If you punish your kid by not letting them attend a play date or birthday party, does it hurt the other kid more?

[Anonymous]

I feel like a playdate is different than a birthday party. If there's a crowd of kids, yours won't be missed as much as if it's just one kid coming over. Kids miss birthday parties all the time for lots of reasons.

That said, I've never needed to use that as a punishment.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s rude to cancel on something you’ve committed to involving other kids.

[Anonymous]

It's punishing them both equally. I've only done it once, when my son (who has a disability) was having a really bad day and told me to "hurry the f up" when we were getting ready to leave to go to his friend's house. To me, that seemed to extreme to allow him to go afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If that’s your kid’s currency then yes it’s a good consequence. Your obligation is to your child not someone else’s child.

This is the correct answer. However I'd only take it away in extreme circumstances.

[Anonymous]

In general I think it’s quite rude. With younger kids you might need to alter plans same-day if behavior is just not working out (similar to what you might do if they were sick). But yes in general I think it’s exceptionally rude to issue a consequence to your own child that also affects another child like that.

[Anonymous]

Rude and also ineffective. Punishments should fit the crime.

[Anonymous]

This type of punishment only works if you had told your kid ahead of time that if they did X behavior, then they would not be able to attend the party. Taking a social activity away seems harsh when they didn't have warning. I never forgave my parents for punishing me by not letting me go to the play that I had rehearsed for for months.

[Anonymous]

It is beyond rude and I honestly can’t believe that anyone would think it is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is beyond rude and I honestly can’t believe that anyone would think it is okay.

Life must be difficult for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to cancel on another child or family just because yours misbehaved. There are so many other ways of giving out consequences.

I have had it happen twice to my daughter. Once a one-on- one play date and the mom admitted it was punishment for her child for something and it was so hurtful to my daughter. She was so sad. Ugh. Just awful.

Another time for a party - parent said because so and so wasn’t following instructions. Not as horrible, but still, I paid for the place and my child was excited to see her friend. It was easier to distract but still.

I won’t let my kids miss something the RSVP’d too unless sick. It sends a message that other people aren’t important. Take away screens for a week.

[Anonymous]

It is entirely rude to skip out on an RSVP after you replied yes. The host already paid $30-40 per head at a venue and for a goody bag for your kid. The birthday kid loses out because one less friend attends their special once a year birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes is incredibly rude to the host.

+1
It made me so irritated when this would happen when DCs were little. I would generally not invite that kid again since the last minute disappointment is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

OP you are right; DH is wrong. My kids are teens now with excellent behavior. Never pulled this stunt. It's breathtakingly selfish and rude of other parents to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes is incredibly rude to the host.

+1
It made me so irritated when this would happen when DCs were little. I would generally not invite that kid again since the last minute disappointment is not worth it.

This. I would write that friend off as a flake.

[Anonymous]

So, your kid is known to misbehave and is now also a flake.