If you punish your kid by not letting them attend a play date or birthday party, does it hurt the other kid more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

It’s really sad that people are talking about empathy, the feelings of others, etiquette, and the Golden Rule, and you are equating that to….. networking.

You don't care about feelings and the golden rule your every response in this thread has been rude and condescending. and people who really care about feelings and the golden rule would not be talking about cutting people off forever for a missed birthday party.

Why would you even care if you were cut off by people you care so little for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

This is nonsensical. Have you ever planned a party before? You have to provide counts in advance of the venue and then you are locked into paying for that number even when rude guests change their minds last minute and become a no-show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

It’s really sad that people are talking about empathy, the feelings of others, etiquette, and the Golden Rule, and you are equating that to….. networking.

You don't care about feelings and the golden rule your every response in this thread has been rude and condescending. and people who really care about feelings and the golden rule would not be talking about cutting people off forever for a missed birthday party.

I actually have never cut off anyone for missing a birthday party. I’m not sure why you are attributing a bunch of other posts to me on an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

It’s really sad that people are talking about empathy, the feelings of others, etiquette, and the Golden Rule, and you are equating that to….. networking.

You don't care about feelings and the golden rule your every response in this thread has been rude and condescending. and people who really care about feelings and the golden rule would not be talking about cutting people off forever for a missed birthday party.

I said I would not invite a child again if I learned their parent considered this an appropriate way of handling their child’s behavior. I would absolutely not discourage my child from being friends with them at school or say anything rude about the child but I would not put my child in the position of being used to punish a friend again in the future. I was primarily thinking about playdates (that’s the only time I’ve had this happen, once in 10 years of having multiple children over for playdates and parties). If my child desperately wanted to invite such a friend to a large party we would have to have a conversation about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

NP. Not more important, but of course I teach my kids to put others first. You know, the Golden Rule, basic etiquette, etc?

Lol. yeah right! your kid just walks all over you and all you care about is networking

It’s really sad that people are talking about empathy, the feelings of others, etiquette, and the Golden Rule, and you are equating that to….. networking.

You don't care about feelings and the golden rule your every response in this thread has been rude and condescending. and people who really care about feelings and the golden rule would not be talking about cutting people off forever for a missed birthday party.

I said I would not invite a child again if I learned their parent considered this an appropriate way of handling their child’s behavior. I would absolutely not discourage my child from being friends with them at school or say anything rude about the child but I would not put my child in the position of being used to punish a friend again in the future. I was primarily thinking about playdates (that’s the only time I’ve had this happen, once in 10 years of having multiple children over for playdates and parties). If my child desperately wanted to invite such a friend to a large party we would have to have a conversation about it.

You have a lot of issues lady. And you're going to pass them onto your child.
Fortunately for you, you don't actually have a child because no actual parent would write this drivel do work on your issues before becoming a mom.

[Anonymous]

The people who did this to us were also the ones to cancel when they got a better offer from someone who was more popular. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt the first two times they said it was for discipline but after a birthday party decline at the last minute and a playdate was cancelled because of something I knew was related to a better offer I finally stopped caring about them and giving them excuses.

When people do this the truth is they really dont care about the friendship that much. The kid or the parent. There will always be something more important than something they committed to. A better offer, and easy dinner because punishment was already given, a family activity that just came up. A friend who is more popular is now available. They just dont care that much about you and keeping their obligations.

[Anonymous]

12:19 again. This was my kid's best friend even as stated by the other parent. Some people just have other priorities than friendship. Plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:19 again. This was my kid's best friend even as stated by the other parent. Some people just have other priorities than friendship. Plan accordingly.

some of you are crazy i hope you have sace enough for your kids therapy

[Anonymous]

You sound crazy. I've never needed to cancel an appointment or agreement with someone to discipline my kid. And there is no way the event that you cancelled to discipline had anything to do with the bad behavior so it's teaching the wrong lesson.

You are also acknowledging that the event was fun and generous of another family by using it as the discipline tool to miss and that you don't care about their generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were on the receiving end of this and I agree it’s rude. In our case it was a birthday party before we moved away, so it would have been the last time the kids got to see each other. It was years ago, and I still think it was not okay.

If you don’t have a way to discipline your child without resorting to keeping them from going to a random party, you’re doing it wrong. How would you have disciplined the child if there wasn’t a party? Why not do that instead?

This. Discipline in the same way without going against a commitment. No one is saying you should cut people off for this bad behavior but you dont need to get your hopes up this family is going to make your kid or their committments a top priority either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

Yes. Still trying to explain why this behavior is rude and inconsiderate, because that is the subject of this thread. Some people aren’t interested in evaluating their behavior and doing better, alas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

Someone who has to discipline in this way has no business handing out parenting or etiquette advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you withheld your kid from someone’s b-day party, you were wasting the host’s money. The host pre-paid for your kid’s spot at the venue. Since you gave no notice of having your child become a no-show then the host did not have the option to try to scramble and find someone else to take your kid’s pre-paid spot.

That’s stupid. The money is already spent. You’re the person who eats the whole steak even when they don’t want it because it was expensive.

DP, and I’m not that invested in the money aspect personally. I care about the kids having a good time. Have you never been to a party that was under attended?

I’ve heard parties go different ways. I’ve had 100% attendance. Recently though I had a party where 5 kids pulled out for various reasons in the last 48 hours before the party, and it really was a bummer. The reasons varied widely. One parent texted morning of that they just weren’t able to come (no reason given), and I did find it hurtful. A lot of things are unavoidable, just unfortunate. It sucks when a bunch of kids unexpectedly can’t come. It’s not just your kid. You don’t know what other families might have going on that might change their attendance.

Life isn’t fair. It an opportunity for your kid to learn to deal with disappointment.

Someone who has to discipline in this way has no business handing out parenting or etiquette advice.

People who think they have the authority on how to discipline everyone ele's children don't deserve friends, and in reality probably have few friends which is probably why they are so rigid with party attendance because thank s to them their child has no one who wants to spend time with them so they cling like baranacles to the one chold who is nice enough to play with their child.