade at all. I like that u csn track where she is, allows me to give her more freedom.
The struggle i’m having now is that I occasionally check her texts, ( she doesn’t know) and I’m seeing things that concern me. She told several friends in the last few weeks she has a boyfriend which she doesn’t. Made up situations with non existant boyfriend to tell friends.
Today a friend sent her a video of herself vaping , she stole it from her dad, and my kid is saying “ save some for me”
She’s a good kid so I’m not sure where this is coming from
I’ve decided tomorrow morning I’m gonna spot check her phone and we’re gonna have a big come to Jesus conversation.
If there was no phone this wouldn’t be happening.
It’s a trade off for the benefits though….. sigh

The boyfriend thing is old. She would just talk about it in person. Never mind the phone you could try to work on that without making her feel bad.

[Anonymous]

We waited til 8th for our kids. They were both one of the last if not the last one to get a phone but they survived. Before that, they texted friends with their iPads over WiFi at home.

[Anonymous]

My younger daughter got her sisters old iPhone at 11, but we didn’t let her have it all the time. She’s now 13. I thought it was important for her not to feel excluded… and then text groups became a way for her so called friends to exclude her. She would be in the group, then all of a sudden they’d start a new group and leave her out. They’d send her snaps while hanging out with each other and make it clear she wasn’t invited. It was painful. She has ended up self regulating her time on the phone this summer to under 15 mins some days and even asked me to take her phone away at times.

[Anonymous]

Towards the end of the second page and no one who meets the title criteria (regrets getting their 12/13 year old a phone) has replied.

[Anonymous]

We regret it.

Phones are unbelievably toxic and they have done so much damage to this generation. Wish we had waited until 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Towards the end of the second page and no one who meets the title criteria (regrets getting their 12/13 year old a phone) has replied.

confessing regret means publicly admitting you made a mistake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe with all the data and social science we have in front of us now people are still considering and defending getting kids this young phones.

Same. But I think people are unwilling or unable to connect their problems (and their kid’s problems) with phones/SM.

[Anonymous]

I was just talking to a friend recently that regrets getting her child (12) an iPhone and is strongly considering taking it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 13yo DD and we got her a phone the summer before MS.
No regrets in 6th grade at all. I like that u csn track where she is, allows me to give her more freedom.
The struggle i’m having now is that I occasionally check her texts, ( she doesn’t know) and I’m seeing things that concern me. She told several friends in the last few weeks she has a boyfriend which she doesn’t. Made up situations with non existant boyfriend to tell friends.
Today a friend sent her a video of herself vaping , she stole it from her dad, and my kid is saying “ save some for me”
She’s a good kid so I’m not sure where this is coming from
I’ve decided tomorrow morning I’m gonna spot check her phone and we’re gonna have a big come to Jesus conversation.
If there was no phone this wouldn’t be happening.
It’s a trade off for the benefits though….. sigh

Because no middle schooler ever smoked or made up a boyfriend or other things to make them seem cooler to their friends before cell phones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe with all the data and social science we have in front of us now people are still considering and defending getting kids this young phones.

+1! OP, no one is going to admit regret personally. But the evidence is clear and the damage is longterm.