If you punish your kid by not letting them attend a play date or birthday party, does it hurt the other kid more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy. I've never needed to cancel an appointment or agreement with someone to discipline my kid. And there is no way the event that you cancelled to discipline had anything to do with the bad behavior so it's teaching the wrong lesson.

You are also acknowledging that the event was fun and generous of another family by using it as the discipline tool to miss and that you don't care about their generosity.

kind and generous families don't judge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were on the receiving end of this and I agree it’s rude. In our case it was a birthday party before we moved away, so it would have been the last time the kids got to see each other. It was years ago, and I still think it was not okay.

If you don’t have a way to discipline your child without resorting to keeping them from going to a random party, you’re doing it wrong. How would you have disciplined the child if there wasn’t a party? Why not do that instead?

This. Discipline in the same way without going against a commitment. No one is saying you should cut people off for this bad behavior but you dont need to get your hopes up this family is going to make your kid or their committments a top priority either.

don't think anyone but you thinks their kid should be other's top priority.

[Anonymous]

My son had a friend whose mom's solution was to ask us to implement the consequence at our house. Like "Hey, Larlo is so excited for today, but he didn't turn in his homework so he is not allowed on any screens or sweets while he is here." I was caught off guard so I said ok, but then my kid was disappointed because Larlo was a bit much to take and one thing they both enjoyed was videogames and popsicles.

That was just one of many reasons we basically stopped hosting Larlo at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

Someone who has to discipline in this way has no business handing out parenting or etiquette advice.

People who think they have the authority on how to discipline everyone ele's children don't deserve friends, and in reality probably have few friends which is probably why they are so rigid with party attendance because thank s to them their child has no one who wants to spend time with them so they cling like baranacles to the one chold who is nice enough to play with their child.

Look this is the last time I’m going to post on this thread because you are clearly shocked to find out that you have been alienating people because your child’s friends have been polite enough to your face that you didn’t figure out how rude your practices are.

You can think it’s the absolute best practice in the world! That’s your right. But what you can’t do is make me want to associate with *you the parent* in the future because you believe in behaving in a way I don’t want to deal with. It has nothing to do with your kid, so if my kid sees yours at school or at mutual acquaintance’s house that’s fine!

My kids have plenty of friends and if they invited your child to a playdate or a party, that’s a spot they could have given to another friend, and that’s what we’ll do next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had a friend whose mom's solution was to ask us to implement the consequence at our house. Like "Hey, Larlo is so excited for today, but he didn't turn in his homework so he is not allowed on any screens or sweets while he is here." I was caught off guard so I said ok, but then my kid was disappointed because Larlo was a bit much to take and one thing they both enjoyed was videogames and popsicles.

That was just one of many reasons we basically stopped hosting Larlo at our house.

Wow, that’s actually really crazy. I have not experienced that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

Someone who has to discipline in this way has no business handing out parenting or etiquette advice.

People who think they have the authority on how to discipline everyone ele's children don't deserve friends, and in reality probably have few friends which is probably why they are so rigid with party attendance because thank s to them their child has no one who wants to spend time with them so they cling like baranacles to the one chold who is nice enough to play with their child.

You can discipline how you choose, but if it affects my kid negatively, then i can choose to not associate with you or your family. The invitations will just stop coming. You apparently want to discipline in this way and also have no consequences. That’s not how it works. But if this is such an issue for you it’s bizarre that you rigidly keep resorting to the same discipline over and over again without success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

Someone who has to discipline in this way has no business handing out parenting or etiquette advice.

People who think they have the authority on how to discipline everyone ele's children don't deserve friends, and in reality probably have few friends which is probably why they are so rigid with party attendance because thank s to them their child has no one who wants to spend time with them so they cling like baranacles to the one chold who is nice enough to play with their child.

You can discipline how you choose, but if it affects my kid negatively, then i can choose to not associate with you or your family. The invitations will just stop coming. You apparently want to discipline in this way and also have no consequences. That’s not how it works. But if this is such an issue for you it’s bizarre that you rigidly keep resorting to the same discipline over and over again without success.

+1 and I just lump it in with flaky and probably sort of dysfunctional. Would distance myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone said this to me when I had my oldest 16 years ago (I have two younger kids now) and it’s stuck with me over the years and I’ve tried not to ever take away an opportunity that involves another child. DH has always disagreed over the years but I have always felt it makes the other kid feel sad because now they have no one to play with and we’re looking forward to your kid coming over.

Is that right? Give me more perspective.

Tough. If my child misbehaves in a way that I feel the play date should be cancelled, I will. Life has disappointments.

[Anonymous]

If your DC flakes out on an RSVP because you decided to take away my kid’s party, then we will think long and hard about inviting your DC next year. We used the RSVP counts to build food decisions, goody bags, desserts, drinks, and venue fees. Next year we will invite a different more reliable friend to the party. Your actions show disregard to the party host and party honoree.