Who regrets getting phone for their child at that 12-13 yr age and wishes they waited?

[Anonymous]

Give her the phone and monitor it. Get her agreement to all the terms BEFORE agreeing to give her a phone.

We waited and it really hampered DC socially. Some kids can manage that disadvantage better than others but when everyone else has a phone, you get left out.

Phones are horrible but if she’s really the only one, social isolation at that age is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

Not all strangers are good people. He got lucky.

AMEN

If I were the boys mom, I would then realize it was time for a phone. My kids are older so I know things have changed, but when my kids got to the point where they were not always with an adult supervising (like riding a bike far enough that one could get lost), they got phones. That was during 8th grade. At the time is was just a brick phone for texting and smart phones came a bit later.

[Anonymous]

I have 18-year-old twins. Both got phones at the start of middle school.

I regret doing it at that age big time. But, here's the thing. It was a problem for one, not the other. It's one boy and one girl, and it was the girl for whom it was a problem.

So, you can argue it's kid specific, but like with other things in life, you don't know until you do it. One had the maturity to regulate, one did not. One had the ability to put it down when it was time to focus on schoolwork, etc., one did not.

That said, the things you bring up WOULD be happening without a phone. They are standard stupid tween things. The phone is how it's communicated now a days, but that stuff was happening when we were kids too, and there is a very think argument that the phone has made you aware in a way that you would not be if she did not have it. That doesn't mean the phone is a good thing, but don't blame the phone. Also don't blame yourself. Tweens and teens, and especially girls, are on the whole very insecure. They do anything, including stupid things (vaping, lying) to fit in. It's an awful phase, but it does pass.

[Anonymous]

We got the kids “dumb” phones in 6th grade. Basic flip phones. DS got a smart phone when he was 13. We will not get DD a smart phone before Highschool. The only thing they “need” a phone for in middle school is for calling and light texting. It is too much of a temptation and distraction. And it is a lot of work on us to monitor, set limits, etc. Delay as much as possible. You won’t regret delaying…

[Anonymous]

I told my kid (at 11) that they had to create an app and get it accepted into the Apple Store before they got a phone. This does require they have an Apple developer account (like $100 per year) and access to a Mac.

It provided them with a more in depth understanding of how Apple uses data as well as how the popular apps manipulate users through their algorithms.

It also gave them incentive to learn a useful skill for a good 6 months.

[Anonymous]

My kids each got phones at the end of 5th grade. They were our old iPhones, passed down to the youngest kid. They started out with the strictest of restrictions and we slowly let up over the years, letting them have more and more as appropriate. They are 15 and 17 now and no regrets.

I don’t even track my 17 yo now. He just asked me to put Life360 on for driving, since he thinks it will build trust more when he’s out with his friends to prove he’s never speeding, etc. I agreed because it’s what he wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my older sister’s experience. Her daughter was not allowed to get a phone until she was 14. Turns out she’s had burner phones since she was 12. Whenever a new iPhone came out and her friends got the new one, they would give her their old one. The thing about iPhones is that you don’t need a cell service for apps, imessage and FaceTime etc. You just need WiFi and an appleID. So for two years my niece had unrestricted cell phone use because her parents didn’t even know she had a phone

I know of a similar story. Parents only found out when they had unrelated router trouble, and came across the list of devices connected to their home WiFi, and one item was titled something like, Lucy’s iPhone.

This is common. Now that schools have ban phones, many students turn in their restricted phone and keep their burner. Kids have no filters and openly talk. -HS teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe with all the data and social science we have in front of us now people are still considering and defending getting kids this young phones.

NP. Thank you.

Throughout the Biden years, more the 1/2 the US states joined lawsuits against social phone media companies. Just 2 simple facts are the basis for these ongoing lawsuits against smartphones for youth:

1) social media is known to be harmful to young people, and

2) social media is made intentionally addictive.

Look, Google it. The lawsuits are still going on. Entire states are plaintiffs.

What sane parent could know this and still give their child a phone before 14?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe with all the data and social science we have in front of us now people are still considering and defending getting kids this young phones.

NP. Thank you.

Throughout the Biden years, more the 1/2 the US states joined lawsuits against social phone media companies. Just 2 simple facts are the basis for these ongoing lawsuits against smartphones for youth:

1) social media is known to be harmful to young people, and

2) social media is made intentionally addictive.

Look, Google it. The lawsuits are still going on. Entire states are plaintiffs.

What sane parent could know this and still give their child a phone before 14?

There’s a difference between social media and having a phone.

[Anonymous]

Read Anxious Generation to arm yourself with information from the data and research, and then decide. You can always get her an Apple watch to communicate, which avoids the majority of harmful pitfalls of a smartphone for tweens and young teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got the kids “dumb” phones in 6th grade. Basic flip phones. DS got a smart phone when he was 13. We will not get DD a smart phone before Highschool. The only thing they “need” a phone for in middle school is for calling and light texting. It is too much of a temptation and distraction. And it is a lot of work on us to monitor, set limits, etc. Delay as much as possible. You won’t regret delaying…

There are reasons to have a smart phone. Our kid uses hers to listen to Spotify when she goes running. She accesses the family Google calendar and adds her things. She uses Google maps to bike to friends houses. She also likes to be able to take photos, like every other person these days.

We got her a Pinwheel phone so it only has those parent-approved apps, plus texting to approved contacts. I can see her texts on my phone. We also set time limits and have her phone off during the school day. No social media, YouTube, or Internet.

No regrets. It's given her a lot more freedom to ride her bike to various places and take responsibility for her own schedule (see Google calendar access).

[Anonymous]

We all do. There are no reasons to have a smart phone except those that are created by corporations (like Spotify) to suck money out of your pocket.

[Anonymous]

My neighborhood was amazing - lots of kids running around outside and this one boy, clearly the leader of the group, always building something, experimenting (he built an entire 2 story Igloo when it snowed!). At the beginning of the summer, his parents said they were getting him a phone for his birthday. He's 12 or 13 - one day at the beginning of July, literally overnight, the whole neighborhood vibe changed. Kids stopped hanging out, I rarely saw this kid. He has been inside on his phone since he got it.

[Anonymous]

My neighborhood was amazing - lots of kids running around outside and this one boy, clearly the leader of the group, always building something, experimenting (he built an entire 2 story Igloo when it snowed!). At the beginning of the summer, his parents said they were getting him a phone for his birthday. He's 12 or 13 - one day at the beginning of July, literally overnight, the whole neighborhood vibe changed. Kids stopped hanging out, I rarely saw this kid. He has been inside on his phone since he got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up.

I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone.

Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills that kids should be developing.

Not all strangers are good people. He got lucky.

AMEN

Most people are good people. Why bring a child into the world if you believe otherwise?