If you punish your kid by not letting them attend a play date or birthday party, does it hurt the other kid more?

[Anonymous]

We were on the receiving end of this and I agree it’s rude. In our case it was a birthday party before we moved away, so it would have been the last time the kids got to see each other. It was years ago, and I still think it was not okay.

If you don’t have a way to discipline your child without resorting to keeping them from going to a random party, you’re doing it wrong. How would you have disciplined the child if there wasn’t a party? Why not do that instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone said this to me when I had my oldest 16 years ago (I have two younger kids now) and it’s stuck with me over the years and I’ve tried not to ever take away an opportunity that involves another child. DH has always disagreed over the years but I have always felt it makes the other kid feel sad because now they have no one to play with and we’re looking forward to your kid coming over.

Is that right? Give me more perspective.

How the other kid feels is not your primary concern. It is their parents’ job. Your kid is not as important to the other kid as you seem to think. DH is correct.

I actually thought a huge aspect of parenting was teaching kids to value other people’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone said this to me when I had my oldest 16 years ago (I have two younger kids now) and it’s stuck with me over the years and I’ve tried not to ever take away an opportunity that involves another child. DH has always disagreed over the years but I have always felt it makes the other kid feel sad because now they have no one to play with and we’re looking forward to your kid coming over.

Is that right? Give me more perspective.

How the other kid feels is not your primary concern. It is their parents’ job. Your kid is not as important to the other kid as you seem to think. DH is correct.

I actually thought a huge aspect of parenting was teaching kids to value other people’s feelings.

In America? The most self-centered country and people? Total nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

It's not that really. you apologize give whatever excuse you need to and move on. Most parents are sane enough to not blink over this. We did this once for some egregious behavior. Never happened again and my kid and the other kid are still friends 10 years late. Shocking right. Like it's notatlly possible that sometime you can be really strict with your child and it's not the end of the world. Parent your kid and don't try to please others when you do it.

By make whatever excuse you need does that mean lie and pretend they were sick or something? Or did you actually admit you were using their child as part of the punishment for yours?

I flat out told them DC wasn't going to go to the party because od DC's behavior. And you she's fine with it. Mom and I are still friends our kids were still friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were on the receiving end of this and I agree it’s rude. In our case it was a birthday party before we moved away, so it would have been the last time the kids got to see each other. It was years ago, and I still think it was not okay.

If you don’t have a way to discipline your child without resorting to keeping them from going to a random party, you’re doing it wrong. How would you have disciplined the child if there wasn’t a party? Why not do that instead?

found the mommy of an 18 month old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

It's not that really. you apologize give whatever excuse you need to and move on. Most parents are sane enough to not blink over this. We did this once for some egregious behavior. Never happened again and my kid and the other kid are still friends 10 years late. Shocking right. Like it's notatlly possible that sometime you can be really strict with your child and it's not the end of the world. Parent your kid and don't try to please others when you do it.

By make whatever excuse you need does that mean lie and pretend they were sick or something? Or did you actually admit you were using their child as part of the punishment for yours?

I flat out told them DC wasn't going to go to the party because od DC's behavior. And you she's fine with it. Mom and I are still friends our kids were still friends.

DP but as someone who was taught the importance of manners and etiquette, it is highly likely that she would not let you know how she really felt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

It’s really sad that people are talking about empathy, the feelings of others, etiquette, and the Golden Rule, and you are equating that to….. networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

Exactly. Unless your child is the ONLY child invited to the party it is a small disappointment for the Bday kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

Exactly. Unless your child is the ONLY child invited to the party it is a small disappointment for the Bday kid.

Why do you think you are the only family with a possible last minute conflict?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

It's not that really. you apologize give whatever excuse you need to and move on. Most parents are sane enough to not blink over this. We did this once for some egregious behavior. Never happened again and my kid and the other kid are still friends 10 years late. Shocking right. Like it's notatlly possible that sometime you can be really strict with your child and it's not the end of the world. Parent your kid and don't try to please others when you do it.

By make whatever excuse you need does that mean lie and pretend they were sick or something? Or did you actually admit you were using their child as part of the punishment for yours?

I flat out told them DC wasn't going to go to the party because od DC's behavior. And you she's fine with it. Mom and I are still friends our kids were still friends.

why is it' so important to you that your point of view be the only possible way? why are you so attatched to the idea the you would go so far as to say someone you don't know had to be lying and hiding their true feelings?
DP but as someone who was taught the importance of manners and etiquette, it is highly likely that she would not let you know how she really felt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

It’s really sad that people are talking about empathy, the feelings of others, etiquette, and the Golden Rule, and you are equating that to….. networking.

You don't care about feelings and the golden rule your every response in this thread has been rude and condescending. and people who really care about feelings and the golden rule would not be talking about cutting people off forever for a missed birthday party.